We woke up Saturday morning with a whole day ahead of us. We had just spent 2 days in the car and I was itching for some outside time. The morning starting with a healthy breakfast (I have been eating garbage the last few weeks, a smoothie was just the thing!) and a decision to go for a hike. We wanted to make sure we also took Burton with to get him some exercise, and while he hasn't been practicing on a leash for very long, we decided the best bet was a local dog park, Elk Meadow (http://jeffco.us/parks/parks-and-trails/elk-meadow-dog-off-leash-area/). It's about a 30 minute drive, a perfect chance for Liam to catch a quick power nap, and time enough for me and Sean to hydrate and have a few snacks. When we got there, the parking lot was packed, but we squeezed into a space. Burton had to know something good was about to happen, he was so excited.
We got Liam all set in his back pack, his first ride in it and hit the trails. The weather was great, mid-40s and SUN! We set out for a loop around the perimeter of most of the park. Burton (and Sean) also had a new toy. Burton had a collar that can track him, so we can have an idea of what direction he is in and how far away he is. Not sure what his deal was,. but he was such a good dog. He came most times we called him, he never ran too far away, I would swear it wasn't him. It was a great little hike, a great park. He met tons of dogs and was so happy to be out of the car. We finished off the night with a snowy drive to meet a few friends for dinner. It was nice to meet some new people that share some interests that we do and hopefully we will share some adventures with them as well.
Today we decided we really should get some work done unpacking. We spent the morning doing that but couldn't waste the whole day inside. We took a trip about 15 minutes down the road to Meyer Ranch Park (http://jeffco.us/parks/parks-and-trails/meyer-ranch-park/). There was a great sledding hill, probably about the size of Four Lakes in Lisle and trails for hiking. We decided we would just head out for a short hike, since it was a little chilly and getting late. The hike was gorgeous. At certain points, we were surrounded by amazing, huge pine trees with a light coat of snow. Other points overlooked the sledding hill. We took Owl's Perch Trail to the Lodgepole Loop, and ended up doing just over 2 miles. Burton, again, was a good dog. He was on his leash for most of the time, but at certain points, we gave him a bit of freedom. I think there was only one time where we lost site of him. Sean wore Liam today and he enjoyed every minute of it. He didn't doze off, or even stop giggling all that much. Every now and then, he would quiet down, but as soon as Burton came running, he would make his Burton sound and laugh some more. We did stop a few times for a few things, he wasn't a huge fan of that.
Needless to say, I'm bummed Sean has to start work tomorrow and I have to do the same on Friday. But we will figure it all out. I have a few more days to unpack and unwind before we get to real life. Someone it all still seems like a vacation. I'm sure that will change soon! But for now, we're going to enjoy it.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Getting settled
Yes, it is now time to get settled in our new place. I feel like the holidays went by in such a blur I didn't even have time to take out my computer and write about them. They were busy, full of friends and family and love and laughs. It was hard to stop and enjoy all the moments, we were rushing off here and there, but overall, we had a great time. Liam had a great Christmas and enjoyed opening his presents. He was a little slow but got plenty of help from his cousins. And the we packed the car, said our good byes and headed out.
I was doing a good job of putting off long drawn out good byes with most people - most people I convinced I would still see them before I leave, so we could put it off. Some people we just pretended like nothing was changing. And then there was my family. It was hard to say good bye to my sister, we are both cry-ers, so I knew that was going to happen. We had a great, long hug and neither of us wanted to let go. I promised we would be back, see them again and be in touch. I don't imagine myself not going back to see my family, perhaps not as often as I had before, but I will still see them. It was hard to say good bye to my parents. Watching them say good bye to Liam was tough as well. In a way, I'm glad he didn't know any better, I'm thinking if he did, that would have been really hard on them. But, again, I promised we'd be back to visit and I made them promise they would come and see us as well. I am thinking I have to work on getting that all set up, that visit. Liam will be so excited to see them again, I know he will.
And then we have started to unpack, or kept unpacking, however you want to look at it and it has been a chore. We have so many things, and perhaps not enough places to put them, but we are making it work. But now, it's the real reason for this blog, to get us closer to nature, to enjoy the mountains and to find out place at this higher altitude. While I am sure there will be plenty of emotional blogs about missing this and that, there will also be blogs about our adventures, where we have gone and what we have done. So, join us!
I was doing a good job of putting off long drawn out good byes with most people - most people I convinced I would still see them before I leave, so we could put it off. Some people we just pretended like nothing was changing. And then there was my family. It was hard to say good bye to my sister, we are both cry-ers, so I knew that was going to happen. We had a great, long hug and neither of us wanted to let go. I promised we would be back, see them again and be in touch. I don't imagine myself not going back to see my family, perhaps not as often as I had before, but I will still see them. It was hard to say good bye to my parents. Watching them say good bye to Liam was tough as well. In a way, I'm glad he didn't know any better, I'm thinking if he did, that would have been really hard on them. But, again, I promised we'd be back to visit and I made them promise they would come and see us as well. I am thinking I have to work on getting that all set up, that visit. Liam will be so excited to see them again, I know he will.
And then we have started to unpack, or kept unpacking, however you want to look at it and it has been a chore. We have so many things, and perhaps not enough places to put them, but we are making it work. But now, it's the real reason for this blog, to get us closer to nature, to enjoy the mountains and to find out place at this higher altitude. While I am sure there will be plenty of emotional blogs about missing this and that, there will also be blogs about our adventures, where we have gone and what we have done. So, join us!
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Just a few more hours...
Yes, Sean is on the plane, phone shut off and hopefully on his way here. I can't wait to see him. I just want to hug him and hold him so close - and get my kiss good night tonight.
It has been a long few weeks without him. I have been trying to figure out why I have been so emotional as of late. Certain things just make me tear up and it has been hard to go through all of this without my best friend. My little guy is turning 1 tomorrow, I'm leaving my job, a job that I love and people I care about. And then I'm leaving - leaving here, leaving my life, or rather opening the next chapter to my life. I have been having a hard time looking past what is in front of me and looking toward what we are moving for. I have just been trying to get by, one day at a time. Taking each day in stride, waiting for Sean to be joining us again and being a part of the family...waiting for my best friend to be back in my life. And today, that will happen, well, technically tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will get to celebrate Liam's first birthday - 1 whole year of trying to be the best mom I can be, trying to learn with him, teach him and grow with him. And a year of changing. And next year will have even more changes. But right now, I am just going to take things a day at a time, and know that in a few hours I will get to see Sean, and we will celebrate our little Liam - tomorrow is about him, it's not about our move, it's not about new jobs, it's about Liam. Every night I give him a kiss and tell him that he is amazing and that he will change the world some day - funny how much he already has.
It has been a long few weeks without him. I have been trying to figure out why I have been so emotional as of late. Certain things just make me tear up and it has been hard to go through all of this without my best friend. My little guy is turning 1 tomorrow, I'm leaving my job, a job that I love and people I care about. And then I'm leaving - leaving here, leaving my life, or rather opening the next chapter to my life. I have been having a hard time looking past what is in front of me and looking toward what we are moving for. I have just been trying to get by, one day at a time. Taking each day in stride, waiting for Sean to be joining us again and being a part of the family...waiting for my best friend to be back in my life. And today, that will happen, well, technically tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will get to celebrate Liam's first birthday - 1 whole year of trying to be the best mom I can be, trying to learn with him, teach him and grow with him. And a year of changing. And next year will have even more changes. But right now, I am just going to take things a day at a time, and know that in a few hours I will get to see Sean, and we will celebrate our little Liam - tomorrow is about him, it's not about our move, it's not about new jobs, it's about Liam. Every night I give him a kiss and tell him that he is amazing and that he will change the world some day - funny how much he already has.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
My birthday
Yes, today was my 36th birthday, eek...that makes me sound old, really old. Oh well, I don't feel that old. I feel pretty great. It was a pretty great day. I got to cuddle my little Liam this morning, fed him and giggled with him in bed before I headed to work. I came out to the kitchen to find a present from Liam, Sean and my parents. I had breakfast with some great people, finished plenty of work and it was time to head home. Then off to a yummy sushi dinner with my parents and Liam. And I finished off the evening with an amazing group of women at my LLL meeting. Phew, it was a busy day, but it was a great day. I almost forgot that Sean wasn't here. Almost. I also kept remembering that in only 2 days I will see him. So, it was a great birthday, but there is so much more great to come over the next few days.
Sean will be here, Liam will 1, family time, friend time, not enough time before I leave, but plenty of time as well. Tomorrow I will see many work people for the last time. It will be hard to say good bye to many of them, but I do hope I will keep in touch. I also know that I am better at what I do and who I am because of most of them. Ah, so many good byes to come, so many tears to flow, and so much to look forward to. It's time to lay my mind to rest today and hoping that I will be able to sleep...because then tomorrow, it will only be 1 more day until I see Sean. And then this blog will be about our move and our new life - not just how much I miss Sean!
Sean will be here, Liam will 1, family time, friend time, not enough time before I leave, but plenty of time as well. Tomorrow I will see many work people for the last time. It will be hard to say good bye to many of them, but I do hope I will keep in touch. I also know that I am better at what I do and who I am because of most of them. Ah, so many good byes to come, so many tears to flow, and so much to look forward to. It's time to lay my mind to rest today and hoping that I will be able to sleep...because then tomorrow, it will only be 1 more day until I see Sean. And then this blog will be about our move and our new life - not just how much I miss Sean!
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
8 days
Yes, this time next week, I will be waiting just one more day to see Sean. But for now, it is 8 more days. 8 more days of no good night kisses, of talking to Sean on the phone, of video chatting. 8 more days of me and Liam, with my parents help. 8 more days to see as many people as I can before I leave. 8 more days until Sean gets here and we can celebrate our holidays and then we leave.
And then we leave. I have been so busy missing Sean that I haven't even really thought about the fact that in about 2 weeks, we are moving to Colorado for good. It will be hard, Sean will still be working tons, I will be taking care of Liam on my own. But at least I will get good night kisses. And some days, Sean will be off and I will get to see him. We will be able to explore, take Burton and Liam on a hike, a snowy hike, or an ice skating trip, or just a drive to see the pretty mountains and scenery. Or maybe even take a trip to go snowboarding. Ugh, but those days when he isn't off are going to be ROUGH. I will count the days again until that ends. So, now I think it is I need a change of thinking. I'm tired of counting down to be done with things. I feel like I am looking at the glass being half empty. And that's not who I am. I am a half full person. The last few weeks have taken a toll on me, beat me down a bit, turned me around. It's time to take my own time to turn myself around. How do I do that? How do I find time for myself to make my glass half full? I have little to no time to myself, ever. I have done better and getting in my workouts, and that helps. Maybe I need more of that. Maybe I need to get my yoga going again. Maybe the evenings need to be more about the things I can do in the other room instead of sitting here and doing nothing. I need to take time to clear my head, to make sure that I have my glass half full.
I think part of the problem is that I am running on empty. I am tired, I am burned out and I need a break. Gosh, I have no idea how single parents do it. I need a pick me up. I need something to recharge me. I don't know what I need. Maybe I just need a mountain view. Maybe I need a reminder of why we are going through all of this. Maybe I just need to be with Sean. I need our family to be together, I need a good night kiss. And I need to change my thinking, I need to get that glass half full again. And the journey continues....
And then we leave. I have been so busy missing Sean that I haven't even really thought about the fact that in about 2 weeks, we are moving to Colorado for good. It will be hard, Sean will still be working tons, I will be taking care of Liam on my own. But at least I will get good night kisses. And some days, Sean will be off and I will get to see him. We will be able to explore, take Burton and Liam on a hike, a snowy hike, or an ice skating trip, or just a drive to see the pretty mountains and scenery. Or maybe even take a trip to go snowboarding. Ugh, but those days when he isn't off are going to be ROUGH. I will count the days again until that ends. So, now I think it is I need a change of thinking. I'm tired of counting down to be done with things. I feel like I am looking at the glass being half empty. And that's not who I am. I am a half full person. The last few weeks have taken a toll on me, beat me down a bit, turned me around. It's time to take my own time to turn myself around. How do I do that? How do I find time for myself to make my glass half full? I have little to no time to myself, ever. I have done better and getting in my workouts, and that helps. Maybe I need more of that. Maybe I need to get my yoga going again. Maybe the evenings need to be more about the things I can do in the other room instead of sitting here and doing nothing. I need to take time to clear my head, to make sure that I have my glass half full.
I think part of the problem is that I am running on empty. I am tired, I am burned out and I need a break. Gosh, I have no idea how single parents do it. I need a pick me up. I need something to recharge me. I don't know what I need. Maybe I just need a mountain view. Maybe I need a reminder of why we are going through all of this. Maybe I just need to be with Sean. I need our family to be together, I need a good night kiss. And I need to change my thinking, I need to get that glass half full again. And the journey continues....
Monday, December 9, 2013
It's hard for a reason
I have to keep telling myself that. If I didn't care about Sean so much and love him so much, it wouldn't be so hard to be away from him. If I didn't rely on him so much to help with Liam, it wouldn't be so hard to do it alone, in a sense. So, it's hard for a reason, for all the right reasons.
