One year...

...it has been one year since Cora was born, since I labored all night with her and had her at home in our bathtub, when Sean delivered her and I sat with her and snuggled her and fed her and loved her.  One year.  It means so many things to me, so many things have changed and so many things have stayed the same.  I still nurse her to sleep and she falls asleep on my lap on the couch most nights.  She still sleeps in our bed and wakes up to nurse some nights.  She cries still, just quite a bit louder.  She is still my little baby girl, but so many other things have changed.

Cora has grown up in so many ways, she takes up tons more space in bed and is moving all over.  She isn't walking yet, but she is crawling, standing and cruising.  She is babbling plenty, screams when she wants things, points, smiles and giggles plenty.  She gives these silly wide open mouth kisses that are just too sweet to pass up, even if it means slobber all over me.  She thinks she's so funny when it's time for bed and I actually try to put her down in bed and she gets up, rolls over and climbs all over me.  Her laugh and giggle are hard to be upset around, so bedtime can be a challenge, just like Liam.

But she's a year, and that means so many other things.  It means she has nursed for a year, it was all us, she did it, she worked so hard and so did I!  She made it a year on mostly all breastmilk.  My body did what it needed to do for her.  And we will still nurse, who knows for how long, but right now, I really enjoy the extra bonding we have.  I learned so much from my struggle with Liam that I am proud to have gotten this far with her.  We had a few bumps, but we made it, we made it a year and I'm so proud of that. 

And while I don't have my pre-baby body back, I trust that I am where I am for a reason, maybe I need to hold on to a little extra weight to keep making my milk for Cora.  While some days are frustrating when some pants still don't fit, I remember that I'm working for Cora right now...not as much as I had to in the past, but still, I want to make milk for her and I am going to keep doing it...I can probably focus a little more on me, extra workouts, etc, but I'm not going to drag myself down anymore about it, Cora won't nurse forever, and when she's done, I can get back to kicking butt.

But it's been a year, a year since one of the most amazing days of my life, a day that I relive over and over again, a day that I smile about over and over again.  It was a day that reminds me of my strength, Sean's support and our teamwork.  It was also a day that reminded me how much Liam has grown up, what a big boy he was that morning when I had Cora.  I think back to what a sweet and honest moment it was when he came in to meet Cora.  I said something to him today about how it was Cora's birthday and asked him if remembered how she was born in the bathtub, he said he did and asked me some questions about when I was pregnant, said he remembered when daddy put me in the tub.  

So yeah, a year, a year of so many things, my baby girl is growing up and I miss my little snuggle bug, I'm lucky that she is still a snuggle bug, or at least I make her be one.  I love walking with her in a carrier and feeding her, even though she mostly wants to look around and play...she still likes to be close to me and that's an amazing feeling, I look forward to growing with her as our relationship changes, but in the end, she will always be my baby girl.