So, my previous post that really got me thinking about life and how to live the best I can was about being real, being real with myself in all aspects of my life. Since that post I have done a pretty great job of working out and eating better. And I figure I can continue to proceed to do a pretty good job, or I can step it up another notch and do an awesome job. So, I talked to Sean about it a little bit last night and I think we are going to make a leap and start to eat real food. And I realize it won't be easy, not at all. But I think it's something we can do. I think it will be much easier to make Liam goldfish crackers than to buy them. I was excited to find out we have a farmer's market that is open daily just about 15 minutes from our house. The pickings were slim last time, but I'm hoping that will change as the months go on. The owner seemed to be excited to share his fruits and veggies with me, and I'm not going to lie, the cucumbers were awesome! So, that's a great first step in getting more local fruits and veggies in us.
I think Sean is a bit hesitant to take the leap, the full on leap, so I think we will plan to just take small steps to get where we want to be. And I'm sure Liam will be very upset when we are out of Oreos, but I'm hoping he will forget and start to enjoy some more natural foods, even if that means I will be making oreos. And as I keep looking more and more at what the recipes entail, I realize things are totally doable. I also reminded myself that I enjoy cooking and taking pride in what I eat. So, I will work to continue that in addition to adding a trip to the farmer's market and will do the best we can. Can I promise myself I won't cheat or that I will ensure the all the rules are followed? Well, probably not, I mean, after all, I am a bit human, so I'm sure I'll slip up here and there, but I am going to plan to do my best. I am going to plan to succeed in this eating better and making it work and last. I want Liam to see that it's normal to get things from the farmer's market, I want him to learn about real food and what is good and not great to eat. Do I plan on cutting him off from the oreos for good? Nope, I plan on making a slow transition, but one nonetheless to get us on track to eating real food.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Monday, July 28, 2014
Llama, Llama, fun times!
This weekend Sean was doing a race for work, it was called Llama Rama. And your reaction may be the same as mine was, what the heck is that? While I read about it and heard about it, it still seemed like something that was made up and just down right silly, which is right up our alley. We headed out early in the morning to Fairplay, a small town about an hour southwest of us, as best as I can tell. The drive was amazing, we crossed over a few passes and despite Liam's little throwing up, the ride was great. It was such an interested area, farms that were just surrounded by mountains and foothills. We had taken that drive, however it was always covered in snow and we didn't have very good visiblity. You could see for miles and miles, farm land, foothills and mountains. It seems like those views will never get old to me.
We got there, got parked, met up with Sean's team and got his llama. They were too late to get a fast one, so they had to settle for the one they got.
There were so many things going on in the town, a little fair, food, cowboys dressed up (there were some fake shoot outs later in the day), a baby kangaroo, just a whole town ready for a fun weekend.
The race was getting ready to start so Liam and I got our place by the start line and cheered on as daddy and his team, llama included started to go. Liam and I then walked down to watch a little of the race, didn't see daddy's team and didn't want to get too far since Randy and Marianne were meeting us there. Llamas were starting to cross the finish line, so we found a spot on the edge of town and watched all the llamas come in. We met up with Randy and Marianne and just waited to find daddy and his team. At first, Liam had a blast watching the llamas from his stroller, he would giggle everytime he saw one and wanted to see more and more. We watched and finally, Sean and his team made it across the finish line.
After that, we got some lunch and walked around. I probably spent a little too much money on things, but I felt good supporting local businesses. We then found out that Liam could down the bit bouncy slide and he loved it, loved it so much we did it 6 times, I'll be honest, it was the best $3 we could have spent. He giggled and laughed and screamed with joy, it was great! We decided the strom was moving in and it was time to hit the road, we made a few more stops back to the car and called it a day. As soon as left, the skies opened and it rained, a great mountain rain.
The weekend finished up with some more great time with Randy and Marianne, a nice hike on Sunday morning, some yardwork, grocery shopping and getting ready for the week ahead. I always wish Monday's would come a little later in the week, a few more days off, but we will just have to make the weekends work. We have quite a bit going on these next few weeks, and I'm excited and looking forward to a great rest of the summer!
We got there, got parked, met up with Sean's team and got his llama. They were too late to get a fast one, so they had to settle for the one they got.
There were so many things going on in the town, a little fair, food, cowboys dressed up (there were some fake shoot outs later in the day), a baby kangaroo, just a whole town ready for a fun weekend.