I found the right person for me, the person who lifts me up when I am down, or laughs with me when I need it most. The person who reminds me that my reason to not breakdown again is him, he needs me to be strong, for him, for me and for Liam. The person who, just thinking about seeing him makes me smile and cry at the same time. I can't wait to see him, to hug him, to hold him close and just to be with him. I am counting the days and soon, it will be the hours and minutes until his plane lands.
But for now, I will go back to being as strong as I can. I will try to let the stress roll off me, I will try to handle as much as I can. I will also remember that sometimes a little release of emotion isn't as bad as bottling everything up and letting myself explode. It's time for me to wait, just a few more days, to see the man of my dreams, my soul mate, my love, the father of my little monster. And to be with him again - for forever. Yep, smiling and crying at the same time again!
I found the right person for me, the person who lifts me up when I am down, or laughs with me when I need it most. The person who reminds me that my reason to not breakdown again is him, he needs me to be strong, for him, for me and for Liam. The person who, just thinking about seeing him makes me smile and cry at the same time. I can't wait to see him, to hug him, to hold him close and just to be with him. I am counting the days and soon, it will be the hours and minutes until his plane lands.
But for now, I will go back to being as strong as I can. I will try to let the stress roll off me, I will try to handle as much as I can. I will also remember that sometimes a little release of emotion isn't as bad as bottling everything up and letting myself explode. It's time for me to wait, just a few more days, to see the man of my dreams, my soul mate, my love, the father of my little monster. And to be with him again - for forever. Yep, smiling and crying at the same time again!
Friday, December 6, 2013
Stronger
This morning on my way to work the saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And while I agree with that, there is more to it than just being made stronger. You have to want to fight to get stronger. I'll admit, the past few days have been REALLY hard without Sean. I have just felt something inside of me want to give up, just wanted to quit and sit in a corner and cry until I got to see Sean again. Then today, or yesterday, something clicked with me. I let go of the wanting to cry in a corner and decided that I have 2 more weeks to step up and take care of me and my Liam until I am back with my husband again. Maybe it's my cozy cuddle duds, or maybe my new outfit, maybe it is because I will see Sean in less than 2 weeks, or maybe just maybe the saying was right. I wasn't dead. I was stronger.
I was done being crabby and annoyed about things, I'm done being worried about things I can't control anymore. It has been hard, really hard for me to let go of work. I want everything to stay how it was, because I felt like I did a good job. And I know I felt that way when I left Chicago, but then I had another job to worry about, so I could only worry about it so much. But for now, it is what it is. I can only do so much to dictate how things go next year, and then I can just step away and wish everyone the best. I always joked that I could do my job in Colorado, but now, now I have a new job to do out there! And well, maybe that has provided me some relief as well. I have a job, and not just any job, perhaps my dream job with Special Olympics in my dream state! Woo hoo! Yes, and I can finally say something about it. I can scream it to the mountains, ha, that will take on a whole new meaning soon!
So yeah, life has been dragging me down, sucking my energy and just overall kicking my butt. And I'm done with it, I'm ready to kick back. I was down, but I am certainly not out. And I know Sean will be happier to hear this than anyone.
So yeah, life has been dragging me down, sucking my energy and just overall kicking my butt. And I'm done with it, I'm ready to kick back. I was down, but I am certainly not out. And I know Sean will be happier to hear this than anyone.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
New life
People keep asking me if I'm excited about our move, how things are going and blah, blah, blah. It's hard for me to answer that. I don't know how I feel, I don't know how to feel because except for the fact that I live with my parents, my life isn't any different. I don't have a new life yet. I don't have a new job to meet people at, I don't wake up to the mountain sun rise. I don't watch the weather and wonder if I will make it up the driveway when I get home. I don't get to go out hiking on a weekend. I don't get to go to the local bar to meet people.
So, I guess I'm a bit jealous, a bit jealous Sean has all this time out there, that he gets to start his new life without us. I know he misses us, but I also know that he can't get what I am going through. I do appreciate that I can be here and spend some more time with people here, but I also talk to him and long to be with him, to be on this new adventure together. It's hard, to hear him meet new people, have dinner with this couple or that couple, meeting these people for drinks and all of that. I am happy, so happy he has things to do, so happy that his new life is going well. But it is just hard, hard to be away from him and hard to be stuck here in this life when I know there is so much more out there - so much more that Sean gets to experience and be a part of - and me, I am just stuck here.
I know I should appreciate what I do have, and I do. I just wish I had more feelings of excitement about it all, more to talk about because I've been there and have lived the new life. I guess I just let it be what it is...and be happy that Sean is keeping busy and be excited to hear about his new life - and look forward to sharing that with him soon.
So, I guess I'm a bit jealous, a bit jealous Sean has all this time out there, that he gets to start his new life without us. I know he misses us, but I also know that he can't get what I am going through. I do appreciate that I can be here and spend some more time with people here, but I also talk to him and long to be with him, to be on this new adventure together. It's hard, to hear him meet new people, have dinner with this couple or that couple, meeting these people for drinks and all of that. I am happy, so happy he has things to do, so happy that his new life is going well. But it is just hard, hard to be away from him and hard to be stuck here in this life when I know there is so much more out there - so much more that Sean gets to experience and be a part of - and me, I am just stuck here.
I know I should appreciate what I do have, and I do. I just wish I had more feelings of excitement about it all, more to talk about because I've been there and have lived the new life. I guess I just let it be what it is...and be happy that Sean is keeping busy and be excited to hear about his new life - and look forward to sharing that with him soon.
Monday, December 2, 2013
17 days
The countdown has begun, I know, kind of lame, but I miss my husband, is that so lame? In 17 days I will see Sean again, and Liam will see his daddy and we have decided that pretty much no matter what, we will NEVER go this long without seeing each other. At least that is what I decided.
And today was a better day, I went to work, got to work out, I always forget how good that makes me feel, I ate well, I got to play with my little guy and right now, he is sleeping. The only thing that will make the night better, if he keeps sleeping.
And I remembered to relax, and that when he cries, that is really the only way he knows how to express that something is wrong. And I also realized that even though I know that, his screams that I can't fix just break my heart. I am thinking that is just another part of being a mom - along with the fact that I can do everything in my power to keep my little man safe, but sometimes, life has a way of changing plans. There is only so much I can control and maybe that is part of me still learning to let go - let him be the kid he wants to be, I'm sure I'll run into this issue as he grows up as well. For now, I can just love him the most I can, comfort him the best way I know how and be there. I can always do those things for him.
And in 17 days his daddy can help and do all those things with him. I wonder how many more times I will cry before I see him.
And today was a better day, I went to work, got to work out, I always forget how good that makes me feel, I ate well, I got to play with my little guy and right now, he is sleeping. The only thing that will make the night better, if he keeps sleeping.
And I remembered to relax, and that when he cries, that is really the only way he knows how to express that something is wrong. And I also realized that even though I know that, his screams that I can't fix just break my heart. I am thinking that is just another part of being a mom - along with the fact that I can do everything in my power to keep my little man safe, but sometimes, life has a way of changing plans. There is only so much I can control and maybe that is part of me still learning to let go - let him be the kid he wants to be, I'm sure I'll run into this issue as he grows up as well. For now, I can just love him the most I can, comfort him the best way I know how and be there. I can always do those things for him.
And in 17 days his daddy can help and do all those things with him. I wonder how many more times I will cry before I see him.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Distance and Distant, same difference
Well, I have been absent for a while, in a few ways. I have been really busy, finishing a few work events, Thanksgiving, and just spending all my time trying not to be too much of a burden on my family and our extended stay. I also just wanted to be unplugged for a while, I think I wanted to sit and figure a few things out on my own, not sure what or why...but I just wanted some time away from a computer.
But now I also remember why I started this blog, to get my thoughts out, not for anyone in particular, but for me to not keep my thought bottled up, especially since my best friend isn't here. And while I know I have people to talk to, I don't have that person, the one that understands me without me having to say anything, the one that loves me no matter what I say, the one that cares about me and what I think, even when I am being a bit crazy. So, that's why I started the blog. So I can get my thoughts out and for some reason I haven't wanted to.
I haven't wanted to admit how hard it is to be away from Sean, how hard it is for me to not have Liam's dad around to make him laugh, to change his diaper and to entertain him. I don't want to admit that each time I talk to Sean, I just want to cry because I miss him so much. I have been busy, so that has at least been good. But at night, when I lay down with Liam (and yes, he still sleeps with me, and I don't think I could have it any other way right now) and kiss him good night, an extra kiss from Daddy, I cuddle close to him and I wish it was Sean. I love my baby, I do, I love him more than I ever knew possible. But he isn't Sean. He isn't my husband, he isn't the one who can just hold me close and make it all better. But at least I have him, and Burton.
I forget that Sean is alone and while he has freedom to do whatever he wants to do, but he is missing is us just as much as we are missing him. Maybe even more. And while I'm in the midst of crazy Liam getting into everything, I forget that I have to be grateful for that. Instead of being upset with him, and chasing him and all that, I want to remember to watch him and enjoy him because Sean doesn't get to do that.
So, here I sit, typing away, my thoughts are starting to come back to me, and I want to remember to keep exploring and sharing how I feel. Because right now, Sean can't always listen to me right now (crappy phone service and internet don't help) and I just have to remember I am still not alone. He is there, Liam and Burton are here, to be honest and totally cheesy, Sean is always in my heart and I'm in his.
But now I also remember why I started this blog, to get my thoughts out, not for anyone in particular, but for me to not keep my thought bottled up, especially since my best friend isn't here. And while I know I have people to talk to, I don't have that person, the one that understands me without me having to say anything, the one that loves me no matter what I say, the one that cares about me and what I think, even when I am being a bit crazy. So, that's why I started the blog. So I can get my thoughts out and for some reason I haven't wanted to.
I haven't wanted to admit how hard it is to be away from Sean, how hard it is for me to not have Liam's dad around to make him laugh, to change his diaper and to entertain him. I don't want to admit that each time I talk to Sean, I just want to cry because I miss him so much. I have been busy, so that has at least been good. But at night, when I lay down with Liam (and yes, he still sleeps with me, and I don't think I could have it any other way right now) and kiss him good night, an extra kiss from Daddy, I cuddle close to him and I wish it was Sean. I love my baby, I do, I love him more than I ever knew possible. But he isn't Sean. He isn't my husband, he isn't the one who can just hold me close and make it all better. But at least I have him, and Burton.
I forget that Sean is alone and while he has freedom to do whatever he wants to do, but he is missing is us just as much as we are missing him. Maybe even more. And while I'm in the midst of crazy Liam getting into everything, I forget that I have to be grateful for that. Instead of being upset with him, and chasing him and all that, I want to remember to watch him and enjoy him because Sean doesn't get to do that.
So, here I sit, typing away, my thoughts are starting to come back to me, and I want to remember to keep exploring and sharing how I feel. Because right now, Sean can't always listen to me right now (crappy phone service and internet don't help) and I just have to remember I am still not alone. He is there, Liam and Burton are here, to be honest and totally cheesy, Sean is always in my heart and I'm in his.
Monday, November 18, 2013
A little catching up to do
Yes, I have fallen a bit behind. I didn't have internet service and I enjoyed being "unplugged" to some extent. So, now I can go back and account all of the steps we have taken over the last few weeks, how the drive seemed to take forever, how Liam actually handled the travel pretty well, how I got to drive the truck with a giant trailer behind it, how when we finally got to the house the roads were so dark, we had no idea where we were going and how I think that was best. I can write about Sean's calm nerves while driving the trailer and backing it up to our house, how we had to sleep on the floor the first night and how I dried myself off with wash rags the first day, and how the movers were 2 1/2 days later than we thought they were going to be, and how dumb they were when they got there.
But instead, I am going to spend a little time writing about all the cool things we discovered, all the adventures we had in the short time we had. Monday we got into to Conifer when it was dark, I don't even think it was all that late, but I knew it was dark, and a million stars were out to greet us. We met with the owner of the house and he was so nice to show us the ropes while Liam happily crawled around the huge open space. Then we fell asleep, me on a yoga mat, Sean on the cushions of a couch and Liam cuddled with me. And sleeping wasn't all that great, but it was something, it wasn't a hotel, and it was home.
And Tuesday we spent the morning doing a little shopping and then getting ready to head to my interview. Fingers still crossed that the job all works out. Sean and Liam did some shopping, we found some sushi dinner and headed back to our house. We were able to dig out the futon pad to sleep on that and we did find some blankets (rather than coats of the night before), so again, we fell asleep on the floor in front of the gas fire place. We got up on Wednesday and Sean started his job. Liam and I spent the day doing a little unpacking, taking a walk and just hanging out starting to feel at home, waiting for Sean to get home and hear about his day.
The rest of the week went about the same, Liam and I hanging out, unpacking, waiting for the movers and happily waiting for daddy to get home. We explored Evergreen, the next town over for dinner one night and then the next day. We found a huge dog park that we walked around in, we found that taking a car ride had a whole new meaning. We found where we belong. And it felt so good.
But instead, I am going to spend a little time writing about all the cool things we discovered, all the adventures we had in the short time we had. Monday we got into to Conifer when it was dark, I don't even think it was all that late, but I knew it was dark, and a million stars were out to greet us. We met with the owner of the house and he was so nice to show us the ropes while Liam happily crawled around the huge open space. Then we fell asleep, me on a yoga mat, Sean on the cushions of a couch and Liam cuddled with me. And sleeping wasn't all that great, but it was something, it wasn't a hotel, and it was home.
