Visions vs. Realities

Yesterday was such a fun day, was out shopping with Liam and Dot in the rain, hung out with my parents for a bit and despite the fact that Liam didn't take any long naps, he was in a good mood.  Of course, until crabby time, about 5:00, when I decided I was going to put together his standing toy, so I could put him in it while I cleaned my dresser and closet.  See, I plan (move or no move) to pair down my belongings, especially my clothes, most of it that hasn't been worn in years.  And then, if I had time, I make some cookies.  

Then I open the box and sit Liam down.  And I made sure to take out all the light up parts and put batteries in them, so Liam would have something fun to play with.  Of course, he is already surrounded with his regular toys on the ground.  And then he cries and cries and screams.  And of course, I am frustrated, trying to get this thing put together and all Liam wants to do is play with the screw driver.  And I'm stuck, the pieces aren't going together, the kid is crying, and soon, I start to cry.  Uh oh, here we go, falling down the cliff.  I call Sean and am upset, then get upset with him.  I know Liam is over tired and needs to sleep - so I feed him and he dozes in my lap.  Awesome, so helpful.  I move around him to continue to put this thing together.  Success - mostly.  Then Liam wakes up and is even madder than he was before.  I try to feed him food this time, calm him down and just about anything.  No luck at all.  He finally is content for a few minutes sitting in my lap while I try to put this this together.  And then he is done...and I am done too.  I finished and put him in it...hoping for a few minutes where he will be distracted and I can pull myself together for bedtime.  But no, he just screams...great, he hates it, I wasted my time, and I can't even get anything done tonight.  Great.  So, I take him out, sit with him and wonder why he is so upset, why am I so upset, what happened between the time I got home and now to throw me into this mess.  Oh yeah, I made a plan.  I made a plan to get something done and Liam wanted nothing to do with it.

So, we proceeded to bed time...which was at least an hour, half of it screaming the other half was probably me doubting my motherly instincts and abilities.  Ugh.  So, yeah, I had a vision of what was going to happen and look how that turned out.  I also have a vision of Colorado.  Of the mountains in our backyard, of morning hikes through the woods, of a fire place and snowy adventures.  And then I wonder about the reality.  Packing up all we have and moving, starting over, being alone.  How will we do it?  How will I handle those stresses?  Better than these?  

So, again, I fell down hard last night, hard.  And I got up this morning and I am going to try again.  I am going to push past this little cold I have and I am going to enjoy the next few days I have with Sean and not get upset when things done happen as planned...if this baby has taught me anything, is that plans can be a waste of time - I think I need to just start looking at things a little different - no plans - just ideas.  Right now, the ideas are still of Sean getting a call today with a great offer so we can move forward with the next step in our wonderful life.