The race was getting ready to start so Liam and I got our place by the start line and cheered on as daddy and his team, llama included started to go. Liam and I then walked down to watch a little of the race, didn't see daddy's team and didn't want to get too far since Randy and Marianne were meeting us there. Llamas were starting to cross the finish line, so we found a spot on the edge of town and watched all the llamas come in. We met up with Randy and Marianne and just waited to find daddy and his team. At first, Liam had a blast watching the llamas from his stroller, he would giggle everytime he saw one and wanted to see more and more. We watched and finally, Sean and his team made it across the finish line.
The weekend finished up with some more great time with Randy and Marianne, a nice hike on Sunday morning, some yardwork, grocery shopping and getting ready for the week ahead. I always wish Monday's would come a little later in the week, a few more days off, but we will just have to make the weekends work. We have quite a bit going on these next few weeks, and I'm excited and looking forward to a great rest of the summer!
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Liam melts my heart
I was excited to go and pick Liam up yesterday and prepare for a visit from Randy and Marianne. I was even more excited when I walked in and he came running over to me to give me a huge hug. He did really well again at day care, hasn't cried in a few days now and took a great nap. He didn't eat much, not unusual for him. I asked if he wanted to go and have dinner, he seemed quite excited. We got home, I put him in his seat and started to prepare him dinner. I'll be honest, it wasn't the best dinner, the groceries in our house are a little slim, but nonetheless, it was food he typically eats. I was working on putting away some dishes and getting dinner ready for our guests. I was excited to see Liam take a bite of his cheese and eat some meatballs. Well, it was probably 2 seconds later, I turn to see him throwing his plate in the air with the food going EVERYWHERE! Ugh, this was not helpful, I was trying to clean, he was making a mess. I got upset at him, more upset than I should have...he is just a kid and wanted my attention. He got put in a time out where he cried and cried and cried. I was able to get a few things done, but then I felt terrible. I decided he could get down and help me. That was an even worse deicision! He was chasing me around crying and yelling for me. I have no idea what the problem was, my best guess was that he had to misbehave now since he was good all day.
We tried to sit down again and he ate a bit before again, throwing his food EVERYWHERE. That is normal, right? I then noticed Randy and Marianne arrived so I took Liam down to greet them. He was great, didn't cry when he saw them and even said hi. But of course, I couldn't put him down. We showed them the house, had dinner and Mr. Liam was nice and crabby through it all.
He was running a few times and just fell, I knew it was time for this kid to get to bed. I got his milk ready and swooped him upstairs. I decided to skip the bath and head right to bed. Liam wasn't sure he liked that, so to stall, he decided he needed to use the potty. He successfully did, which was great. I finally got him back into his room and wrestled him into his pjs. We laid down, read a few books and have some milk. Then I like to think it's time for him to just close his eyes and go to sleep. Nope, it was time to make sure the turtle was on, read more books, get out of bed and run away from mommy. So, I let it happen for a while, finally, he settled a bit and after getting his dog and blanket all arranged, he finally laid down next to me.
He did something funny the other night and he did it again this night. I tried to rub his head to get him tired, he grabbed my hand and put it around his tummy. Then, he sat up, looking a bit upset. He grabbed my hand that was on my head and pulled it town. I knew what he was doing, so I just rested it on my stomach. Sure enough, just like he did the other night, he grabbed both hands to make sure they enclosed him in a huge hug. It was wonderful and at that moment, I forgot about everything else, I forgot that he was such a pain in my butt and I remembered that this kid needs love. He needs mommy's hugs and cuddles. He needs me. And I need him just as much. So, yes, he melted my heart, he chose for me to hug him and hold him close. He loves me so and his love is so pure, so natural and how it should be. It's a great reminder to show your love and melt hearts.
We tried to sit down again and he ate a bit before again, throwing his food EVERYWHERE. That is normal, right? I then noticed Randy and Marianne arrived so I took Liam down to greet them. He was great, didn't cry when he saw them and even said hi. But of course, I couldn't put him down. We showed them the house, had dinner and Mr. Liam was nice and crabby through it all.
He was running a few times and just fell, I knew it was time for this kid to get to bed. I got his milk ready and swooped him upstairs. I decided to skip the bath and head right to bed. Liam wasn't sure he liked that, so to stall, he decided he needed to use the potty. He successfully did, which was great. I finally got him back into his room and wrestled him into his pjs. We laid down, read a few books and have some milk. Then I like to think it's time for him to just close his eyes and go to sleep. Nope, it was time to make sure the turtle was on, read more books, get out of bed and run away from mommy. So, I let it happen for a while, finally, he settled a bit and after getting his dog and blanket all arranged, he finally laid down next to me.