And Tuesday we spent the morning doing a little shopping and then getting ready to head to my interview. Fingers still crossed that the job all works out. Sean and Liam did some shopping, we found some sushi dinner and headed back to our house. We were able to dig out the futon pad to sleep on that and we did find some blankets (rather than coats of the night before), so again, we fell asleep on the floor in front of the gas fire place. We got up on Wednesday and Sean started his job. Liam and I spent the day doing a little unpacking, taking a walk and just hanging out starting to feel at home, waiting for Sean to get home and hear about his day.
The rest of the week went about the same, Liam and I hanging out, unpacking, waiting for the movers and happily waiting for daddy to get home. We explored Evergreen, the next town over for dinner one night and then the next day. We found a huge dog park that we walked around in, we found that taking a car ride had a whole new meaning. We found where we belong. And it felt so good.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
It's been a good day
It's been a good day. It's been a busy day, but it's been a good day. I finally feel I am having feelings about moving. It hasn't seemed real since it all started. But now, tonight, as I sit here with most of our life in boxes, realizing how much more life we have left to pack, drinking my glass of wine, I am feeling it all. I am nervous, that the movers will come and we won't be ready, that we will forget something, that our lives may never be the same. Then I realize that it's all good, we have a few extra days after the movers to make sure we have everything, that I can come back if we do forget something and that yes, our lives will never be the same. And I'm all right with that.
I feel that is something that I signed up for, in a way, when I met Sean. See, he doesn't like to be in one place too long. I never was like that, I was content where I was, I was happy, enough. And then, I met Sean and realized how much more potential in life there was for fun and moving forward. And I got his itch, I wanted more, we wanted more. And now we are getting it, we are going to make our dream come true...and I am so excited about that. So excited. So, that's nervous - and excited. And nostalgic...I mean, we lived her for 4 years. I remember the first night in our house, in front of the fire place in our sleeping bags, we just wanted to be here so bad, we didn't want to wait to move it. We laid there and the world was our canvas, I had no idea, that 4 years ago, I would be where I am with Sean now. So, yes, I'll be sad, as I said before to leave this house, our home. I will hope that someday this house will provide that magic and excitement to someone, like Sean and I had.
So, will I cry at some point tomorrow, yes, for sure I will. After all, my life is in boxes right now and I'm waiting to drive across the country with my family to live our dream. Of course I am going to cry, I'm also a HUGE sap. And I will probably dry my tears and then cry a little bit again. And I'll know that won't be the last time I will cry over the next couple of weeks, but I will also know how much I have to look forward to.
It's been a good day. I feel like I want to elaborate more on that, but to be honest, at the end of the day, I realize it's been a good, maybe even great day.
There is so much more that will come in the days ahead, the weeks, month ahead...but for now, I am going to just relax and realize it has been a good day. And I really should get back to packing. But as long as I keep typing, I can put it off, and maybe make some great, deep down discovery about something. or maybe it will just mean that I will be up all night putting my life away in boxes. But whatever the case may be, I am excited to be feeling so scared, nervous, excited and thrilled all at the same time. It's like the perfect storm in some sense, it's a little bit of everything, like a kid waiting to try something totally new...that's me right now. And I can run and hide from it, or I can embrace it, I can go with the fact that at some point, very soon, I will be a Colorado resident. And that makes me smile...so, see, it's been a good day!
I feel that is something that I signed up for, in a way, when I met Sean. See, he doesn't like to be in one place too long. I never was like that, I was content where I was, I was happy, enough. And then, I met Sean and realized how much more potential in life there was for fun and moving forward. And I got his itch, I wanted more, we wanted more. And now we are getting it, we are going to make our dream come true...and I am so excited about that. So excited. So, that's nervous - and excited. And nostalgic...I mean, we lived her for 4 years. I remember the first night in our house, in front of the fire place in our sleeping bags, we just wanted to be here so bad, we didn't want to wait to move it. We laid there and the world was our canvas, I had no idea, that 4 years ago, I would be where I am with Sean now. So, yes, I'll be sad, as I said before to leave this house, our home. I will hope that someday this house will provide that magic and excitement to someone, like Sean and I had.
So, will I cry at some point tomorrow, yes, for sure I will. After all, my life is in boxes right now and I'm waiting to drive across the country with my family to live our dream. Of course I am going to cry, I'm also a HUGE sap. And I will probably dry my tears and then cry a little bit again. And I'll know that won't be the last time I will cry over the next couple of weeks, but I will also know how much I have to look forward to.
It's been a good day. I feel like I want to elaborate more on that, but to be honest, at the end of the day, I realize it's been a good, maybe even great day.
There is so much more that will come in the days ahead, the weeks, month ahead...but for now, I am going to just relax and realize it has been a good day. And I really should get back to packing. But as long as I keep typing, I can put it off, and maybe make some great, deep down discovery about something. or maybe it will just mean that I will be up all night putting my life away in boxes. But whatever the case may be, I am excited to be feeling so scared, nervous, excited and thrilled all at the same time. It's like the perfect storm in some sense, it's a little bit of everything, like a kid waiting to try something totally new...that's me right now. And I can run and hide from it, or I can embrace it, I can go with the fact that at some point, very soon, I will be a Colorado resident. And that makes me smile...so, see, it's been a good day!
8 AM
Tomorrow, at 8 AM, the movers are coming. They are coming to take as much stuff as possible which means we need to be pretty much packed up. Tonight will be the last night we will spend in our house before we move. Tonight will be the last time we will have people over to our house, the last time we will have a beer in our place, our home.
It's so hard to part with "home." I love our house, I will miss our house. I love our home even more. We both worked so hard to make the house become the home that we both treasure and care about so much. It was sad this morning when I realized it would be our last shower in the bathroom that we created, the one that caused some arguments and tears. It was the last time we would steal Liam into the shower to get some extra steam for his cough. We put a lot of work into our house, the bathroom, the kitchen, painting, decorating and it was finally feeling like ours. And that's all right, I can say good-bye to it. I can move on and look forward to doing this all to a new place. But we don't get to do that for a while - we will be renting. I don't miss renting, I don't miss worrying about holes in the walls or things like that. I wish we were buying a place, but soon enough. We will find something to make our own.
In the meantime, next Monday we will show up at a house and I will spend a week making it as home as possible for Sean to be there, for a month, without us. It made me so sad yesterday, to think about being away from him. I'll admit that I broke down, cried in his arms at the thought of not being with him. And then, good old Sean, put things into perspective for me. He reminded me about all the time we get to spend together in the next few weeks, then he explained that it was all math - in the end, it would only be a little longer than I usually am without him, factoring in the time we will spend together. And sure, logic helps, but it doesn't make it any easier.
So, tonight we will laugh and I'll probably cry, we might light our last fire in our place, we will fall asleep, at some point, hopefully for the last time in our home. And I'll wake up, knowing that my home goes with me, as long as my boys go as well!
It's so hard to part with "home." I love our house, I will miss our house. I love our home even more. We both worked so hard to make the house become the home that we both treasure and care about so much. It was sad this morning when I realized it would be our last shower in the bathroom that we created, the one that caused some arguments and tears. It was the last time we would steal Liam into the shower to get some extra steam for his cough. We put a lot of work into our house, the bathroom, the kitchen, painting, decorating and it was finally feeling like ours. And that's all right, I can say good-bye to it. I can move on and look forward to doing this all to a new place. But we don't get to do that for a while - we will be renting. I don't miss renting, I don't miss worrying about holes in the walls or things like that. I wish we were buying a place, but soon enough. We will find something to make our own.
In the meantime, next Monday we will show up at a house and I will spend a week making it as home as possible for Sean to be there, for a month, without us. It made me so sad yesterday, to think about being away from him. I'll admit that I broke down, cried in his arms at the thought of not being with him. And then, good old Sean, put things into perspective for me. He reminded me about all the time we get to spend together in the next few weeks, then he explained that it was all math - in the end, it would only be a little longer than I usually am without him, factoring in the time we will spend together. And sure, logic helps, but it doesn't make it any easier.
So, tonight we will laugh and I'll probably cry, we might light our last fire in our place, we will fall asleep, at some point, hopefully for the last time in our home. And I'll wake up, knowing that my home goes with me, as long as my boys go as well!
Monday, November 4, 2013
Crunch time
Yes, we are getting down to the wire here. Crunch time, or pack time, or just time to get our stuff out of our house and into the moving truck. It's kind of crazy that the moving truck is coming Wednesday. Starting on Wednesday, I will be living out of a suitcase for a month or longer. And then just a few days later, we will be moving the rest of our things out to Colorado. It's odd, I still don't feel like it is real. I don't know when that will happen, when it will feel real. Maybe when I get there? Maybe today when I pack up all my clothes? Maybe the day I leave Sean to come home? Maybe when I finally get out there at the end of the year? Or maybe it just won't feel real ever. I mean, after all, it is a dream come true, so perhaps it will just always feel like a dream. Or perhaps some day it will feel real. Soon, when I am getting ALL of our things into boxes and a truck, it will hit me.
My life is about to change, in a pretty huge way. The next month I will be spending away from my husband, my best friend, Liam's daddy. And I don't know how well I will do. I mean, I'll make it, I'm tough, when I want to be. But it will be hard, it will be hard to know that every time Liam wakes up, or needs something, it will fall on me. It will be hard to not have my person right next to me every night, it will be hard to not see his smiling face and hear his laugh. I know I will still talk to him, and see him, through the computer, but there is no way that can make up for him being with me. Guess I'm feeling a little bit bummed about this part of the trip. I am excited for the next couple of weeks and know I need to focus on that. I am dragging today, though, and I think it is because I am realizing how hard it will be to be away from Sean.
All right, but for now, that's enough. Time to move on, dinner tonight with the Foege's. My goal for tonight is packing up me and Liam. And my goal is get to some sleep and make sure that little Liam and I are healthy for our trip next week.
My life is about to change, in a pretty huge way. The next month I will be spending away from my husband, my best friend, Liam's daddy. And I don't know how well I will do. I mean, I'll make it, I'm tough, when I want to be. But it will be hard, it will be hard to know that every time Liam wakes up, or needs something, it will fall on me. It will be hard to not have my person right next to me every night, it will be hard to not see his smiling face and hear his laugh. I know I will still talk to him, and see him, through the computer, but there is no way that can make up for him being with me. Guess I'm feeling a little bit bummed about this part of the trip. I am excited for the next couple of weeks and know I need to focus on that. I am dragging today, though, and I think it is because I am realizing how hard it will be to be away from Sean.
All right, but for now, that's enough. Time to move on, dinner tonight with the Foege's. My goal for tonight is packing up me and Liam. And my goal is get to some sleep and make sure that little Liam and I are healthy for our trip next week.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Be with someone who...
I'm not one to give relationship advice, I know each situation is different, I don't want anyone to ever think I know better than them when it comes to relationships, I have had my share of good ones, ha...sense a little sarcasm there. But I think, last night, sitting here on the couch, looking into Sean's eyes, I think I realized a few things that I wish for everyone that I care about. And here is my list - I'm sure there are more, but this is all I can rattle off right now.
Be with someone...
...who looks at you, deep in your eyes and tells you he wants to make your dreams come true (last night, when I said to Sean that I can't believe we are moving to Colorado, he looked at me and just told me he wanted to make my dreams come true - how can I be so lucky to have a wonderful husband and family, and someone that wants to make MORE of my dreams come true).
...who looks at you, past all your flaws and when you are upset, they challenge you to stand up for what you really believe in and become even stronger (Sean has stood by me through some tough times while nursing Liam and while he asked a few times if I still thought it was best, he saw the passion I had when I talked about it and he has backed me up every since - even going to bat for me recently).
....who can make you laugh, no matter what, and especially at yourself. (so many times I get caught up in the stupid little things...and then I watch Sean with Liam and I watch them laugh and goof around, and the past few nights, I have laid in bed with Liam, and watched him crawl around and giggle...and he finally fell asleep, but many nights before, I was mad at Liam for not sleeping, giggles are much better than crying!).
....who does the little things, that aren't even things. (I used to always think I wanted flowers and notes and all that junk - and to embarrass Sean a bit, he does those things, I love the days I find little notes telling me how amazing he thinks I am, but these days I realize more and more that there are other things that are more important. He has joined a few groups in Conifer to get us to meet people, he sent me a few links for churches, he does anything and everything that I don't even think about).
....who you can spend every minute, of every day with and not get sick of each other. (Granted I don't see Sean a lot, due to our work schedule, but the times we spend together, are so important and dear to me, especially since in a few weeks, we will be spending a month apart, but honestly, even on the days we are together, there is never enough time. I want to spend every minute I can with him, laughing, talking, just being)
All right, well, I will stop for now, maybe too embarrassing and too revealing, but I think it took me a long time to find my right guy - and the wait was well worth it, Sean has given me everything I could have ever imagined and I can't wait to see what our future in Colorado holds, for him, for me, for Liam, for all of us!
Be with someone...
