2

...and I missed it, well, not her birthday, but I missed my blog entry on my sweet, little Cora - who can be very not sweet sometimes.  Everyone says it is because she is 2, every now and then, my mom mentions maybe she is a little like me, so who knows, but nonetheless, I love her to pieces!

So, each year for the kids birthday I spend a few minutes reflecting back on their births, the journey we have taken so far and some favorite things about each of them at each age.  And while I'd be happy to recount her birth again (I play it over and over in my head quite often, always with a smile on my face) and talk about our journey, I'll just skip right to the fun part.  Cora is 2 - and in that time she has become her own person, with her own thoughts and ideas and has certainly has learned to stand up for herself.  A few of my favorite things about my little girl:

• She still nurses to sleep at night and every now and then when she isn't feeling well.  I love that our nursing relationship has gotten us this far and listening to her yell at me for milkies when Sean is on bedtime night, is one of the sweetest things (mostly because Sean tells her that she needs to stand at the top of the stairs and yell for me).  
• She goes to sleep in her big girl bed just about every night and has spent a few nights in there, by herself.  Most nights she wakes up crying and Sean or I will go get her.  She then finds her way between Sean and I and mostly on top of me, kicking me out of bed.  But many times, she rolls over and mutters snuggles and milkies and makes sure she snuggles in close.
• She has learned from watching Liam - just one more, she says to me, holding her index finger up and smiling - whether it's a book at night, a piece of candy or one more time to fill up the squirt gun, she knows the look to give to get what she wants.
• I love the way she yells Mickey Mouse Clubhouse when we let them watch a show, only to sit for a solid 39 seconds before she is off and running doing something else.
• She is very opinionated - she knows what she wants, when she wants it and if she doesn't get it, well, watch out - she will let you know - she will flail backwards, kick her legs out and cry and scream at the top of her lungs.
• She is doing everything and anything to keep up with big brother, Liam.  She is killing it on her strider bike, wanting to dirt bike, play with anything he is playing with and so on.  She also likes to pick on him, and get him in trouble, but I know she is mostly always starting it.
• Me too!  is her favorite thing to say, or rather yell!  
• She's being quite stubborn with potty training at this time, thought we'd have her in underpants by now, but she'd prefer to just get her candy here and there, silly kid.

I'm sure there are a million more things that I want to capture about her right now, but this is my list to get started, to make up for being late, and to show her, even though she is the second, I love her just as much as Liam - just a few months doesn't prove anything, right?  

Lessons learned when least expected

We had an amazing weekend this weekend.  We attended the Pikes Peak International Hill Climb.  Sean had talked about it, we decided we'd go for it.  It's the only time of the year you can actually camp at Pikes Peak, we were maybe 10 feet away from race cars whizzing past us, we got to sit in some cars the day before, Liam got to sign a car and we got to high five the race car drivers on the way down the hill.

It was great, a fun weekend, the weather mostly cooperated...and then it happened.  The car wouldn't start.  We were stuck in the middle of Pikes Peak with our camper, the kids, 2 other friends and just not even sure where to start to get back home.  So, the process began, I went to tell the sheriff directing traffic we needed a tow truck, he was working on it, then the rain and hail came (perfect timing).  The process began - lots of people trying to figure out what to do, Sean being patient as they finally agreed to listen to his plan, the kids on the side of the road with car seats, me waiting for some help from someone, not sure who to ask, and so on.  They finally got the car and trailer loaded up, we finally got a ride to the gates of Pikes Peak, where we then needed to wait for a cab (in this time, I was reminded how great it was to have kids around - they just wanted to run around and play and I just wanted to be upset about how late we will get home, etc. - but nope, I got up and ran around and played tag and the laughs that came out of Cora and Liam were totally priceless).  Cab finally came and the kids were just laughing and having a blast.

I think we should take more cues from kids,,,right?  Maybe they have way more figured out than we give them credit for.  They just rolled with it, they got from one car with the rangers, to the next car with a crazy cab lady (who may or may not have stolen the cab from someone else), to back to Jolie's, where thank god she had cheerios and her neighbor had milk, to the ride home with Brit when they FINALLY crashed.  Cora cried for maybe 5 minutes on the way home, they both freaked out when we got home, but other than that, they were rock stars, they barely cried, they were friendly and polite to everyone we met and they just enjoyed it all.  They never cease to amaze me with how much stuff they put up with.