He did something funny the other night and he did it again this night. I tried to rub his head to get him tired, he grabbed my hand and put it around his tummy. Then, he sat up, looking a bit upset. He grabbed my hand that was on my head and pulled it town. I knew what he was doing, so I just rested it on my stomach. Sure enough, just like he did the other night, he grabbed both hands to make sure they enclosed him in a huge hug. It was wonderful and at that moment, I forgot about everything else, I forgot that he was such a pain in my butt and I remembered that this kid needs love. He needs mommy's hugs and cuddles. He needs me. And I need him just as much. So, yes, he melted my heart, he chose for me to hug him and hold him close. He loves me so and his love is so pure, so natural and how it should be. It's a great reminder to show your love and melt hearts.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
A new outlook....
....or a new day...or a new start, just new. New thoughts, new ways of thinking about things and new ways to move on. That's where I'm at today, moving on. See, I have always worried about my weight, about how others think I look, about what others say about me in my swimsuit, the list goes on and on. I worry about how I can't keep up with people in certain ways, about how I don't measure up and that list goes on as well. Well, you know what, I'm over it, I'm done with that crap. I'm done with being worried about what others think and I'm done being so hard on myself.
So today, I start again. I start with a new outlook and a fresh perspective. I am going to let go and break through of all the things holding me back from being what I want to be. I'm tired of the excuses, being busy, being tired, it's too late, again, the list goes on. I am ready to be done with everything that is holding me back from being the person I want to be. I'm ready to stop wasting my time watching TV and instead spend that time living, baking things, making things, cleaning, creating, reading, working out....all those things that get me somewhere, that help make me into the person I want to do - that's where I want to go.
I want to be fit, I don't care what I weigh, actually, I was thinking about that earlier today. I have no idea what my number is now, nor do I know what my ideal number is, but I do know how I feel. It has been great to not weigh myself, to not worry about some number making or breaking my day. Instead, I know the 10 minutes I can spend working out will provide me with much motivation to keep going. Or the 5 minutes, or the minute I spend doing a plank. That's what I need, just to be active and fit. I want to keep up with others when I'm biking. I want a 3 mile run to be nice and easy again, I want to hike and lead the pack, while carrying Liam. I want Liam to see what a strong woman is. I want him to see how confident and strong women can be, and how great him mom is. It's funny, it's almost like it'd be easier for me to want to show a daughter how to be strong and powerful, but I think I realized that he can learn just as much from me and how I act.
I want to be comfortable being me. I keep envisioning this life for me and my family, this life of being home grown and natural. And for some reason, I keep finding excuses to stop me. And I'm so over the excuses. I'm ready for the action. I'm ready to do it, I'm ready to not dwell on the past, I'm ready to move forward and use my past as lessons, for me and for others. I'm ready to forgive myself for the things that I hold myself responsible for. I'm ready to take that step, to leave the past behind and just take with the lessons.
I think that last statement is easier said than done. I think today I realized I still beat myself up for how Liam's birth went - not the way I wanted it to go. I still am upset I didn't speak up more and stand up for how I felt and what I wanted. But I can't go back, I can't keep being upset about it. I did the best I could and now, now if the chance presents itself, I can do better. And if it doesn't, I can help others. I can be the person I needed in that room with me for someone else. I can move on and I can know that I have a wonderful little 18 month old monster that is happy and healthy and in the end, that's what matters. It still is hard, though...but it's time to stop dwelling deep down and let it go. Hmm...I hate when things like this pop up - thinking it has been out of my mind long enough, but still, it comes up, I blame me for how it went. I still talk about it. I'm all right talking about it, but there is nothing I can do to change it. So, again, I move forward with the lessons I learned to share with others in anyway I can.
Back on topic....so today starts my new challenge, my physical challenge that will lead me in the direction I want to take with my life. Each week I am challenging myself to do certain workouts, a certain number of them in the week. This week, I will get in a day of cardio (my 5K), 2 Bodeefit workouts, 2 Ab workouts, 2 leg pilates workouts, 1 Power Class and 2 yoga sessions. I have decided not to put time limits on anything at this point, and I can certainly go above and beyond these with hikes and biking and such. But for now, that is my week ahead of me, nice and easy to cross off my list and get myself to the place I want to be.