...who looks at you, deep in your eyes and tells you he wants to make your dreams come true (last night, when I said to Sean that I can't believe we are moving to Colorado, he looked at me and just told me he wanted to make my dreams come true - how can I be so lucky to have a wonderful husband and family, and someone that wants to make MORE of my dreams come true).
...who looks at you, past all your flaws and when you are upset, they challenge you to stand up for what you really believe in and become even stronger (Sean has stood by me through some tough times while nursing Liam and while he asked a few times if I still thought it was best, he saw the passion I had when I talked about it and he has backed me up every since - even going to bat for me recently).
....who can make you laugh, no matter what, and especially at yourself. (so many times I get caught up in the stupid little things...and then I watch Sean with Liam and I watch them laugh and goof around, and the past few nights, I have laid in bed with Liam, and watched him crawl around and giggle...and he finally fell asleep, but many nights before, I was mad at Liam for not sleeping, giggles are much better than crying!).
....who does the little things, that aren't even things. (I used to always think I wanted flowers and notes and all that junk - and to embarrass Sean a bit, he does those things, I love the days I find little notes telling me how amazing he thinks I am, but these days I realize more and more that there are other things that are more important. He has joined a few groups in Conifer to get us to meet people, he sent me a few links for churches, he does anything and everything that I don't even think about).
....who you can spend every minute, of every day with and not get sick of each other. (Granted I don't see Sean a lot, due to our work schedule, but the times we spend together, are so important and dear to me, especially since in a few weeks, we will be spending a month apart, but honestly, even on the days we are together, there is never enough time. I want to spend every minute I can with him, laughing, talking, just being)
All right, well, I will stop for now, maybe too embarrassing and too revealing, but I think it took me a long time to find my right guy - and the wait was well worth it, Sean has given me everything I could have ever imagined and I can't wait to see what our future in Colorado holds, for him, for me, for Liam, for all of us!
So behind and busy...
...yeah, I don't know how much I feel behind in the whole packing thing, but in the blogging world, I have fallen FAR behind! I don't even know where the time went. It has been a busy few weeks, I have been terribly ill, and after a few doctor's appointments and a few phone calls about what I can and can't take while nursing, I am on the road to recover. I feel a million times better and am ready to get back into the frame of mind of packing. Ha, and so now I am sitting here typing this, when I should be packing. Oh well...this is important - I haven't written in a while and I need to get a few things out.
To be terribly honest, I feel great about everything. Our plane tickets are purchased and a plan is in place! Sean, Liam and I will leave on Sunday, the 10th after Erik and Bethany's super awesome wedding. We will drive for a while, stop and spend the night somewhere and then drive some more until we see our place. I can't call it our home, for now, we are just going to be renting, for 6 months and go from there. Part of me hopes it is perfect, I wouldn't want to move again and the place looks great, looks like so many possibilities for remodeling...whoa, getting a bit ahead of myself. So, we will see our place, get there, meet the couple we are renting from, see the place and see the town. And Liam and I will spend the week with Sean, unpack (hopefully I am more motivated to do that than the packing thing!) and hang out. We will go home on Sunday and then we will miss Sean like crazy. Liam and I will hopefully have a successful flight home and then a few busy weeks of work before I start to wrap things up.
Sean will be coming back on December 19, which means Liam gets the best present ever, to see Daddy after one long month! And we will be here for the holidays and drive back out - and then we are moving to Colorado. It still doesn't seem real. But it is...and I can't say I am as nervous about it as I was...sure, there are a million things to figure out, but we will make it all work.
To be terribly honest, I feel great about everything. Our plane tickets are purchased and a plan is in place! Sean, Liam and I will leave on Sunday, the 10th after Erik and Bethany's super awesome wedding. We will drive for a while, stop and spend the night somewhere and then drive some more until we see our place. I can't call it our home, for now, we are just going to be renting, for 6 months and go from there. Part of me hopes it is perfect, I wouldn't want to move again and the place looks great, looks like so many possibilities for remodeling...whoa, getting a bit ahead of myself. So, we will see our place, get there, meet the couple we are renting from, see the place and see the town. And Liam and I will spend the week with Sean, unpack (hopefully I am more motivated to do that than the packing thing!) and hang out. We will go home on Sunday and then we will miss Sean like crazy. Liam and I will hopefully have a successful flight home and then a few busy weeks of work before I start to wrap things up.
Sean will be coming back on December 19, which means Liam gets the best present ever, to see Daddy after one long month! And we will be here for the holidays and drive back out - and then we are moving to Colorado. It still doesn't seem real. But it is...and I can't say I am as nervous about it as I was...sure, there are a million things to figure out, but we will make it all work.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
So excited!!
Yes, that's it, I am so excited, I am like a kid in the candy store, can't wait to get out to the mountains to see our place with Sean and Liam. The drive will be long and I hope Liam will do well on the trip, but well, I don't even want to think about that, I just want to get there with Sean, to see our place, to see unpack a bit and to get settled. It will be REALLY hard to leave again, but well, I will know what I have to look forward to. So, our place is rented, set, we have someone committed, we are not messing around any more, we are set. And we have a place to live, and we have movers and we just have to pack. So, now it is list time for me...a great big to do list, might steal a dry erase board for that one, and get the list made and pack and go with it. So, if you see me just giddy around, it's because I am so excited to take this next step!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Leave it to Sean!
Yep, that is my motto for this whole trip - I mean move. I guess part of it for me will be a trip, but the rest of it will be an actual move. We had our place rented out, but Sean had checked out all the options and discovered a company who will do some rent to own things. And found a couple that loves our place. Which means, over just the next few days, we will be "selling" our house. That is crazy, how fast that all happened, how we went from nothing to renters, to sold. And it just happened like magic - and that magic's name is Sean. He had done an incredible job taking care of all the big things we need taken care of. I am so impressed by his work to make our dream come true, I kind of feel like a slacker - I thought I was happy to have eliminated a Christmas crate. So, it's time for me to get my butt in gear, I think, time for me to start making my keep, or something like that. It's time to start packing up things I don't think we will need for the next 2 weeks and going from there. It's time to get the house in order, so we know what needs to be packed, what needs to be given away and what needs to be thrown away.
And it's time to plan a party...at least I am hoping we will have time to squeeze one it...more details to follow on this, but yes, we need a big party, and we need to make sure that everyone that comes will be able to take something of ours home with them -you know, as a reminder, ha! It's time to be excited to see our new place, to reinvent ourselves if we want to, to be in the moutains! Woo hoo! I am so excited!
And it's time to plan a party...at least I am hoping we will have time to squeeze one it...more details to follow on this, but yes, we need a big party, and we need to make sure that everyone that comes will be able to take something of ours home with them -you know, as a reminder, ha! It's time to be excited to see our new place, to reinvent ourselves if we want to, to be in the moutains! Woo hoo! I am so excited!
Monday, October 21, 2013
Getting there...
Yes, we are getting close. We are working on packing - it is hard to be motivated to do it. I always end up just standing around and finding something else to clean, or look at or something. I need to get better at that. The movers are coming on November 6. That's 2 weeks from tomorrow. Holy cow, I just realized that we are down to 2 weeks. And we have so much to do. Time to get back on track to one thing a night. A few nights ago, I got my holiday decorations in order...that was a good feeling. I just need to keep that momentum going. We were on track today and then we had company...which is great, I like having company, I like hanging out with people who are excited for us, and to hear about our move. It seems like we are going to run out of time for that, though. Well, I might not, but Sean will. So, I have to remember to share him, as much as I don't want to, as much as I want to spend all the time I have left with him, just with him, I have to remember to share. I hope I will remember that over the next couple of weeks. Wow, a couple of weeks. That is SO soon!
I am still waiting to figure out if I am going to join Sean and help him unpack, if I will drive out with him and Liam or if I will fly out and meet him there, or if I will stay here and hang out and miss him while he gets settled. There are pros and cons to both. I'm sure Liam and I will be a little less than helpful out there, but then again, it will be really nice to be out there, drive up to see our place together, take Liam to the house together, unpack, check out the town and maybe even sneak away to do a quick hike before Sean has to start work. But then again, it will probably be easier for me to stay home. I have a HUGE event the following week and it will be tough to be out of the office but it will be worth it, I think. I think I have to make sure I get a ride home from the airport and then I will book the ticket - and we are moving...in 2 weeks! I still can't really believe it, that we will be residents of Colorado in just 2 weeks - well, technically, I will still be here for a while, but since Sean will be in Colorado, that is where my heart will be! :)
I am still waiting to figure out if I am going to join Sean and help him unpack, if I will drive out with him and Liam or if I will fly out and meet him there, or if I will stay here and hang out and miss him while he gets settled. There are pros and cons to both. I'm sure Liam and I will be a little less than helpful out there, but then again, it will be really nice to be out there, drive up to see our place together, take Liam to the house together, unpack, check out the town and maybe even sneak away to do a quick hike before Sean has to start work. But then again, it will probably be easier for me to stay home. I have a HUGE event the following week and it will be tough to be out of the office but it will be worth it, I think. I think I have to make sure I get a ride home from the airport and then I will book the ticket - and we are moving...in 2 weeks! I still can't really believe it, that we will be residents of Colorado in just 2 weeks - well, technically, I will still be here for a while, but since Sean will be in Colorado, that is where my heart will be! :)
Thursday, October 17, 2013
3 and 1/2 weeks
That is how much longer Sean will be here with Liam, Burton and I. 3 and 1/2 weeks to soak up every single minute I can of my best friend because I will be away from him for about a month, maybe even longer. I am sure once get the whole plan figured out, I will be counting down the days. I think the longest we have been away from each other since we met has been 10 days. But this will be 3 times longer than that. Oh well, I have to remember that it will all be worth it. It is kind of a needed step in this process to make sure we can pay the first few months of bills. Plus, Sean will be working tons the first month, so I would barely see him anyways. But not seeing him at all...I don't want to dwell on it now, like I said, just focusing on the times we have together.
It has been decided, I will spend the time I am here at my parents. I had a talk with Liam and told him he needed to start sleeping better because Dot and Papa don't want to be awake all night long like mommy and daddy. So, just a few more plans to work out and then we are set. I was lazy last night and didn't get to any packing, but thinking I will work on that a bit tonight and already have help coming over on Friday night. We will get there. We will get packed. Wow, we are moving, it is starting to sink in more and more and I wanted to spend some time thinking about all the things I am excited about.
I am excited to see Sean, I haven't even had to say good bye to him yet, but I am excited to be reunited with him and have Liam see him again. I know we will skype or whatever will be easiest, but it still will be hard to be away from him...no good night kisses, no good morning cuddles, but we will make it. I will have Liam and my parents around, I am more worried about him. The good thing is that he will be busy, either unpacking or working, and he isn't like me, he won't sit around and think and think until he is upset by how much he misses his little guy. He will keep himself busy.
I am excited to see our place, the pictures look nice, at least nice enough for us to be there for a few months to figure out if it is the place for us. I am excited to sit on our deck and look at the views, I am excited to lay outside and see the millions of stars. I am excited to take a short drive to get to an amazing hike. I am excited to explore the town we are going to be living in. I am excited to be on our own. While it will be hard and scary to be away from friends and family, it's a chance for us to be whatever we want to be. It's a chance to not be judged for the way we want to raise Liam, or the way we want to live our lives. It's an open book. It's the next chapter of our lives!
And most people would argue that the first chapters were pretty great, why change things now. And I agree, I am concerned that we shouldn't have changed what was working, that we could have stayed here and been fine, but I also think that life is about living. This is something I learned from Sean...to always strive for more. Which is a good thing and a bad thing. We could have lived a perfectly happy life here, but I think we both would have felt like something was missing. And this is what is missing. All of my dreams are coming true, I have my wonderful husband who is my best friend, I have a wonderful little monster and now we are going west. It is scary and thrilling to "live" life and not just go through the motions...so, if the next few weeks are hard, I can make it, I can keep myself busy enough to not miss Sean every moment of my time here...I just need to remind myself of that in 3 and 1/2 weeks when we part our ways!
It has been decided, I will spend the time I am here at my parents. I had a talk with Liam and told him he needed to start sleeping better because Dot and Papa don't want to be awake all night long like mommy and daddy. So, just a few more plans to work out and then we are set. I was lazy last night and didn't get to any packing, but thinking I will work on that a bit tonight and already have help coming over on Friday night. We will get there. We will get packed. Wow, we are moving, it is starting to sink in more and more and I wanted to spend some time thinking about all the things I am excited about.
I am excited to see Sean, I haven't even had to say good bye to him yet, but I am excited to be reunited with him and have Liam see him again. I know we will skype or whatever will be easiest, but it still will be hard to be away from him...no good night kisses, no good morning cuddles, but we will make it. I will have Liam and my parents around, I am more worried about him. The good thing is that he will be busy, either unpacking or working, and he isn't like me, he won't sit around and think and think until he is upset by how much he misses his little guy. He will keep himself busy.
I am excited to see our place, the pictures look nice, at least nice enough for us to be there for a few months to figure out if it is the place for us. I am excited to sit on our deck and look at the views, I am excited to lay outside and see the millions of stars. I am excited to take a short drive to get to an amazing hike. I am excited to explore the town we are going to be living in. I am excited to be on our own. While it will be hard and scary to be away from friends and family, it's a chance for us to be whatever we want to be. It's a chance to not be judged for the way we want to raise Liam, or the way we want to live our lives. It's an open book. It's the next chapter of our lives!
