It has been a very busy week - wow, it has been just over a week that I started working. It seems like I have been here so much longer than that - which is a good thing, I guess. You can say that now real life has taken over. I don't have free days to take the boys on solo adventures, I can't just hop up the road to ride the fresh powder and I have to wake up REALLY early to get Liam where he needs to be on time and get me where I need to be on time as well.
The week has had it's ups and downs. I had a few rough patches, too stressed out about everything to relax and enjoy anything. Too worried about how Liam is doing while I am gone (he has started to cry each day when I leave and also when I arrive to pick him up - not sure what the deal with that is), about how Burton is doing alone all day. Sean built him a very nice dog area. He has a heated mattress pad in his dog house with plenty of blankets to keep him warm. This is located inside our screened in porch. He also has a great area outside that I'm sure he runs around and barks all day long. And then I'm worried if I'm doing everything right, taking enough food for Liam, bringing enough snacks for me - and not to mention the worrying about Sean and his job, just worrying about if he likes it enough and if he'll get close to enough sleep on his time off.
And then there is the house search and issues. Yes, issues. We have no issues, however, our renter is another story. Let's just leave things at that - we have some issues with her and while I let Sean deal with them, I worry and get angry about them. But yeah, let's just leave that one alone.
But we have started our search for our house here - for a place that I want to spend the rest of my life (basically because I don't want to move ever again!) with my wonderful family. And we have spent hours and hours looking at houses on line, driving around neighborhoods and trying to figure out where we "belong." I have really struggled with this, with the thought of moving to the suburbs. I guess you can say I have been a bit of a brat about it. See, I get to wake up right now and see the sun rise over the mountains. I get to drive to work and stop at 3 or 4 different places to marvel at the beauty of these mountains. I get to gasp numerous times as I look in my rear view mirror to see what is behind me. I get to look out at night and see millions and millions of stars, and if I look really hard, I might even see a shooting star. Liam and I saw one one of the first nights we were here, it was incredible. I get to let Burton out the front door on an adventure, no leash, to just go and explore. And while the drive to work is long, from leaving my house to getting to work, including dropping off Liam, is about an hour and a half. And I hate that, I hate that my time with Liam during the week is spent in the car.
But I struggle, I really do, to give up all we have with our mountain life to save me 30 minutes or even an hour a day. It is different for Sean, he HAS to be at work in a certain time frame and where we are is just too far for that. But, sigh, I really am still struggling to find our place. I know where I want to be, I know where my heart wants to me, I know where my soul feels the happiest, but perhaps it's time to be honest and real with myself and our life. Perhaps it's time to realize that we don't get to play in the mountains every day, perhaps we have to plan for those days. See, that's what I don't want - I don't want to have to plan to go to the mountains, I want to just be in them.
So, here we are, we are taking a break looking at any house, we are taking our time to find the right one. And who knows, maybe we will end up in the suburbs one day, but for now, I am not rushing to get there. It's time for us to figure out our place. All I know is that we have plenty of adventures coming up this weekend and I can't wait.
And while we find our perfect place, for now, I will enjoy every sunrise and sunset, every star and every view around the corner and in the rear view mirror - because when it comes down to it, each moment is important and should be treasured and that's my new outlook.
Bloom wherever you are planted.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy those stars and vistas.