This place I speak of is quite broad, but the more I think about it, the more I narrow it down to where I want to be. Today that place is a place of strength, it's a place of getting my workouts done and knowing the rest that comes with that. It's a place I feel most confident and comfortable, it's a place I feel most at peace. The rest will come together, once I work to get to this place. And everyday is a step closer to that place, even if it's a small step, or a failed step, it's still a step...and that's where I want to be. And I'm getting there at my pace...and the thought of that makes me smile.
So today, I start again. I start with a new outlook and a fresh perspective. I am going to let go and break through of all the things holding me back from being what I want to be. I'm tired of the excuses, being busy, being tired, it's too late, again, the list goes on. I am ready to be done with everything that is holding me back from being the person I want to be. I'm ready to stop wasting my time watching TV and instead spend that time living, baking things, making things, cleaning, creating, reading, working out....all those things that get me somewhere, that help make me into the person I want to do - that's where I want to go.
I want to be fit, I don't care what I weigh, actually, I was thinking about that earlier today. I have no idea what my number is now, nor do I know what my ideal number is, but I do know how I feel. It has been great to not weigh myself, to not worry about some number making or breaking my day. Instead, I know the 10 minutes I can spend working out will provide me with much motivation to keep going. Or the 5 minutes, or the minute I spend doing a plank. That's what I need, just to be active and fit. I want to keep up with others when I'm biking. I want a 3 mile run to be nice and easy again, I want to hike and lead the pack, while carrying Liam. I want Liam to see what a strong woman is. I want him to see how confident and strong women can be, and how great him mom is. It's funny, it's almost like it'd be easier for me to want to show a daughter how to be strong and powerful, but I think I realized that he can learn just as much from me and how I act.
I want to be comfortable being me. I keep envisioning this life for me and my family, this life of being home grown and natural. And for some reason, I keep finding excuses to stop me. And I'm so over the excuses. I'm ready for the action. I'm ready to do it, I'm ready to not dwell on the past, I'm ready to move forward and use my past as lessons, for me and for others. I'm ready to forgive myself for the things that I hold myself responsible for. I'm ready to take that step, to leave the past behind and just take with the lessons.
I think that last statement is easier said than done. I think today I realized I still beat myself up for how Liam's birth went - not the way I wanted it to go. I still am upset I didn't speak up more and stand up for how I felt and what I wanted. But I can't go back, I can't keep being upset about it. I did the best I could and now, now if the chance presents itself, I can do better. And if it doesn't, I can help others. I can be the person I needed in that room with me for someone else. I can move on and I can know that I have a wonderful little 18 month old monster that is happy and healthy and in the end, that's what matters. It still is hard, though...but it's time to stop dwelling deep down and let it go. Hmm...I hate when things like this pop up - thinking it has been out of my mind long enough, but still, it comes up, I blame me for how it went. I still talk about it. I'm all right talking about it, but there is nothing I can do to change it. So, again, I move forward with the lessons I learned to share with others in anyway I can.
Back on topic....so today starts my new challenge, my physical challenge that will lead me in the direction I want to take with my life. Each week I am challenging myself to do certain workouts, a certain number of them in the week. This week, I will get in a day of cardio (my 5K), 2 Bodeefit workouts, 2 Ab workouts, 2 leg pilates workouts, 1 Power Class and 2 yoga sessions. I have decided not to put time limits on anything at this point, and I can certainly go above and beyond these with hikes and biking and such. But for now, that is my week ahead of me, nice and easy to cross off my list and get myself to the place I want to be.
This place I speak of is quite broad, but the more I think about it, the more I narrow it down to where I want to be. Today that place is a place of strength, it's a place of getting my workouts done and knowing the rest that comes with that. It's a place I feel most confident and comfortable, it's a place I feel most at peace. The rest will come together, once I work to get to this place. And everyday is a step closer to that place, even if it's a small step, or a failed step, it's still a step...and that's where I want to be. And I'm getting there at my pace...and the thought of that makes me smile.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Recap
It seems as though my blogs have turned into some sort of recap of some time period. And I enjoy that, it has been fun going back and reading and recalling what we did, the things I was thinking and feeling. So, again, here I sit to think about the past weekend. It started a little early with a longer lunch on Friday to the mountain bike park. Sean met Sam and I there, which was good, they got to go off and have fun while I was able to sink into my pace and what I wanted to do. It was different then when I went alone, though. I put a little more pressure on myself, which of course, freaked me out a bit more, but it was very fun and felt good to be back on the bike. I did take a tumble, didn't get nearly as bloody as last time, but had tons of fun again. It might have to be a weekly thing.