And most people would argue that the first chapters were pretty great, why change things now. And I agree, I am concerned that we shouldn't have changed what was working, that we could have stayed here and been fine, but I also think that life is about living. This is something I learned from Sean...to always strive for more. Which is a good thing and a bad thing. We could have lived a perfectly happy life here, but I think we both would have felt like something was missing. And this is what is missing. All of my dreams are coming true, I have my wonderful husband who is my best friend, I have a wonderful little monster and now we are going west. It is scary and thrilling to "live" life and not just go through the motions...so, if the next few weeks are hard, I can make it, I can keep myself busy enough to not miss Sean every moment of my time here...I just need to remind myself of that in 3 and 1/2 weeks when we part our ways!
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Packing has begun
I got home today to find my house in a bit of a mess, a small, somewhat organized mess, pretty much assuming it will be in that state for the next few weeks. But that means packing has begun, Sean starting getting a few things in crates and boxes. Things are getting packed up, pictures are off the walls and it still seems a bit not real to me. I wonder when it will feel real...when all of our things are packed up in our trailer, when Sean is in Colorado and I am still here, when I am living out of a suitcase for now with Liam and Burton. Or maybe it won't be real until I actually move out there and leave my job.
See, while I would love to join Sean in less than a month in Colorado, it is just in our best interest to not do that. I wouldn't have a job, our insurance (with Sean) wouldn't kick in for 30 days after he starts his job. And well, had we sold our house, we could probably get by for a few months without me having a job, but that didn't happen. So, I will stay here, keep working and keeping our insurance. I will keep my salary and we will keep some money in our savings, but boy, it is going to be hard, hard to be away from Sean, as my husband and best friend and especially as Liam's daddy. And I am sure it will be hard for him to be away. I'm sure there will be plenty more blogs on that as we get closer to that and while it is happening. But for now, I am going to enjoy the nights I have with Sean, whether it be packing, lounging around, cleaning or spending the night making baby food - Liam is stocked up, huge back of carrots, giant container of spinach, 5 avocados and 4 sweet potatoes - hoping that will keep him full for a while! But again, the hard times will be worth it!
And yes, I still wonder if we are doing the right thing. But it is happening, we made an educated decision and followed our hearts. I am hoping that we will find our inner strength to stand on our own and create a life that we both dream of.
See, while I would love to join Sean in less than a month in Colorado, it is just in our best interest to not do that. I wouldn't have a job, our insurance (with Sean) wouldn't kick in for 30 days after he starts his job. And well, had we sold our house, we could probably get by for a few months without me having a job, but that didn't happen. So, I will stay here, keep working and keeping our insurance. I will keep my salary and we will keep some money in our savings, but boy, it is going to be hard, hard to be away from Sean, as my husband and best friend and especially as Liam's daddy. And I am sure it will be hard for him to be away. I'm sure there will be plenty more blogs on that as we get closer to that and while it is happening. But for now, I am going to enjoy the nights I have with Sean, whether it be packing, lounging around, cleaning or spending the night making baby food - Liam is stocked up, huge back of carrots, giant container of spinach, 5 avocados and 4 sweet potatoes - hoping that will keep him full for a while! But again, the hard times will be worth it!
And yes, I still wonder if we are doing the right thing. But it is happening, we made an educated decision and followed our hearts. I am hoping that we will find our inner strength to stand on our own and create a life that we both dream of.
Minor freakout
Yes, I will admit that I had my first minor freak out yesterday. I took the day off to spend with Sean and Liam. We were going to go to the zoo, but instead spent the day running some errands and taking care of more things around the house, which was much needed. I don't think there are going to be enough days left to do all the things we want to do, but so be it. I had a moment where I had to reel Sean back in - tell him that maybe we need to slow things down and make sure this place we found is really right for us. Maybe it is too far into the mountains for us right now, with our jobs...maybe it will be too expensive, maybe we should look at something smaller and closer for now. I guess when I was talking about it, I had my tone. I think I was just being serious, but I will take Sean's word for it. And it was upsetting to him.
Now, we hadn't really talked about this place, we texted about it, he moved forward on it without me seeing it due to me being out of town. And I trusted and still do trust that he made the right decision, I just wanted to talk about it. A large chuck of our savings is going to go towards a deposit and first and last month rent. It all makes sense, that they want that much, and when I think about it, we are only really down the money of the pet deposit when it is all said and done, but it just freaked me out a bit to shell so much of our savings out. But it's done at this point - well, actually, we are hoping that the references she called convinced her to rent to us and then it will be done. I do really want this place, I liked it a lot, especially for not having seen it. And I feel better about the money situation after Sean and I talked about it. So, see, just a minor freak out - there was no yelling, or no crying - I feel at peace with our move and every now and then wonder if we are doing the right thing. Then, I see Liam - I watch him explore and learn so many things from his surroundings. I want him to have more chances to explore and learn more about nature, to feel at home in it like Sean and I do - and have the chance to do it each day. I know people still think we are crazy, I think it sometimes as well, but in the end, it is what my heart is telling me to do.
Now, we hadn't really talked about this place, we texted about it, he moved forward on it without me seeing it due to me being out of town. And I trusted and still do trust that he made the right decision, I just wanted to talk about it. A large chuck of our savings is going to go towards a deposit and first and last month rent. It all makes sense, that they want that much, and when I think about it, we are only really down the money of the pet deposit when it is all said and done, but it just freaked me out a bit to shell so much of our savings out. But it's done at this point - well, actually, we are hoping that the references she called convinced her to rent to us and then it will be done. I do really want this place, I liked it a lot, especially for not having seen it. And I feel better about the money situation after Sean and I talked about it. So, see, just a minor freak out - there was no yelling, or no crying - I feel at peace with our move and every now and then wonder if we are doing the right thing. Then, I see Liam - I watch him explore and learn so many things from his surroundings. I want him to have more chances to explore and learn more about nature, to feel at home in it like Sean and I do - and have the chance to do it each day. I know people still think we are crazy, I think it sometimes as well, but in the end, it is what my heart is telling me to do.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
My job
I love my job. I really do. I had an amazing day today being a part of a selection committee for the National Games for Unified Soccer. I work with amazing people, the athletes and partners were amazing and I got to hang out on the field at Toyota Park. So, yeah, I love my job. So, it's funny I am leaving it. I am worried about who will take over, will they be as good with the coaches as I like to think I am. Will they enjoy the job as much as I do? Will they do all the extra things I tend to be a part of? Is it even my business? Nope, not at all - I am leaving and have no say in what happens after me. I also thought SOILL was my place to be, my place to make a difference, but I am starting to think there are other things for me. I do think that if I stayed here, I could be part of the future of this organization and that feels great. But maybe there is more out there...in this field, or in special Olympics. Maybe the Colorado job will work out, maybe this random PE teaching job will work out, who knows what will work out, but there is one thing I know and learned today. No matter what my job is, what state I am in, Special Olympics will always be a huge part of my life. If I don't get the job, I will volunteer, either as a coach or at an event....I will not lose this part of my life that means so much to me. I will not let this move take that away from me. I know the few things I am passionate about and I was reminded even more of that today. So, yes, I am leaving my job, but I am not leaving Special Olympics, it will always be a part of my life.
Phew, I started this blog feeling sad about my job, about having to leave the people I work with and what I do, and I have turned it around to a positive - I like that the task of that is getting easier and easier. I feel at peace with our decision, I'm not upset, I haven't cried much about it - at least lately (by the way, I am guessing that means a good freak out is coming, every time I think I feel good about things, a few days later, I have major issues - should make a great blog!) and I just feel all right with everything. Sean has done a great job renting out our place, finding us a new place - did I talk about that yet? The 3 decks and screened in porch? Anyways, yes, I feel at peace and I feel so ready to make this move, even knowing how hard it will be!
I told my grandma today - she didn't believe me for a while - then she said something to me that I remember my grandpa said to me a few years ago - Colorado is beautiful - it's God' country. Yep, that's where we are going and I know my grandpa, my special pal, will be watching over us! And I also know that Papa and Liam are going to be special pals, just like we were!
Phew, I started this blog feeling sad about my job, about having to leave the people I work with and what I do, and I have turned it around to a positive - I like that the task of that is getting easier and easier. I feel at peace with our decision, I'm not upset, I haven't cried much about it - at least lately (by the way, I am guessing that means a good freak out is coming, every time I think I feel good about things, a few days later, I have major issues - should make a great blog!) and I just feel all right with everything. Sean has done a great job renting out our place, finding us a new place - did I talk about that yet? The 3 decks and screened in porch? Anyways, yes, I feel at peace and I feel so ready to make this move, even knowing how hard it will be!
I told my grandma today - she didn't believe me for a while - then she said something to me that I remember my grandpa said to me a few years ago - Colorado is beautiful - it's God' country. Yep, that's where we are going and I know my grandpa, my special pal, will be watching over us! And I also know that Papa and Liam are going to be special pals, just like we were!
Thursday, October 10, 2013
A new home
Yes, we have a new home...well, we will shortly. We found a place to rent and Sean did such a good job convincing her to rent to us, she is! Without meeting us! Which also means we haven't seen the place in person either, but in Sean's world, it is perfect - a pretty big 2 car garage and plenty of space. I was a fan of the tiny "A" frame house for half the price, but not Sean, he dreams big! And well, just look where it got us up until now! So, we are sending in money to rent a place - forgot how much renting kind of stinks due to all the upfront costs you need to pay, seems almost like a down payment. And if we like it, they think maybe they would let some of that money go towards a down payment. That was my idea - every now and then I have a good one! So, here we go - our place is rented, and we have a place. Sean has done a great job of planning and figuring all these things out, it just all seemed to fall into place. And now, now we can make a plan! Woo hoo, a travel plan - how do we get our stuff there and all of that. I can't wait, I am excited for that part. It makes me feel great we have somewhere to live! And I am pretty sure she mentioned that you can see Pikes Peak from one of the decks - I can't wait already!
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Facebook knows!
Yes, Sean decided yesterday that it was time to tell facebook. He told his work, I told most of mine and well, I guess all that was left to do was tell facebook. I haven't put it on my page yet, I have a couple people I plan on calling tomorrow to tell and then after that - it will be officially on facebook! And while we have been keeping this little secret, we have made some great progress. We have rented our house to a couple that will be married in April - they seem really nice, liked our place a lot, liked the style - see Sean, I have some style! So, yes, step one - rent the place - done - they signed an 18 month lease, so that will take us to next spring, in case we want to sell and hopefully, maybe this couple will want to buy. So, check - our place is taken care of.
Then it comes time for us to find a place. We have looked and looked and it has been fun. So much more fun that looking for houses around here. There are places with amazing mountain views, decks around houses, and land - so much land! So, today, Sean found a place - a nice place, in an area we liked enough to live there for at least 6 months. And we are moving forward with it - trying to secure it with a deposit. Yes, we are moving forward and at what seems like lightening speed at this point. It is all very exciting.
But it still doesn't feel real. It didn't feel real telling people yesterday, getting hugs of excitement and sadness that I would be leaving my job. And I told everyone it was a hard decision to leave my job, I loved it, I will also love it, but the mountains are calling and we are going - and I can't wait. Now it is time to get back on track with simplifying our stuff - getting rid of things and figuring out the best way to move our things out there. We have a few options in mind, maybe movers, maybe getting a trailer ourselves and going from there, maybe a storage pod. But as we move forward the biggest thing, the house is taken care of. We are renting it out on November 15, in a way, I don't mind not selling it. I know that sounds silly, but this was our first house, so many firsts in here that it would be really hard to sell. It would be hard to say good bye to our house on top of everything else. And I know that sounds silly, I really do. We don't plan on coming back to live here, so it probably won't be ours, but this will at least be a slow process of me letting go...or something like that.
So, all in all, we are just rolling along, things seem to be falling into place, which already makes some things less stressful, which hopefully means less freak outs from Sean - er, I guess maybe I mean from me!
Then it comes time for us to find a place. We have looked and looked and it has been fun. So much more fun that looking for houses around here. There are places with amazing mountain views, decks around houses, and land - so much land! So, today, Sean found a place - a nice place, in an area we liked enough to live there for at least 6 months. And we are moving forward with it - trying to secure it with a deposit. Yes, we are moving forward and at what seems like lightening speed at this point. It is all very exciting.
But it still doesn't feel real. It didn't feel real telling people yesterday, getting hugs of excitement and sadness that I would be leaving my job. And I told everyone it was a hard decision to leave my job, I loved it, I will also love it, but the mountains are calling and we are going - and I can't wait. Now it is time to get back on track with simplifying our stuff - getting rid of things and figuring out the best way to move our things out there. We have a few options in mind, maybe movers, maybe getting a trailer ourselves and going from there, maybe a storage pod. But as we move forward the biggest thing, the house is taken care of. We are renting it out on November 15, in a way, I don't mind not selling it. I know that sounds silly, but this was our first house, so many firsts in here that it would be really hard to sell. It would be hard to say good bye to our house on top of everything else. And I know that sounds silly, I really do. We don't plan on coming back to live here, so it probably won't be ours, but this will at least be a slow process of me letting go...or something like that.