They went to sleep and Sean and I sat on the front porch and talked some more...the tow truck driver jacked up a our camper a bit...the car, who knows what will happen with the car...and if we wanted to make the experience be a bad one, this situation could have done that.  I wasn't going to let that happen.  I was going to let the kids remember the crappy part of the day.  I wasn't going to let Sean keep beating himself up over it.

Fact is, this car is a piece of crap, we both know and we both hate it.  So, now we figure out what to do that.  But while talking, I realized something pretty crazy.  The car would have crapped out on our way home...going down Pikes Peak, we could have lost power steering/brakes and that could have be bad, really bad.  Once that started going through my head, I told Sean it was a blessing it didn't start when it did.  Sure, it was a sucky situation, but it could have been so much worse.  No one was hurt, we just have to fix a damn car and parts of a camper.  The kids had fun, I kept my shit together (shockingly!) and all was good.

Yesterday was 10 years from the day Sean and I met...as we sat on the front porch, I asked if he knew he'd up here with me...this life, adventures that always have something go a little wonky...these amazing kids that were top notch this weekend, this love that got us through this tough time with no yelling (he insists I'll still yell at him, which is possible!), this life we have...and we both thought about it, and honestly, when I met him, I knew something was different with him...not sure I envisioned all of this, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.  I love being his teammate, and now I look at the rest of our team (Cora and Liam) and I'm so impressed with them and what they have done and look forward to what they will do!

Team Foege doesn't always do things easy, and most of the time we make shit much harder on ourselves that it needs to be, but when I look to see how strong we are, I'm amazed.

I'm also beyond impressed with some of the friends we have made so far out here in Colorado.  Friends that aren't used to kids, but put up with them and these crazy adventures for at least a few extra hours.  Friends that crack open a beer to split with me because it's been that kind of day.

And I went to bed last night with the biggest smile on my face.  Yes, I miss my family and yes, this process would have been much simpler if my parents were in town, but the family we have here is growing in ways I never realized possible.  As long as you go through life with the right people, no situation can be that terrible, and that's something I hope the kids will see as they get older - it's not what happens, it how you deal with it.

I gave myself 2 minutes to slightly freak out about the car thing - in those 2 minutes (I was out of the sight of the kids), they also freaked out - Sean told me that was the only time they cried the whole time.  I'm OK with my little freak out, I regrouped and got my shit together and we rolled with it all...but honestly, you get back what you give - I (after taking direction from Liam and Cora) gave a good attitude in a shitty situation and I learned how much that can come back to help you out.  And it makes me so happy and lucky, despite our piece of shit car! :)  

Another year over...a new one's just begun...the year of awesome!

How does it happen so fast?  Wait, that's what you say when you get older...and yep, it's totally true, I'm officially older.  Anyways, yeah, so 2016 was quite the year.  I believe when it started out it was going to be the year of me.  That was my plan, Cora was getting bigger, I was working on getting in better shape, things will rolling in a good direction for me.  My life was going to be mostly normal, no major life events, no baby being born, not buying a new house...nope, 2016 was going to be pretty normal.

And then Sean started talking, about becoming a fireman with Littleton.  And he passed one step and the next and the next and finally there was a job for him, on the table...but there was a catch.  He'd have to take a pretty significant pay cut and he'd have to be in academy for 14 weeks...and that meant Monday- Friday, leaving before the I woke up most days until after I got home with the kids.  I think in the 14 weeks he was able to get the kids 3 times maybe (one time was very crucially right before Summer Games, so glad for that one).  So that meant my life was anything but normal.  That meant for 14 weeks, I got the kids up, took them to day care, picked them up, started dinner and then Sean came home.  I know people have it just as hard or harder, but this was new to me.  I was used to taking the kids a few days a week, Sean was home some days during the week, it was great.  We never knew each other (or never had) normal 9-5 jobs...and now we both did, it was odd.  And tricky for me during a super busy season to not have time to stay late at work or go early.  Basically, I woke up, got everyone going, worked, got everyone home and while Sean studied I worked.  It was tough.  But it was going to be worth it.  Sean was going to get to be a fireman...once he graduated, he'd have a better schedule, we'd adjust more, I can finally focus on me then, right?

