Balance - it has always been a struggle for me, I tend to be an all in or all out kind of person. I have gotten better at that, but again, it's just tough sometimes. So, I was excited when I decided I wanted to have a very balanced weekend - we would spend one day on a super awesome hike - something we had never done before. We'd spend the other day keeping things pretty local, maybe me getting my run in, maybe the beach nearby and then just cleaning, doing laundry and me getting things ready for our trip. The plan was going to work out. I got home a little early on Friday and we decided to meet some friends for an early dinner. Dinner went mostly well, so well that we decided to hang out after dinner for a bit. It was like we had a life again. Liam was in a good mood, Cora was happy - all was good.
We got home, got the kids to bed and watched Gone Girl, which I mostly slept through, even though I read the book. We headed upstairs and Cora was being a little fussy so she slept in bed with us. At some point, Liam came in and I snuggled Cora nice and close to make sure Liam had his space. Little Cora wanted to eat most of the night, which was fine since we have had success at lay down nursing, just not when Liam is in bed with us. So, I took her with me to Liam's bed and we slept well, until Sean came in and mentioned his stomach hurt. No need to go into all the details, but the bottom line was that we weren't going anywhere. No hike today, no beach, nothing at all, at least for a while. Ugh, I was bummed, I really needed and wanted to do something new and exciting, instead we stayed home and played, which Liam does really well. Sean laid around and we hung out - no cleaning, no going out, nothing really. And all of that would have been fine, except for the fact that on Sunday Sean was going to go climbing with a friend, leaving me at home again with the kids. Yes, I could have gone out and done something, but I struggle with that still. I have to find the balance of that as well - taking the kids out on my own, which I feel is a bit more difficult since I am still nursing her. She has her moments where I can plan to go out during feeds, and feed her when I am out, I just don't know if I trust Liam enough to play well while I am doing that. I should have just taken them to the park, she does nurse well in her carriers, that way I can keep an eye on Liam and feed her, oh well, lesson learned for next time Sean gets so sick!
So, everyone took a nap and I relaxed, catching up on some trashy TV. Sean was feeling better after his nap and eating a bit, enough so to take the kids to the pool and go swimming. Liam loves to swim, that kid is a fish with no fear. I know he will want to swim all next week at my parents - and I'm hoping the water isn't too cold. Cora seems to enjoy the water as well, she floats a bit, kicks her legs and giggles a lot. We swam for a bit and headed home to a nice dinner and quiet night. We shut the TV off nice and early to get our yoga in before bedtime. I knew Sean was going to go climbing, it was an exciting trip for him and it was part of his birthday present, ha, mostly all of it, I guess...except for the moose that greets us daily now.
He made his plans and headed out, we had a nice morning, Liam played, watched a little movie while I sneezed my brains out and blew my nose, needless to say I felt like going no where. So, here I sit, again, in the house with the kids, not feeling well and needing a break. Sean got home and I decided we should take a ride up to Mt. Evans. The road was finally open and I wasn't sure if we'd get another chance to go. We head out, up and up and up, winding roads leading to reach over 14,000 feet. And of course, on the way up, I started to not feel good, so we switched and I drove, which was a little alarming, pretty close to the edges at some points. We saw mountain goats on the way up, even baby ones. We finally got to the top and go out to walk around. Liam had a blast, clearly he doesn't have any altitude issues at all. Cora was happy as well, she ate a little and giggled a lot.
And then it came time to drive back down, I knew I didn't want to do that, so I had Sean take the wheel, it was fine, we coasted down, saw plenty of mountain goats and other wildlife on the way...it was fun, very fun, until the screaming started. It was Cora, and she was upset. At this point, it was getting pretty late and I mostly just wanted to get home for dinner. We did stop at one spot for Liam to try and go potty, which he did, but I think that upset her more. As she started to cry a bit, we pushed onward, figuring she'd take her pacifier and calm down and maybe fall asleep. She did for a bit, but then it hit, full on upset and super mad screaming and crying. It was like with each scream a knife dug into my heart, thinking I made a huge mistake, we should have stayed home, etc. It was tough. We stopped once, I fed her a bit and she was content...then, when I went to put her back in her car seat, I clipped her finger and she got even more upset. But, she again took her pacifier and calmed down...until the next screaming began. It was terrible, we stopped again, by this point, Liam is wanting to get out, bedtime is getting close and I feel stressed. Not like I can slow down and breath stress, but oh my gosh, what is wrong my baby stress. And deep down, I knew nothing was wrong with her. So, I changed her diaper again, she was a poop machine that day and fed her a bit more and got her back in her seat.
Sean decided to go in the back to sit with the kids, and of course, she laughed most of the rest of the way home. Then Liam says that his stomach hurts. Thankfully I had a coughing bowl (a tupperware container) in the car from another trip we took and as he started to cough, Sean was able to catch all of it. So, again, we pulled over. And I was done at this point, done with trips, done with adventures, just done. I dumped out the puke in the bowl and as I looked up to turn to get back in the car, we saw a whole herd of elk in the not so far distance. They were in a small lake, playing, swimming, splashing, even the babies. It was so amazing and beautiful. Liam loved watching them, Sean went ahead and pointed out that if Liam didn't get sick, if we didn't stop all those times, etc., we might have missed them. I thought it as soon as I saw them. We sat for a while, Cora happy and giggly, Liam saying wow, pointing and yelling look mommy, the babies and all was right...and the trip was worth it. Or was it, I still struggle with knowing what to expect from my kids on these trips and what to expect from me on these trips. I don't expect tons, I tend to do a pretty good job of feeding Cora and making sure she is happy before we hit the road, but yesterday was an off day, I guess.
And that's how I plan to look at it, as an off day, or an error of leaving the summit too soon and maybe trying to feed her more. Or perhaps her ears were popping as mine were. But instead of thinking I shouldn't leave the house for the next ten years (because I did tell Sean that), maybe I just learn and continue to improve the adventures we have. I have to remember that even before kids our adventures weren't perfect, after all, that is what makes them adventures. I'm already looking forward to the next camping trip, the next chance for these kids to love the adventures we take, but remembering to take time for me to enjoy them as well.