So, all in all, we are just rolling along, things seem to be falling into place, which already makes some things less stressful, which hopefully means less freak outs from Sean - er, I guess maybe I mean from me!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Antsy
I'm getting antsy. I want to tell people, I want to know what our plan is, at least tentatively and I am getting antsy. We have told some people, just close people, but I want it to be public information - you know, like facebook! Then it's for real. Maybe it still doesn't feel real to me because it's not on facebook. I was just thinking today about Liam's first birthday, about the fact that we might not be here for that. Or the fact that Sean might not be here for it. And that is hard, but we have to remember why we are doing it. We aren't doing it for the right now, the right now is hard. We are doing it for the years down the road when we want to take Liam to climb his first 14er (Sean would prefer that to be sooner than years down the road), or when we take a day trip to hike a bit of Maroon Bells, or a trip snowboarding, that is bigger than 2 hills. That's what we are doing this for.
Right now we are in a bit of a holding pattern. We have a few good options for the house - looking to rent, but we (maybe just me) are a bit leary of that - of trusting other people to take care of our house, of having a property a few states away. But there is still a small hope someone will buy it. And if they don't, at this point, we will at least be getting some money, so, it's something.
I guess I am just ready, ready to head out there and find a place to live, ready to pack our stuff up and most importantly, ready to tell people. It will be really hard telling people I work with, I have told a few and got tears as a result. My rule is no tears right now, I am going to be around for a while, there will be plenty of time for tears. But as I look at the calendar, here we go, about 6 weeks until Sean leaves, we best start getting a plan in place!
Right now we are in a bit of a holding pattern. We have a few good options for the house - looking to rent, but we (maybe just me) are a bit leary of that - of trusting other people to take care of our house, of having a property a few states away. But there is still a small hope someone will buy it. And if they don't, at this point, we will at least be getting some money, so, it's something.
I guess I am just ready, ready to head out there and find a place to live, ready to pack our stuff up and most importantly, ready to tell people. It will be really hard telling people I work with, I have told a few and got tears as a result. My rule is no tears right now, I am going to be around for a while, there will be plenty of time for tears. But as I look at the calendar, here we go, about 6 weeks until Sean leaves, we best start getting a plan in place!
Monday, September 30, 2013
Selling and packing
At this point, we still don't know details. All we know is that Sean will start on November 13. He also most likely found a place to crash for a few weeks while he is out there without me, if that is how things pan out. We have a few options and I think it's best for me if I lay them out in front of us.
Best case scenario - I get a call from SOCO over the next few weeks telling me they want to hire me and that we are flexible with a start date. I would stay in IL until the end of the year, just a month without Sean will be hard, but in the big picture, it will be so worth it. We would sell our house with a close date of November 1, but would negotiate and extra week to get things packed up. We would rent a giant pod for our things to get from here to Colorado. Our items would be stored in that pod until we get our place out there finalized. I would go with Sean out to CO at some point to look at some places and if it works out, even go out when he does to move into our place. Then I would come back here, work until the end of the year and hope that Sean can come back here for a few days around the holidays or Liam's birthday. That's at least part of a plan - it is so hard with so many unknowns at this point!
We also have lined up a few people that might be interested in renting. I would love to sell, but at least this is a decent enough option to not lose money on the house. Additionally, a few people that looked at it are thinking about the rent to own option, so we will see how that all pans out.
But for now, I think it is time to just keep selling and downsizing things. We have accumulated so many things over the past few years that it is time to really go through things and get rid of them. I also have to remember that there is going to be a lot of hard work over these next few weeks. I look at my calendar and November 13 is getting closer and closer. It seems like we have to stop putting things off and start making things happen. Sean needs to figure out his car situation, we need to get our garage empty of all that stuff, I need to go through many crates in the basement and we need to go through closets...see all the things we are going to move and all the things we are going to get rid of. I think we are at a good starting point, but I feel like we are going to need to accomplish at least something each day - and perhaps that will be my plan. To make a list of things I need/want to do and make it happen - oh yeah, and to get off my lazy butt and start working out - after all, I am going to be moving to Colorado - everyone is fit there - I want to be a part of that! Time to get some work done - and continue to figure things out with our packing and selling!
Best case scenario - I get a call from SOCO over the next few weeks telling me they want to hire me and that we are flexible with a start date. I would stay in IL until the end of the year, just a month without Sean will be hard, but in the big picture, it will be so worth it. We would sell our house with a close date of November 1, but would negotiate and extra week to get things packed up. We would rent a giant pod for our things to get from here to Colorado. Our items would be stored in that pod until we get our place out there finalized. I would go with Sean out to CO at some point to look at some places and if it works out, even go out when he does to move into our place. Then I would come back here, work until the end of the year and hope that Sean can come back here for a few days around the holidays or Liam's birthday. That's at least part of a plan - it is so hard with so many unknowns at this point!
We also have lined up a few people that might be interested in renting. I would love to sell, but at least this is a decent enough option to not lose money on the house. Additionally, a few people that looked at it are thinking about the rent to own option, so we will see how that all pans out.
But for now, I think it is time to just keep selling and downsizing things. We have accumulated so many things over the past few years that it is time to really go through things and get rid of them. I also have to remember that there is going to be a lot of hard work over these next few weeks. I look at my calendar and November 13 is getting closer and closer. It seems like we have to stop putting things off and start making things happen. Sean needs to figure out his car situation, we need to get our garage empty of all that stuff, I need to go through many crates in the basement and we need to go through closets...see all the things we are going to move and all the things we are going to get rid of. I think we are at a good starting point, but I feel like we are going to need to accomplish at least something each day - and perhaps that will be my plan. To make a list of things I need/want to do and make it happen - oh yeah, and to get off my lazy butt and start working out - after all, I am going to be moving to Colorado - everyone is fit there - I want to be a part of that! Time to get some work done - and continue to figure things out with our packing and selling!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Now what?
We have our decision made, so now what? Last night we had a very nice celebration dinner with my parents, it was great to chat about all kinds of things and hear all the questions and just enjoy the time together. But now, now it has to be action time. We don't have a lot of time left before Sean leaves and plenty to figure out. We are going to be getting rid of a few things, bigger items, hopefully this weekend. I feel like once we get some space to work with we can really start to tackle packing. Wow, we are packing up our lives to move them across the country. No longer does the thought of that scare me, it just excites me to see what it going to lie ahead of us. Sure, there are plenty of things to worry about, but there always will be plenty to worry about. I have been having dreams about Colorado the past few weeks and last night was so different - last night I dreamt that I got my dream job with SOCO. The moment was so clear in the moment of my dream that I woke up not sure if it has happened. I don't know who I was hugging when they told me the news, so I am pretty sure it was all a dream. But maybe just another dream to come true.
As the amount of days we have lessen, the amount of time spent sitting around will also lessen. Tonight I am guessing we will work to get things ready for Saturday, emptying out items we will be selling, perhaps moving them up to the garage and going from there. Someone is coming today to look at our house to rent, so at least we have that in our back pocket - it's not ideal, but it's us bringing in money for our house. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, we could somehow figure out how to keep a few things there at least.
I think right now my main goal is to stay as relaxed about everything as I can. I remind myself everyday that Liam can feed off my stress and I don't need a stressed out 9 month old. It hasn't been too hard to keep myself in a good place, but I know that will change. I just have to keep in mind the big picture of what we are doing and why we are doing it. And when I stop to do that, I smile...
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Decision made
Yes, we did it, we made a decision. I guess we made a decision a while ago, I was just pretending it wasn't final. I'm not sure why...maybe I'm a little worried that if I get too excited about our decision it will all crumble apart, maybe I fear that after I tell people, I will have to once again tell them it isn't true and we aren't going. But yesterday I told my parents and while it was hard, my mom was very understanding - told me she was pretty sure we were going to go all along. Ha, so much for keeping a secret from them, right? Never learn to keep secrets from your parents. So, yes, we made our decision, we are moving to Colorado! Woo hoo, I want to be in the excited stage - I don't want to be worried or scared anymore - time for excited. We have set out our lists, now it's time to make a plan and go from there! Time for a plan - I' excited, the ball is rolling, so follow along for tears, laughs and I'm sure plenty of blunders! All because we are choosing the path less traveled and we are hoping it will make all the difference!
Monday, September 23, 2013
Mixed signs
I spent my morning at a funeral - a very sad funeral. I get it, most funerals are sad, no one ever enjoys them and well, at the end of the day, there is most likely lots and lots of crying. Today was no exception. I was reminded of quite a few things today and then presented with an interesting decision. A Special Olympics athlete passed away very unexpectedly. I knew him, but worked closer with him mom. It was so hard to go and hug her and tell her anything that would comfort her. It was a reminder to go home and appreciate each minute I have with my family. What else did I get out of the service? Friends and family are so important to life, so keep them close to you. I also was realizing how short life can be and how you just have to go for what you want.
So, where does that leave me? Does that leave us selling our house and packing up to move to Colorado - going for what we want? Or does that leave us staying here, comfortable in our lives and close to our family? If I listen the message I received today, I am then still torn. Do we take a chance and go for it? Do we jump into the unknown, feel scared about our decision and make it happen? Or do we know where we will end up in 10 years? I mean, let's be honest, if we stay here, we know what will happen to us. We know what our future holds. And it isn't bad, the life we have isn't bad, the 10 years down the road won't be bad.
But maybe it's time to change our course. Maybe it's time to not be sure where we will be in 10 years, except for together. I heard that song today - home is wherever I'm with you...so, in the end, it doesn't matter where Sean and I end up, as long as we are together, with Liam, of course.
And now for details as to where we are. Yesterday we had someone come and look at our house. She seemed to like it, needed to chat with her roommate and hope we will hear back from them. We also met with a realtor who gave us some suggestions and ideas - and gave us more of an idea of what we are thinking we can sell the house for. It was a bit depressing as we hoped we could make a wee bit of money on the house, but at this point, we are hoping to just break even. Another reason I am hoping these first people buy the house, we might make a little bit of money on it. We like to think it is the perfect house for the perfect person, just like it was for us. I mean, we bought it after it was on the market for a week. So, we will see - fingers crossed, but I also know the likelihood of the first people seeing our house will take it. But I can send good thoughts into the universe, right?
So, for now, we are downsizing, selling things, getting rid of things and moving lots of things out of the house to make it look more appealing to buyers. Wow, someone is going to buy our house. Maybe - or at least hopefully. And we are going to move. And far. I feel like I want to get passed all the logical thinking we are doing and be excited about this all. But a part of me keeps thinking and wondering if we are making the right step for us. I certainly don't feel like it's the wrong thing to do, but how come I have so many questions. I like to think it is because we are being smart, we are covering all of our basis. But in some ways it just doesn't feel real to me. It still feels like we are deciding and yes, we can change our minds at any time, but I don't really think that is the case. I think we are doing it, I think we are going to move. Which means I should get up and start doing something, but it was an exhausting day, it's time for me to finish up here and go cuddle my little guy and remember how lucky I am to have the amazing family I have, no matter where we are.
So, where does that leave me? Does that leave us selling our house and packing up to move to Colorado - going for what we want? Or does that leave us staying here, comfortable in our lives and close to our family? If I listen the message I received today, I am then still torn. Do we take a chance and go for it? Do we jump into the unknown, feel scared about our decision and make it happen? Or do we know where we will end up in 10 years? I mean, let's be honest, if we stay here, we know what will happen to us. We know what our future holds. And it isn't bad, the life we have isn't bad, the 10 years down the road won't be bad.
But maybe it's time to change our course. Maybe it's time to not be sure where we will be in 10 years, except for together. I heard that song today - home is wherever I'm with you...so, in the end, it doesn't matter where Sean and I end up, as long as we are together, with Liam, of course.
And now for details as to where we are. Yesterday we had someone come and look at our house. She seemed to like it, needed to chat with her roommate and hope we will hear back from them. We also met with a realtor who gave us some suggestions and ideas - and gave us more of an idea of what we are thinking we can sell the house for. It was a bit depressing as we hoped we could make a wee bit of money on the house, but at this point, we are hoping to just break even. Another reason I am hoping these first people buy the house, we might make a little bit of money on it. We like to think it is the perfect house for the perfect person, just like it was for us. I mean, we bought it after it was on the market for a week. So, we will see - fingers crossed, but I also know the likelihood of the first people seeing our house will take it. But I can send good thoughts into the universe, right?
So, for now, we are downsizing, selling things, getting rid of things and moving lots of things out of the house to make it look more appealing to buyers. Wow, someone is going to buy our house. Maybe - or at least hopefully. And we are going to move. And far. I feel like I want to get passed all the logical thinking we are doing and be excited about this all. But a part of me keeps thinking and wondering if we are making the right step for us. I certainly don't feel like it's the wrong thing to do, but how come I have so many questions. I like to think it is because we are being smart, we are covering all of our basis. But in some ways it just doesn't feel real to me. It still feels like we are deciding and yes, we can change our minds at any time, but I don't really think that is the case. I think we are doing it, I think we are going to move. Which means I should get up and start doing something, but it was an exhausting day, it's time for me to finish up here and go cuddle my little guy and remember how lucky I am to have the amazing family I have, no matter where we are.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Start date
Yes, we have an official start date for Sean. November 13. Which is coming up, but still enough time to figure things out - or at least I think so. We have another list - a list of things to do around the house and it looks like we will be busy this weekend in hopes of getting the house presentable for a realtor, who is coming on Sunday and then our house will be for sale. Huh, that makes all of this pretty final and set...for now at least. We are going to sell our house. The thought of this makes me a bit sad. We worked hard on our house and I think it has turned out quite nice! We had more projects planned, but I guess at this point, we can let those go and find a new house to tackle. It will be sad to sell the house, it was our first house, the first place we actually lived together on our own, where we got Burton and of course, where we brought Liam home to. I remember the first night we spent on the floor in the living in our sleeping bags - in front of the fire place (in my mind we started a fire, but I might be making that up!). At that point, we were excited about our future and the possibilities in front of us. And to be honest, I was never sure our dream to move to Colorado was going to happen.