But now that I look back, those 14 weeks were about me.  Sean was busy, exhausted, getting paid to get in the best shape of his life, studying when he was home, or falling asleep snuggling Liam.  So, I had to step up, I had to make sure life went on as normal as possible.  I didn't have time to complain or yell about things (maybe I did a few times), I just had to make life go on.  And Sean did his best, more than his best...but it was a tough time.  So, graduation day came, I celebrated, our schedule is adjusting and he's around much more...which as he can tell you, is sometimes too much.  It's possible that on each break he is home, I ask him when he goes back to work.  It was a great thing and while Sean worked hard to learn his job and continues to work hard to make himself the best he can be, I learned just how tough and strong I could be.  

I was also focused on getting into great shape.  The deal was that Sean and I would be in the best shape of our lives by the time we are 40.  Since like I said, I'm officially older, I turned 39 just a few weeks ago, it was best to get a jump on that getting in shape thing.  I was going to workout classes, first twice a week and then 3 times a week.  It was out of my comfort zone, I don't do classes, and if I do, they are big classes so I just do my thing and move along.  This was a small class - 5 - 6 girls each day...and it was such a great group to be a part of.  It was motivating, fun and inspiring to have grown with this class over the year.  I always thought I'd be thinking too much about how I am compared to everyone else in the class, but most days, I'm so exhausted that I can't even think about what I'm doing - because each person in the class is pushing just as hard.  It's a great group to have support with, laugh with, complain with and become fitter with.  The group has changed, has added people, but the feeling of it all remains the same.  We are there to support and inspire each other...and to complain about the workouts we like the least!

And then in November, I got the crazy idea I was going to try and fit into my wedding dress.  I tried it on November 1.  Sean tried to zip it and didn't.  I didn't figure he'd be able to...and I was ready to work for it.  I decided to get serious...stop half-assing it and work hard.  I cut back my drinking I was maybe having 2-3 drinks a week - max.  I added extra workouts (I did the 21 day fix extreme since I had 21 days to fit into the dress).  I increased protein and tracked my food - not one morsel of food went into my mouth that wasn't recorded.  And I had a few cheat days, days where I needed a break from counting, but mostly the counting was fun.  It was a challenge, how good can I eat today?  So, I worked, I went to class 3 times a week and did the other workouts at home, double workouts on some days.  My eating was spot on and I was motivated.  I felt better, I could see results and it kept me going.  I kept thinking about the dress, my workout class kept reminding me about the dress.  And on November 21, as I was getting ready for a date with Sean, I tried on the dress...and it fit...and it felt so great, to accomplish a goal, to stick to a plan.  I didn't believe I was going to do it, I figure I'd come close and still be proud of what I accomplished.  But nope, I did it...I put on the dress and did a pull up on our rock holds downstairs.  And it felt great.  And I felt great.  I was so happy with myself and my commitment, the possibilities were now endless, I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.

And while I speak mostly of the physical work and progress I made over the year, I also know that with that, came so much more.  I became a better person overall, I am happier, more free and willing to do things out of my comfort zone.  I am stronger inside, I know what I am capable of and while sometimes I want to take a break and be weak, I know I'm strong.

Then it's December and I find another workout challenge to do on line.  You have to take a picture in tight jeans and use that as your measurement.  And when I went to try on what I thought would be the tightest pair, they fit...as did every other pair in my drawer...and pants in my closet.  It was such an amazing feeling.  Some of those pants I haven't worn since before Liam and now they all fit.  It was great, just another sign of my hard work paying off.  And then the picture from last year popped up on my Timehop.  And I couldn't help but put on those jeans and take a picture to see then side by side.  And it was amazing, another great example of my hard work paying off.  And the look on my face was completely different.  I really feel a little bit like a new person and it's great.  

In the end, while I felt at first the year was going to be about Sean as soon as he started his fire gig, it didn't need to be.  But now I realize it also didn't need to be about me.  It can just be about life and what I choose to make of that is up to me, right?  Plus, there are so many more things out there bigger than me, that matter more than me, it'd be awfully selfish to take up a whole year.  

