Minor freakout

 Yes, I will admit that I had my first minor freak out yesterday.  I took the day off to spend with Sean and Liam.  We were going to go to the zoo, but instead spent the day running some errands and taking care of more things around the house, which was much needed.  I don't think there are going to be enough days left to do all the things we want to do, but so be it.  I had a moment where I had to reel Sean back in - tell him that maybe we need to slow things down and make sure this place we found is really right for us.  Maybe it is too far into the mountains for us right now, with our jobs...maybe it will be too expensive, maybe we should look at something smaller and closer for now.  I guess when I was talking about it, I had my tone.  I think I was just being serious, but I will take Sean's word for it.  And it was upsetting to him.

Now, we hadn't really talked about this place, we texted about it, he moved forward on it without me seeing it due to me being out of town.  And I trusted and still do trust that he made the right decision, I just wanted to talk about it.  A large chuck of our savings is going to go towards a deposit and first and last month rent.  It all makes sense, that they want that much, and when I think about it, we are only really down the money of the pet deposit when it is all said and done, but it just freaked me out a bit to shell so much of our savings out.  But it's done at this point - well, actually, we are hoping that the references she called convinced her to rent to us and then it will be done.  I do really want this place, I liked it a lot, especially for not having seen it.  And I feel better about the money situation after Sean and I talked about it.  So, see, just a minor freak out - there was no yelling, or no crying - I feel at peace with our move and every now and then wonder if we are doing the right thing.  Then, I see Liam - I watch him explore and learn so many things from his surroundings.  I want him to have more chances to explore and learn more about nature, to feel at home in it like Sean and I do - and have the chance to do it each day.  I know people still think we are crazy, I think it sometimes as well, but in the end, it is what my heart is telling me to do.