But that is one, of the many, amazing things about Sean. He has a dream or an idea and he does whatever he can to make it happen. He doesn't like to be in the same place for too long - which in a way, had me scared at some points, what if the life he had with me was in "the same place" for too long and he would want to change that, and find a new life. He doesn't like when I say that out loud, so I am sure he will be even more mad that I typed it...but no longer do I feel that. I know that no matter where Sean and I end up, we will be happy together, forever.
This is a HUGE task we are taking on, and it will be TONS of work, we both know that. I actually feel like yesterday and today will be my last few relaxing days or quite some time. But we also know that when Sean and I work together on something, we can do some amazing work. I think that is easily seen in our biggest accomplishment to date - the kitchen remodel! I mean, we just killed that project! Oh wait, I guess we have something a bit bigger than that that we worked on together - our little Liam (who, in our eyes is no longer little). What an amazing little man we have on our hands - he has so much personality already that I am in trouble! But what is life without a little trouble from the boys in my life! So, off we go, relaxing and hanging out tonight, and start working tomorrow, time to get everything in action and make this move!
Oh yeah, and details about me are still to be determined. When I go out there will depend on when the house sells, when I get a job and all that fun stuff. Fingers crossed for the house at this point - the rest, we can figure out! Let's sell this house!
But that is one, of the many, amazing things about Sean. He has a dream or an idea and he does whatever he can to make it happen. He doesn't like to be in the same place for too long - which in a way, had me scared at some points, what if the life he had with me was in "the same place" for too long and he would want to change that, and find a new life. He doesn't like when I say that out loud, so I am sure he will be even more mad that I typed it...but no longer do I feel that. I know that no matter where Sean and I end up, we will be happy together, forever.
This is a HUGE task we are taking on, and it will be TONS of work, we both know that. I actually feel like yesterday and today will be my last few relaxing days or quite some time. But we also know that when Sean and I work together on something, we can do some amazing work. I think that is easily seen in our biggest accomplishment to date - the kitchen remodel! I mean, we just killed that project! Oh wait, I guess we have something a bit bigger than that that we worked on together - our little Liam (who, in our eyes is no longer little). What an amazing little man we have on our hands - he has so much personality already that I am in trouble! But what is life without a little trouble from the boys in my life! So, off we go, relaxing and hanging out tonight, and start working tomorrow, time to get everything in action and make this move!
Oh yeah, and details about me are still to be determined. When I go out there will depend on when the house sells, when I get a job and all that fun stuff. Fingers crossed for the house at this point - the rest, we can figure out! Let's sell this house!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Lists
I'm a list maker - something I make lists about the lists I need to make. So, when Sean told me got offered the job, I started a million lists in my head...things we have to do, things we have to sell, pros, cons, etc. And then I stopped and tried to see what I actually felt about moving. Honestly, I am scared, so scared and excited, so excited. I get caught up in my head about the things we will do while we are there, forgetting the things we have to do before we leave. I think about if we will rent or buy, or when I will go out and join Sean, when I really need to focus on getting myself a job and selling our house. And just when I start to think about the reality of it all, my mind wanders yet again...
What do we think we are doing? We are going to pick up our lives, with a 9 month old baby and dog and move across the country, hours and miles away from our support systems that we have in place. Hours and miles away from the only people I have left Liam with (yes, I know, I need to work on that one!). Hours and miles from anything and everything familiar to us. And for what? This is the hard part to explain, so here is my best attempt.
I feel at a peace in Colorado that I really don't feel here. I am sure I can find it other places, but the nature to be had in Colorado is not around here. I feel something in my being calmer when I am there. I feel happier. And yes, I get it, everytime I am there, I am on vacation, so everyone feels happier on vacation. But with me, I feel something different, something I want Liam to know and have. See, the mountains put me in my place. They remind me of just how small and insignificant me and my problems are, they humble me and teach me to respect what they have to offer. Just the sight of them takes my breath away and planning a journey to hike or climb is a whole different situation. You can feel so accomplished after a great hike or so defeated after the mountain reminds you who is boss. In my mind, there is nothing like that feeling, both of those feelings. I have learned so much about myself in the short time I have spent in the mountains, that I only feel being closer to them will complete me in some way.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love my life I have here. I love my family, my friends, our house. I just don't love that it is so hard to find something to do. And such, it will be hard to get out and do all the things we want to with Liam. And if this all falls through and we never move, I will be happy and content here, I will not regret not going, as long as I have Sean and Liam by my side, I will be happy wherever.
So, the question comes up - are these the right signs? Is Sean getting offered this job enough of a sign to make us go? My job didn't come through, our house isn't sold (granted we have just started to try to sell it), Sean's back is acting up, are those signs not to go? When, in life do you stop looking at signs and start believing that you can make it happen, no matter what the signs say? Looks like the start to another list! For now, we are moving, we don't know when, we don't know how, we don't know much about it, but we are going...and my fingers are crossed we are making the right decision. And a little more soul searching will remind me that I know the right decision, and Sean, Liam and I will figure it out and live happily ever after, no matter where!
What do we think we are doing? We are going to pick up our lives, with a 9 month old baby and dog and move across the country, hours and miles away from our support systems that we have in place. Hours and miles away from the only people I have left Liam with (yes, I know, I need to work on that one!). Hours and miles from anything and everything familiar to us. And for what? This is the hard part to explain, so here is my best attempt.
I feel at a peace in Colorado that I really don't feel here. I am sure I can find it other places, but the nature to be had in Colorado is not around here. I feel something in my being calmer when I am there. I feel happier. And yes, I get it, everytime I am there, I am on vacation, so everyone feels happier on vacation. But with me, I feel something different, something I want Liam to know and have. See, the mountains put me in my place. They remind me of just how small and insignificant me and my problems are, they humble me and teach me to respect what they have to offer. Just the sight of them takes my breath away and planning a journey to hike or climb is a whole different situation. You can feel so accomplished after a great hike or so defeated after the mountain reminds you who is boss. In my mind, there is nothing like that feeling, both of those feelings. I have learned so much about myself in the short time I have spent in the mountains, that I only feel being closer to them will complete me in some way.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love my life I have here. I love my family, my friends, our house. I just don't love that it is so hard to find something to do. And such, it will be hard to get out and do all the things we want to with Liam. And if this all falls through and we never move, I will be happy and content here, I will not regret not going, as long as I have Sean and Liam by my side, I will be happy wherever.
So, the question comes up - are these the right signs? Is Sean getting offered this job enough of a sign to make us go? My job didn't come through, our house isn't sold (granted we have just started to try to sell it), Sean's back is acting up, are those signs not to go? When, in life do you stop looking at signs and start believing that you can make it happen, no matter what the signs say? Looks like the start to another list! For now, we are moving, we don't know when, we don't know how, we don't know much about it, but we are going...and my fingers are crossed we are making the right decision. And a little more soul searching will remind me that I know the right decision, and Sean, Liam and I will figure it out and live happily ever after, no matter where!
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Decision time
Yes, it is time for us to make probably one of the biggest decisions in our lives. Isn't it funny how at times, it seems like everything big is the biggest decision of your life - get married, buy a house, have a baby...and then looking back, they aren't really that big of a deal. But this, this is big. Sean got the job - I'm so proud of him - he made them want to hire him, he had all the right smarts and he got himself a job - in Colorado. A paying job, a pretty well paying job...so, now what? Do we go? Do we just do it? Do we pass on this and stay where we are, unhappy by the things around us to do, but happy as a whole? Will moving allow us to explore and play and have the life we dream about? Or will real life bog us down and it will be like we are still here in Illinois? What do we do?
Sean told me to ponder it for a while, and I have been pondering since I heard. I am excited, I want to tell people, I want to talk about it, but I'm trying to keep it hush, hush. But we only have 3 days to decide. Only 3 days to decide if we want to up and leave our life for the dream we both have. 3 little days to figure out if we are doing what is best for Liam or if we are setting ourselves up for failure. 3 days to figure out how we will best sell our house, pack our things and move our lives to the mountains. 3 days.
I want to say yes, let's do it. Let's take a chance and do it. After all, nothing is final - we can come back if we needed to. True, I wouldn't have a job, but we can come back and figure out something. But then why go? I don't plan on coming back - I don't plan on giving up everything to come back here to nothing. But if it happens, is that the worst thing in the world?
I don't know, I want to go, I really do, but I want to know it will work out, I want to know I can get a job, I want to know we will make the move, sell the house, find a place to be happy. I want there to be more knowns. And that is impossible. There is no way to know the future. So, do I stay here, content with my life or do we go and take a chance to have an adventure everyday. 3 days to decide....
Sean told me to ponder it for a while, and I have been pondering since I heard. I am excited, I want to tell people, I want to talk about it, but I'm trying to keep it hush, hush. But we only have 3 days to decide. Only 3 days to decide if we want to up and leave our life for the dream we both have. 3 little days to figure out if we are doing what is best for Liam or if we are setting ourselves up for failure. 3 days to figure out how we will best sell our house, pack our things and move our lives to the mountains. 3 days.
I want to say yes, let's do it. Let's take a chance and do it. After all, nothing is final - we can come back if we needed to. True, I wouldn't have a job, but we can come back and figure out something. But then why go? I don't plan on coming back - I don't plan on giving up everything to come back here to nothing. But if it happens, is that the worst thing in the world?
I don't know, I want to go, I really do, but I want to know it will work out, I want to know I can get a job, I want to know we will make the move, sell the house, find a place to be happy. I want there to be more knowns. And that is impossible. There is no way to know the future. So, do I stay here, content with my life or do we go and take a chance to have an adventure everyday. 3 days to decide....
Monday, September 16, 2013
Visions vs. Realities
Yesterday was such a fun day, was out shopping with Liam and Dot in the rain, hung out with my parents for a bit and despite the fact that Liam didn't take any long naps, he was in a good mood. Of course, until crabby time, about 5:00, when I decided I was going to put together his standing toy, so I could put him in it while I cleaned my dresser and closet. See, I plan (move or no move) to pair down my belongings, especially my clothes, most of it that hasn't been worn in years. And then, if I had time, I make some cookies.
So, we proceeded to bed time...which was at least an hour, half of it screaming the other half was probably me doubting my motherly instincts and abilities. Ugh. So, yeah, I had a vision of what was going to happen and look how that turned out. I also have a vision of Colorado. Of the mountains in our backyard, of morning hikes through the woods, of a fire place and snowy adventures. And then I wonder about the reality. Packing up all we have and moving, starting over, being alone. How will we do it? How will I handle those stresses? Better than these?
Then I open the box and sit Liam down. And I made sure to take out all the light up parts and put batteries in them, so Liam would have something fun to play with. Of course, he is already surrounded with his regular toys on the ground. And then he cries and cries and screams. And of course, I am frustrated, trying to get this thing put together and all Liam wants to do is play with the screw driver. And I'm stuck, the pieces aren't going together, the kid is crying, and soon, I start to cry. Uh oh, here we go, falling down the cliff. I call Sean and am upset, then get upset with him. I know Liam is over tired and needs to sleep - so I feed him and he dozes in my lap. Awesome, so helpful. I move around him to continue to put this thing together. Success - mostly. Then Liam wakes up and is even madder than he was before. I try to feed him food this time, calm him down and just about anything. No luck at all. He finally is content for a few minutes sitting in my lap while I try to put this this together. And then he is done...and I am done too. I finished and put him in it...hoping for a few minutes where he will be distracted and I can pull myself together for bedtime. But no, he just screams...great, he hates it, I wasted my time, and I can't even get anything done tonight. Great. So, I take him out, sit with him and wonder why he is so upset, why am I so upset, what happened between the time I got home and now to throw me into this mess. Oh yeah, I made a plan. I made a plan to get something done and Liam wanted nothing to do with it.
So, we proceeded to bed time...which was at least an hour, half of it screaming the other half was probably me doubting my motherly instincts and abilities. Ugh. So, yeah, I had a vision of what was going to happen and look how that turned out. I also have a vision of Colorado. Of the mountains in our backyard, of morning hikes through the woods, of a fire place and snowy adventures. And then I wonder about the reality. Packing up all we have and moving, starting over, being alone. How will we do it? How will I handle those stresses? Better than these?
