Dreams

I sit here tonight and fight drifting off to sleep, watching the Men's Soccer game, they dream of qualifying for the World Cup tonight.  And they can, and it's looking like they might.  And I starting thinking about my dreams.  So many of my dreams in life have come true.  I stumbled into a job I love and couldn't imagine my life with Special Olympics being a part of it.  I have found the most wonderful husband, father and man I could have ever asked for.  I have a pretty darn amazing, and challenging baby, who is growing up each day before my eyes.  I have a great dog, a house that I like and am surrounded by more wonderful family and friends that I could have ever imagined.

And I am so grateful for all of it.  Sure, I have my moments where I take it for granted, where I forget the important things, that my baby is happy and healthy, that my husband loves me more than humanly possible, but for the most part, I wake up each day, or go to bed each night grateful for what I have.  I know I am lucky, even though I am upset that I don't sleep much due to my little guy.  I still know how lucky I am when he cries to know that he has healthy lungs - and yes, they are healthy.

I am so lucky to have a husband who listens to me when I talk or cry, who calmly handles me when I yell about things out of everyone's control, who explains to me in this same calm way, that maybe I am being a little crazy and somehow gets me to see his point of view - sometimes.  I have a husband who knows how hard I am working to do the best I can for Liam and it has been a struggle.  I have a husband who understands how hard certain things have been with Liam, his birth, our breastfeeding journey, just to name a few.  He has supported me through my tears, my struggles and my triumphs.  And I hope to think I have done the same for him.

So, with all of this that I have going for me, do I really get to have all my dreams come true and do I get to live this great and wonderful life in the mountains?  That's the plan we have set in front of us.  Those are the thoughts we are sending into the universe.  Am I being greedy?  Am I asking for too much?  Shouldn't I just be happy where I am?

Sean is a seeker - his brother read a great best man speech about how Sean is a seeker - always looking to improve, looking for a better situation, looking to grow and learn more.  And at some point, that concerned me - what if I wasn't enough, what if Sean needed to seek more?  What do I do?  Well, that has never been the case, he has continued to seek new jobs, new adventures, but never a new me.  He has wanted me with him through it all.  So, at some point, recently, we talked about being stagnant.  And that is where we are.   We are happy, we are content, but is there more for us?  Are we just standing still if we don't try to move or advance ourselves in some way or another?  Maybe...but does that mean a move cross country is the answer.

We will see, we will see if all our dreams come true and the mountains too.  Right now, the thoughts are out there - extra pay for Sean, a moving stipend and some rent money for a few months.  So right now, we wait, we wait to see if the CEO liked Sean enough today, we wait to hear some news - good news so we can make our decision and start this crazy journey.

But don't get me wrong, I am still very grateful for everything I have - even if I am only getting about 2 hours of sleep at a time - I am in bed next to my favorite guys, waking up to cuddle them and love them...so, wherever the future takes me, as long as I have that with me, I am more than thrilled!