So, as I look forward to 2017, there are some changes coming up with my work that I'm excited to tackle head on.  I also will continue to get in the best shape of my life (4 pull-up max so far, that's the most I've ever done at one time, I think), but I won't just mean physically.  I have so many ways to grow mentally and emotionally and much to still learn about life.  I will meet the near year with positive thoughts and good energy, that even when tough times arise, I'll be strong and now good things will come.  It's going to be a good year...for all of us, it'll just be the year of awesome!  

4 - how did that happen so fast...

I'm a bit behind on this, but Liam turned 4 a few weeks ago...and the past few years I have taken a few minutes to jot down some thoughts on why this age has been fun, what I love about him, how he has changed and grown and everything in between.

It's so funny, around his birthday, I still look back and remember what we went through on that day - how a few days before he was even born, I start thinking of where we were, how things were going, the hospital stay, being stuck in the bed, the list goes on.  It's all things I have finally come to terms with, however, it's still a part of Liam and his journey into our life.  I wonder if I will ever stop thinking about it.  Anyways...back to Liam...the man of the hour.

We decided (well, I decided) to send Cora to daycare and have a special day with Liam.  Sean was off so I took the day off as well.  Liam said he wanted to go up to Copper Mountain, so we did that and had a pretty great day.  Here's what I learned about this kid this year:

• Liam now sleeps on the top bunk of his bed, sharing a room with Cora when she sleeps in there, which has been about 1 whole night.  He spends all night up there and goes to bed without nearly as many snuggles as he used to get.  I'm so happy he is being such a big boy, but some nights, I keep him in the lower bunk and give him extra snuggles just because.
• I love how he takes care of Cora.  He stands up for her, sometimes getting himself in trouble to see she is happy and safe.  When she is crying, he goes up to her, and says "Sweetie, what's wrong?" in very similar way that I do.  He pats her back, tries to hug her and will even give her toys sometimes.
• He always has a great idea - that can be anything from I should have cookies for dinner to I want to watch movies all day, to sharing his toys with Cora.  The look on his face when he gets his "great idea" is the best.  He nods his head and points very matter of factly when talking about it, with a little eye roll as well just for some extra fun.
• The things he says still amaze and crack me up, it could be anything from his great ideas to how he wants to read extra books, to whatever silly thing he wants to do.  It's often that I let him talk just so I can smile and hear how creative he is being.
• He has such a great imagination.  He can entertain himself for hours with his toys if he wants to.  He enjoys playing make believe games with Cora and I - watching the two of them giggle and laugh together is such a joy.
• He's a stubborn kid - this isn't a super loveable trait, but it's part of him.  He also has a temper that we are always working on - so the one day he keeps it under control (which happened to be last week), is always a treat.  I always want to talk to him about how proud I am of him for not being bad, and I always tear up because I'm so happy he gets it, even if 5 minutes later he is time out for the same thing.
• He loves to read and look at books - he'd spend all night reading if he could.  Some nights I put Cora to be in my bed and Liam has some free time to look at books.  I love putting the camera on him and watch and listen to him go through his books.  He also likes to help me "read" them sometimes.
• He can mostly write his name, when he is in the mood for it and pays attention to it...and is so proud of himself when he does it.
• He loves painting as we discovered yesterday when he opened the paint and started to paint without us knowing it...all the time, making sure Cora had a brush and paper too.

I'm sure I'll add more as I think of it, but I sure do love this kid...he's got his moments, and some of them aren't pretty, but I'll take him as he is.  He's one of a kind and I wouldn't trade any of these memories for the world!  Happy birthday Liam - the big 4 - you have lived life pretty full so far, I can't wait to see what it ahead for you!

Wild Weekend

It was another weekend of Sean being on shift both Saturday and Sunday - we haven't had to do too many of these yet and it really doesn't happen as often as it used to, but man, we struggled.  Or I suppose I should say that I struggled, really struggled on Saturday with the kids - mostly Liam, but Cora was tough as well.  Not sure what the deal was, no clue what was in the air, but whatever it was, it sucked and I hope I can do anything to avoid it from happening again.