So, again, I fell down hard last night, hard. And I got up this morning and I am going to try again. I am going to push past this little cold I have and I am going to enjoy the next few days I have with Sean and not get upset when things done happen as planned...if this baby has taught me anything, is that plans can be a waste of time - I think I need to just start looking at things a little different - no plans - just ideas. Right now, the ideas are still of Sean getting a call today with a great offer so we can move forward with the next step in our wonderful life.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Dreams
I sit here tonight and fight drifting off to sleep, watching the Men's Soccer game, they dream of qualifying for the World Cup tonight. And they can, and it's looking like they might. And I starting thinking about my dreams. So many of my dreams in life have come true. I stumbled into a job I love and couldn't imagine my life with Special Olympics being a part of it. I have found the most wonderful husband, father and man I could have ever asked for. I have a pretty darn amazing, and challenging baby, who is growing up each day before my eyes. I have a great dog, a house that I like and am surrounded by more wonderful family and friends that I could have ever imagined.
And I am so grateful for all of it. Sure, I have my moments where I take it for granted, where I forget the important things, that my baby is happy and healthy, that my husband loves me more than humanly possible, but for the most part, I wake up each day, or go to bed each night grateful for what I have. I know I am lucky, even though I am upset that I don't sleep much due to my little guy. I still know how lucky I am when he cries to know that he has healthy lungs - and yes, they are healthy.
I am so lucky to have a husband who listens to me when I talk or cry, who calmly handles me when I yell about things out of everyone's control, who explains to me in this same calm way, that maybe I am being a little crazy and somehow gets me to see his point of view - sometimes. I have a husband who knows how hard I am working to do the best I can for Liam and it has been a struggle. I have a husband who understands how hard certain things have been with Liam, his birth, our breastfeeding journey, just to name a few. He has supported me through my tears, my struggles and my triumphs. And I hope to think I have done the same for him.
So, with all of this that I have going for me, do I really get to have all my dreams come true and do I get to live this great and wonderful life in the mountains? That's the plan we have set in front of us. Those are the thoughts we are sending into the universe. Am I being greedy? Am I asking for too much? Shouldn't I just be happy where I am?
Sean is a seeker - his brother read a great best man speech about how Sean is a seeker - always looking to improve, looking for a better situation, looking to grow and learn more. And at some point, that concerned me - what if I wasn't enough, what if Sean needed to seek more? What do I do? Well, that has never been the case, he has continued to seek new jobs, new adventures, but never a new me. He has wanted me with him through it all. So, at some point, recently, we talked about being stagnant. And that is where we are. We are happy, we are content, but is there more for us? Are we just standing still if we don't try to move or advance ourselves in some way or another? Maybe...but does that mean a move cross country is the answer.
We will see, we will see if all our dreams come true and the mountains too. Right now, the thoughts are out there - extra pay for Sean, a moving stipend and some rent money for a few months. So right now, we wait, we wait to see if the CEO liked Sean enough today, we wait to hear some news - good news so we can make our decision and start this crazy journey.
But don't get me wrong, I am still very grateful for everything I have - even if I am only getting about 2 hours of sleep at a time - I am in bed next to my favorite guys, waking up to cuddle them and love them...so, wherever the future takes me, as long as I have that with me, I am more than thrilled!
And I am so grateful for all of it. Sure, I have my moments where I take it for granted, where I forget the important things, that my baby is happy and healthy, that my husband loves me more than humanly possible, but for the most part, I wake up each day, or go to bed each night grateful for what I have. I know I am lucky, even though I am upset that I don't sleep much due to my little guy. I still know how lucky I am when he cries to know that he has healthy lungs - and yes, they are healthy.
I am so lucky to have a husband who listens to me when I talk or cry, who calmly handles me when I yell about things out of everyone's control, who explains to me in this same calm way, that maybe I am being a little crazy and somehow gets me to see his point of view - sometimes. I have a husband who knows how hard I am working to do the best I can for Liam and it has been a struggle. I have a husband who understands how hard certain things have been with Liam, his birth, our breastfeeding journey, just to name a few. He has supported me through my tears, my struggles and my triumphs. And I hope to think I have done the same for him.
So, with all of this that I have going for me, do I really get to have all my dreams come true and do I get to live this great and wonderful life in the mountains? That's the plan we have set in front of us. Those are the thoughts we are sending into the universe. Am I being greedy? Am I asking for too much? Shouldn't I just be happy where I am?
Sean is a seeker - his brother read a great best man speech about how Sean is a seeker - always looking to improve, looking for a better situation, looking to grow and learn more. And at some point, that concerned me - what if I wasn't enough, what if Sean needed to seek more? What do I do? Well, that has never been the case, he has continued to seek new jobs, new adventures, but never a new me. He has wanted me with him through it all. So, at some point, recently, we talked about being stagnant. And that is where we are. We are happy, we are content, but is there more for us? Are we just standing still if we don't try to move or advance ourselves in some way or another? Maybe...but does that mean a move cross country is the answer.
We will see, we will see if all our dreams come true and the mountains too. Right now, the thoughts are out there - extra pay for Sean, a moving stipend and some rent money for a few months. So right now, we wait, we wait to see if the CEO liked Sean enough today, we wait to hear some news - good news so we can make our decision and start this crazy journey.
But don't get me wrong, I am still very grateful for everything I have - even if I am only getting about 2 hours of sleep at a time - I am in bed next to my favorite guys, waking up to cuddle them and love them...so, wherever the future takes me, as long as I have that with me, I am more than thrilled!
Monday, September 9, 2013
Stress and Clutter
Ugh, I hate stress, I hate it more than I hate clutter - well, no I think I hate clutter more, because for me, clutter causes stress. A messy closet, a night stand full of this and that, a desk with papers all over - that is clutter for most, but for me, it equals stress. My work is a cluttered mess and so is my house, at times. My dresser has had piles of clothes on it since the beginning of the summer because I haven't packed away my maternity clothes yet. And my closet is so full and always had a pile in front of it, it is terrible. So, this weeks mission - or the next few weeks. De-clutter and therefore de-stress. I need it, BAD! My mind is so cluttered with thoughts of moving, of just wanting to up and leave, just leave it all behind, I am lost in it. In my own clutter. My head is cluttered, I can't seem to focus on things, I just think about moving. I am thinking about uprooting and turning out lives upside down in every possible way, then I close my eyes and see the mountain views, I feel the mountain air and I hope beyond all hopes that our projections in the universe will come true - double pay for Sean, moving expenses and even some rent for a few months when we get there. I know, dreaming big. I know, outlandish. But at times, I think the whole idea is a little bit outlandish. And sometimes I just want to put my head down and take a nap and dream about moving, about the fun part of it all. Not about the work part of it. And maybe the nap is due to my lack of sleep...but I think my heart is already dreaming of something different. My heart wants to move. My soul wants to feel the mountain air. My body wants something different.
Ugh, just ugh...I need a decision to be made soon. I need to get my head in one place, not both. I need us to find out soon about Sean's job, if we are going to do it, if we are going to take a chance and jump into the land of unknown or if we are going to stay put, always wanting more. Tomorrow, another important day in the journey - tomorrow, we will be one step closer to knowing more. Until then, double pay, moving expense and some living expenses. Let's figure this life of ours out!
Ugh, just ugh...I need a decision to be made soon. I need to get my head in one place, not both. I need us to find out soon about Sean's job, if we are going to do it, if we are going to take a chance and jump into the land of unknown or if we are going to stay put, always wanting more. Tomorrow, another important day in the journey - tomorrow, we will be one step closer to knowing more. Until then, double pay, moving expense and some living expenses. Let's figure this life of ours out!
Friday, September 6, 2013
More waiting
Friday, September 6 - Sean got a call on Wednesday. It was from the Donor company in CO. They called and sounded like they really liked him, however, he had to meet with the CEO - they don't hire anyone who doesn't meet with the CEO. She happens to be in Chicago next Tuesday, so he will meet with her then. So many questions - what does that mean? Is she the final answer? Do they already know they want to hire him and now this is just a formality? Or are there more people that need to meet with her? I guess we just wait.
And then on Thursday, I get a phone call. Nope, not from SOCO, but from Jen, who got the job in Colorado. She called to tell me that another job in the state office opened up and as soon as she gets the information, she will send it my way. I also found out she told a few other people, so I feel a little less special, but I am glad she was thinking of me. She knows about our possible move, Brooke knows about our possible move and a few family members know. Other than that, I have decided to keep it on the down low. I feel like we have gone through this before, I have done it numerous times, and never actually moved. So, I will wait. I will wait until we get the final word, until we make the final decision to share.
We have looked at houses just for fun and love what we find. We dream about it, about the mountain house with the porches, about the views...but for now we just dream. Will our dream become a reality? Again, positive thoughts into the universe, but for now, I'm excited about 2 whole days with my favorite guys - closing my eyes and seeing mountains instead of power lines on our local adventures and soaking up as much time with them as I can. And here's also hoping that I get more than 2 hours of sleep at a time!
The Beginning
August 28, 2013 - So, today is the day - well, one of the days, I feel like there will be a lot of "the day" as we move forward with this process. What process? What is going on? Well, after many years of brooding and thinking about it - more for me than for Sean, we have decided that we are going to try and do it....our big dream and pick up and move our life to Colorado. As I type this Sean is on a plane somewhere, maybe over Iowa, and on his way to Colorado for a final interview. According to what he has been told, at this point, it is his job to lose. So, let's hope that doesn't happen - and let's hope they offer above and beyond of what we were hoping for.
And yes, while it sounds great to move - it is going to be a lot of work and we foresee quite a few problems. First of all, I don't have a job. I was hopefully for a while, Special Olympics Colorado (SOCO) was hiring - it was a stretch for me to try and get the position they were looking for, but I thought I would give it a whirl - thought it was a great sign. Didn't work out for me, actually someone else from SOILL got the job - which is great, for the future, and nice to know someone else out there! So, yes, I don't have a job, but I do have a baby to watch, so that is something. I am of course still looking, but right now, nothing set.
And then there is the house. Ahh, the good old American dream - own your own home! Don't get me wrong, it has been great having our own house right now. It has been so much more fun than renting and our money is going somewhere good. But it kind of locks you to one place for a while! Sean is great and might even have some renters lined up - perhaps even renting to buy. But those are the logistics, not the fun things to talk about and dream about.
Why am I so excited about all of this? Ever since I was younger and we took family vacations, going out west was my favorite. Maybe it was the days we spent in the car, where I got to lip sync to my sister and annoy her. Or maybe it was the tapes we made to record the memories. It certainly wasn't the car sickness I would get after laying down. But there was something that always drew me to the mountains. Typically our trips were to Yellowstone, but a few final destinations were Colorado. We did Pikes Peak, we did the Royal Gorge and we were in Vail (in which I knocked my mom's glasses off at the hot tub, something I will never hear the end of!). And each trip I have memories of the mountains...of feeling happy and free. Of course, you are kid, all is happy and free.
Then I "grew up." And my love of the mountains continued. I managed to start dating a guy that lived in Colorado - in retrospect as a ticket to the mountains. And I was about to move, job interview set up and all, until he decided maybe he wasn't ready for that. It was the worst news ever at that time, but looking back, was the best news I could have gotten from him. I decided that I was going to move anyways and made a few trips out there to try and figure out where and how to make it work. I took a new job here and stayed put for a while, finding a job and organization I am passionate about. And then SOCO was hiring. And I decided not to apply for that job. I decided I was happy where I was and wasn't at a point of moving. And thankfully I stayed put because the very next month, I met Sean. I couldn't imagine my life full of Colorado and not have Sean be a part of it. Sean and I quickly knew we were meant to be together and continued to make our life great here in Illinois. We bought our house, got married, had a dog and looked to continue adventures as best we could here. We took our honeymoon to Colorado and hiked the Four Loop Pass - I mean the Four Pass Loop in Maroon Bells - and I saw my first view of Snowmass Lake at the top of the 3rd mountain pass - and I had never seen anything so amazing and beautiful. We were back to Colorado for our anniversary and traveled via Jeep and Rampart Road to Colorado Springs and the Garden of the Gods. We also traveled Rampart Road back to Denver, which was a bit more tricky in November than we thought. We also made our way to Breckenridge 2 seasons ago to ride those mountains. It seems like every vacation I want to take takes me to Colorado.
Each time I leave, I leave with a bit of sadness. My soul and spirit are renewed by the power of the mountains and the beauty of the land. And I hate leaving - I tend to cry. So, we have tried a few other times to move, but no luck. And then we had a baby. I wonderful, crazy, loving monster baby who has so much energy at 8 months, I am worried for what the future holds - worried and excited! Sean and I miss our super adventure days, it is harder to pick up and go drive 3 hours to climb for a couple of hours and then head home. It seems a little less worth it when we are lugging our monster. And don't get me wrong, our little guy it worth it, but we often question and wonder if we are in the best place for him.
Is it right to pull my little guy away from his family, from his Dot and Papa that he has grown with? Is it fair to pull him away from his cousins and other aunts and uncles and rest of his family? Are we being silly and selfish to pick up and take him away from all of that? Should we just stay put and be content with the life we have? We are risking so much by wanting to pick up and go, but at the same time, I sit and think about all the things we are going to get by moving. But is it worth it? I'm sure I can go back and forth about this for the rest of my life, but the fact is, we will never know if it is the right thing if we don't do it.
So, here's sending positive vibes to the universe, to get us out to Colorado, to get us our mountain house, to fill my soul...
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