Stress and Clutter

Ugh, I hate stress, I hate it more than I hate clutter - well, no I think I hate clutter more, because for me, clutter causes stress.  A messy closet, a night stand full of this and that, a desk with papers all over - that is clutter for most, but for me, it equals stress.  My work is a cluttered mess and so is my house, at times.  My dresser has had piles of clothes on it since the beginning of the summer because I haven't packed away my maternity clothes yet.  And my closet is so full and always had a pile in front of it, it is terrible.  So, this weeks mission - or the next few weeks.  De-clutter and therefore de-stress.  I need it, BAD!  My mind is so cluttered with thoughts of moving, of just wanting to up and leave, just leave it all behind, I am lost in it.  In my own clutter.  My head is cluttered, I can't seem to focus on things, I just think about moving.  I am thinking about uprooting and turning out lives upside down in every possible way, then I close my eyes and see the mountain views, I feel the mountain air and I hope beyond all hopes that our projections in the universe will come true - double pay for Sean, moving expenses and even some rent for a few months when we get there.  I know, dreaming big.  I know, outlandish.  But at times, I think the whole idea is a little bit outlandish.  And sometimes I just want to put my head down and take a nap and dream about moving, about the fun part of it all.  Not about the work part of it.  And maybe the nap is due to my lack of sleep...but I think my heart is already dreaming of something different.  My heart wants to move.  My soul wants to feel the mountain air.  My body wants something different.

Ugh, just ugh...I need a decision to be made soon.  I need to get my head in one place, not both.  I need us to find out soon about Sean's job, if we are going to do it, if we are going to take a chance and jump into the land of unknown or if we are going to stay put, always wanting more.  Tomorrow, another important day in the journey - tomorrow, we will be one step closer to knowing more.   Until then, double pay, moving expense and some living expenses.  Let's figure this life of ours out!