Saturday started out, interesting to say the least.  I  spent the night in bed with Cora since she was up and fussy and I wanted to make sure Sean got a good nights rest the night before he had to go to work.  I woke up at about 5:30 hearing Burton making puke noises...I ran out of bed to get him outside or whatever, but as soon as I got up, he was fine and went under our bed, no puke, crisis adverted, however, Cora was crying since I was more than 5 inches away from  her.  So, I took her into out bed and snuggled and nursed her back to sleep.  I finally dozed off after Sean went to work and then, I hear it again, Burton, under our bed, hacking up something.  I shot up and tried to get him out from under the bed, but nope, too late, he puked up some lovely grass under our bed - and Cora cried, since I was more than 5 inches away from her again.  I cleaned up the puke, with a screaming baby in bed and then crawled back into bed and I think I was able to doze off for a while, probably the longest I slept all night.  It was about 7:30 before Liam came in and we just hung out in bed for a while, I was tired, but the day seemed to be going all right, just having a lazy day.

Then, I have no idea what happened, but Liam stopped listening, Cora kept crying and I was stuck, no way out, no where to go, just had to deal with the kids all day.  I decided, even though Liam was not listening to anything I said, it should be time to get out, we'd go to the lake to walk around, head to the nature center and hopefully see some elk.  We finally got out of the house and went on our way.  We mostly had a good time, Liam and Cora loved playing in the nature center, I watched them and how different they play each time we go there - how much more independent my little guy is getting and how many more things Cora is interested in.  Sounds like a fix, we are all happy, right?  Wrong!  The non-listening continued on and on, we walked for a while, I carried Cora after she sat down in the middle of the path and then we did all right, I felt better, the kids weren't terrible, so I pushed my luck - we went grocery shopping.  Lesson learned - unless you are having an amazing day with angel children, don't go shopping on a Saturday afternoon with them.  We shopped, things went all right, and then it happened, things spiraled down, down, down and never returned.  I don't even recall how it all started, maybe with Liam running over to the horse for a horse ride, or Cora freaking out because I took away her apple to pay for it, but things just went from bad to worse.

We finally got in the car and went home.  Cora took a nap, Liam helped carry groceries in and I gave up, a movie and sandwiches on the couch was the temporary fix so I could get my head on straight and it mostly worked.  We had a few more issues, just yelling.  I've been working so hard not to yell and Liam, even in his terrible fits, but Saturday, it all came out.  I'm not sure what I was yelling about, but man, everytime it happened, I felt like the worst mother in the world.  I hate those days, days where nothing really snaps you out of it, maybe the kids recover, but you still feel like crap.  All I wanted to do was put the kids and myself to bed at 7:00 and be done and try again the next day. But Sean's sister, Johanna, was coming in and I had to get her from the airport.  So, thankfully, we made it to 7;30 and loaded up to hit the road.  Cora was asleep as soon as I put her in her carseat and Liam was out by the time we got to the airport...it was peace and quiet - I hadn't heard that since, well, since before Burton puked that day.  And it was great.  I found Johanna pretty quick and we headed home.  I was thankful I had bedtime help and I was also very excited to give Cora some snuggles as I felt she needed mommy all day and while I was with her, my brain was too busy to enjoy.  We got home and Cora went right now and Liam read some stories, then went right to bed like such a good kid.  Whatever had taken over our house and us earlier that day was gone, thank goodness.

On Sunday, I was ready for an adventure.  We got up early and headed to Kenosha Pass to see some fall colors - and needless to say it was amazing and really crowded, but mostly amazing.  And I was reminded of things so much bigger than a kid not listening, I realized sometimes I ask to much from them, I realized sometimes they are allowed to not listen and be kids.  They were both different kids on Sunday.  Liam hiked for a while and then really wanted me to carry him, me, the person that was yelling at him all day yesterday.  And we were good, he would just keep repeating me and saying, wow, it keeps getting prettier and prettier, he'd look at leaves and find rocks.  He was being a kid and I loved every minute of it.  It helped that he was listening as well.  So, lesson learned, when all else fails, just get outside and play, as much as possible, with as few rules as possible.  And if that doesn't work, but the kid in a carrier, he loves it, I still love it and we reconnect and snap out of whatever funk we are in.

The weekend ended with us driving to say hi to Sean for a few minutes, then coming home and playing in the dirt, something else my kids love.  We wound down with a movie and then a lovely bath night.  Cora and I got extra snuggles - Liam got extra books with Johanna and suckered me into me - who can say no when your almost 4 year old puts on his pout face for snuggles?  I ended up going to bed feeling renewed and refreshed and now, finally able to forgive myself for not being perfect.

Decide what to be...

...and go be it.  I bought a shirt with this on it at the Avett Brothers show that Sean and I went to a few weeks ago.  And the statement just sits with me.  Decide what to be - well, that's easier said that done, how can I decide what to be when all sorts of things happening in my life are mostly telling me what to be, dictating how to use my time and not giving me a huge chance to decide for myself.  And then just go be it...it's just that easy, right?  Just go be whatever you want to me...just decide.

I struggled with that over this weekend a little bit.  We had a nice weekend, stayed around our house and had some mini-adventures.  It was so fun.  Yesterday we decided to take my new bike out for a ride while Sean pulled the kids.  It was a new path in Clear Canyon running right along the creek.  It was a great, the sun was out but it hadn't gotten too hot yet, the water was running along the creek and the path wasn't too crowded.  Then we got to the end, and it ended right at some mountain bike trails.  Perfect, right?  Well, Sean told me to go ride and I just couldn't.  I decided I wasn't going to do well and it happened, I sucked at it and just bailed for some reason.  So, I guess it work, I decided I wasn't going to succeed and I didn't.  How come decided what to be and acting on it is nice and easy when it's negative.  Boo to that...boo to the thoughts that continued to tell me that I'm not really good at anything anymore.  I used to be good at things, soccer, running, biking, climbing...but to be honest, I don't do these things on a regular basis anymore, I'm too busy.  Another great excuse.  Too busy working, having a house, raising the kids, being a single mom a few days a week and the list goes on.  But I call bullshit on myself on that one.  I am so quick to find an excuse as to why my pants don't fit, or why I want to just have one more beer, but let's be honest, it's all crap.

I am very capable of making wise decisions for myself, I have will power to not eat the bars of toffee sitting next to me and I have to be able to stick with it.  It's frustrating to have to work so hard on everything, or at least that is what it seems like to me.  Like, why can't I just eat pretty decent and then fit into my pants?  Why do I have to be spot on with my nutrition, my working out and everything else?  Why can't I just get a little slack?  Again, I call crap on myself....

It's time to really decide what I want to be and make it happen.  I have a goal that seemed like I had so much time to accomplish...when I turn 40, I want to be in the best shape of my life.  So, here we go, it's a year and a half away and I am getting there, I know I am getting stronger and maybe some of those pants won't ever fit, but honestly, I'm ready for it.  I'm ready to kick some butt and work my tail off, yet again.  Of course, today I opted to eat lunch instead...perhaps a nice walk will get my juices going before my meeting...but I need to find the balance.  The balance of having my life, being with my kids and also being the best me I can be.  It's hard to remember that I'm a priority, it's easy to be stuck doing everything else for everyone else.  I need time for me.  Sometimes I need to fit in my workout with my kids, sometimes I need to spend time with my husband, but I also need time for me.  I need time to breath and stretch and relax - in comes yoga.  Yoga will be my peace for now, just a few minutes here and there, but something, getting my head in a place I know I can be successful.

Yep, I'm all over the place today, but basically, I needed to get this out....I'm awesome and amazing and I can do anything I put my mind to and that's it, it's time to put my mind to it, to getting to the next level of fitness for me.  And I have to remember that not everyday I'm going to feel like going out there and kicking butt, but at least moving is something and it's more than better than nothing...so, off I go, to get some fresh air and recharge for my meeting...and be the best me I can be.

Lessons learned

It's funny, you can learn the simplest lessons from the oddest place, or rather while you are going something you never thought would teach you a lesson.  I took a few days off of work and we were going to go camping.  We had about an hour left of packing to get done, when we decided to check the weather - 50 and rain where we wanted to go, not ideal for camping, but we could make it work.  Then we checked the radar and there was mostly a storm over the whole western half of Colorado, which is where we planned on going.  So, thinking about that, taking the kids out to camp in that weather sounded less than awesome.  Liam would have enough fun in the camper, I think, but Cora might go a little nutty.  So, we bailed on camping.  Liam was sad and bummed, but we countered that with a trip to a mall, which if you know us, if pretty off our normal.  I had to return a few things and there is a pretty fun play place.  It got his mind off camping at that point.

The next day, Sean and I decided to take a climbing date day without the kiddos.  He worked hard to find the best place to multi-pitch climb, something I had never done before.  We hiked along to get to the climbing route and he started to explain all the things I'd have to do, I was a bit nervous, but it sounded like fun.  So, up he went.  And in came the clouds.  And the wind.  He was climbing, I was doing my job belaying him, all went well until the halfway point of the rope crossed through my belay device.  So, I'm trying to yell at him, tell him what the deal was and he finally got it and thankfully called to talk about it.  And then I realized something funny about when we go climb...we typically spend some time walking to the base of the climb, setting up, he goes up and sets the rope and then comes done, I get a climb in, then he goes back up to clean, etc.  So, I don't typically get that much climbing in.  And I started to get a little annoyed by that...and then I basically smacked myself across the face.  Here I was standing here in this beautiful natural place, hanging out with Sean and somehow being upset about it.  So, I let it go.  The climb took a small wrong turn and we had to back track and do a bunch of other things, so I was mostly set with the fact that I wasn't going to climb.  Things worked out well enough before the rain hit and I climbed and I was reminded how much I love climbing, my moves were pretty decent, my strength surprised me, which is always nice.  On our walk back to the car, we chatted more about climbing, about how I want to do it more, make it happen and be a part of it.  I want to know what I'm doing enough to go on my own, well, not really on my own because you kind of need a climbing partner, but well...go without Sean sometime.  So, that's my plan and goal, we will see how it happens, if it's this summer and go from there.

And then it was Sean's birthday.  I sucked, I was so busy all weekend, I didn't get him a card, or even make one with the kids.  It was a rainy, kinda crappy day, so we decided to get some breakfast and head to the Children's Museum.  It was so fun, the kids had a blast, Liam had fun last time we went, but this time was loving it, loving everything about it.  He is turning into such a kid, with his own thoughts on what he wants to do, what he wants to learn and it's so much fun to watch.  And Cora, the way she followed him around and did whatever he did was the best.  At some point, she was going down a slide and I was at the end, letting her climb by herself, another mom was rushing over to help her...she was fine, didn't need help, and it was all soft had she fallen, but it's amazing how coordinated and fearless she is.  Then, something hit me, I was done and it wasn't just the kids all around, it felt like I got hit buy a truck.  So, we slowly made our way out.  We stopped at Target on the way home, Cora and I napped in the car while the boys at lunch and shopped.  By the time I got home, I was in rough shape...I'll save the details, but get to the point of my lessons learned.

I laid there, thinking I was dying and Sean took care of me and the kids.  I'm sure he had plenty of other things he wanted to do, but he was there with us and that made me so happy and grateful.  I was thrilled he wasn't at work, I couldn't have done that with the kids.  I mostly was the sickest I have ever been and never want to eat again if it causes the possibility of being that sick in any way.  But I realized a few things...Sean has amazing patience with me and with the kids.  He isn't as used to being around everyone as he has been, but he was amazing.  Getting dinner ready, the kids ready for bed, all while I was pleading for him to help me in some way.  He took Cora to put her to sleep as Liam sat with me in the bathroom (I was in the shower at this point again) and read me books.  He was the sweetest, telling me how he wanted me to feel better, to be sure to come and snuggle him before I got to bed and say good night.  I don't know what happened to that kid, but as he grows, I'm more and more proud of him.  He is the sweetest kid most of the time and so on top of everything going on.  He woke up a few times at night and came in needing snuggles, so Sean snuggled him for a bit and took him back to bed.  He woke up early, before Sean left and was so excited to get to see him.  And then he crawled into bed with us and gave Cora some snuggles.  I guess for all the times it seems like we are messing up at parents, we are doing all right if that kid is so sweet.

So, lessons learned, the little things don't matter, what we have in front of us, each moment is what matters to me.  So what is the laundry isn't folded again, or Liam's room might not be clean, we have each moment to make the choices of what's most important.  Sometimes I just need a clean house and I forget everything else going on.  But this morning, when I saw dishes in the sink from last night's dinner, there was no way I was going to be upset about that.  That might not happen every morning, but the more mornings I learn to let go of those things, the more I'll have moments with the kids and Sean that can't be replaced, so that's what I focus on.