Sean was on call again this weekend, so our plans were to stay close - mostly. Friday night I thought would be a nice date night, or rather a family night out. So, we had a little adventure - finding a new place to eat and enjoying driving around. It was getting late and we were running out of luck and places to eat so we ended up at one of our usual places, which was fine. Service was slow, but my beer was good, so it all evened out.
On Saturday, I had made plans to go to the dog beach with Bethany, still unsure of Sean and his work. It ended up being farther away than we thought, but in the end, it was totally worth it. We packed up like we have done for boat day (which of course, made me sad that we didn't have a boat to be on), and headed on our way. It was a great little place, beach, sand, water. The dogs loved it, Burton barked way too much. Liam loved it and floated in his new life jacket. He played in the sand and shivered to swim some more. He had such a great time. We were there for quite a few hours, then decided to go back to our place to grill and celebrate Erik's birthday. It was nice, to sit outside, to grill, to enjoy great company and a lovely dinner. We hung out, and headed to bed nice and early, we had a very early morning with Sean's race the next day.
Sunday morning came way too fast. Liam slept all night in his bed, so I had to go and wake him up. We needed to leave the house at 6 or so to get me registered for the race. It was a 5K put on by Donor Alliance. It was such a great event. Many people were walking in honor of people that donated. Many of the partners DA had came out to support it, it was close to 5,000 people supporting organ donation. Sean decided he was going to run with us instead of trying to win. We were stuck in the back behind quite a few walkers so we had to cut around them on the grass. This was not the best way to start the race, but what can you do? I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to break any records since I hadn't run in weeks, perhaps even months at this point. As we were going, I could tell Sean wanted to go faster, I encouraged him and Liam to go ahead, which he did. It was a little selfish of me to do that, but I think I needed some time alone on my run.
I needed to clear my head, and get myself in the right state of mind. I wasn't sure I could do that with Sean hanging with me. I love running and doing things with him, but sometimes I get so upset at myself that I'm not as good as him, that it just hinders me. And today, today I needed some time to refocus me, to get myself back on track, to get my head and body on the same page. I remember one Biggest Loser episode, Bob told something that your body won't do anything your mind doesn't think it can do. I don't think that is exactly what the quote was, but that's what I took from him. My body had a great workout week last week, but I think i need to remember I need to focus on my mind as well. I need to remember that my mind controls so much more than I think it does. So I ran, I ran and ran and felt like I was running really fast, alas, I wasn't, but I felt pretty good. And that was exciting. I also set myself some goals, I know what I want the end product to be, I just need to get the middle process down. I'm getting there, getting close, the physical part needed to start for me, now the rest will fall into place. I want to feel confident when I get dressed in the morning, I don't want to have to change 3 times because I don't like how I look. And I know it's all in my head...so now, I am going to tackle both, working out physically and mentally. Challenge is on - challenge I started with myself and need to finish.
Sean was on call again this weekend, so our plans were to stay close - mostly. Friday night I thought would be a nice date night, or rather a family night out. So, we had a little adventure - finding a new place to eat and enjoying driving around. It was getting late and we were running out of luck and places to eat so we ended up at one of our usual places, which was fine. Service was slow, but my beer was good, so it all evened out.
On Saturday, I had made plans to go to the dog beach with Bethany, still unsure of Sean and his work. It ended up being farther away than we thought, but in the end, it was totally worth it. We packed up like we have done for boat day (which of course, made me sad that we didn't have a boat to be on), and headed on our way. It was a great little place, beach, sand, water. The dogs loved it, Burton barked way too much. Liam loved it and floated in his new life jacket. He played in the sand and shivered to swim some more. He had such a great time. We were there for quite a few hours, then decided to go back to our place to grill and celebrate Erik's birthday. It was nice, to sit outside, to grill, to enjoy great company and a lovely dinner. We hung out, and headed to bed nice and early, we had a very early morning with Sean's race the next day.
Sunday morning came way too fast. Liam slept all night in his bed, so I had to go and wake him up. We needed to leave the house at 6 or so to get me registered for the race. It was a 5K put on by Donor Alliance. It was such a great event. Many people were walking in honor of people that donated. Many of the partners DA had came out to support it, it was close to 5,000 people supporting organ donation. Sean decided he was going to run with us instead of trying to win. We were stuck in the back behind quite a few walkers so we had to cut around them on the grass. This was not the best way to start the race, but what can you do? I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to break any records since I hadn't run in weeks, perhaps even months at this point. As we were going, I could tell Sean wanted to go faster, I encouraged him and Liam to go ahead, which he did. It was a little selfish of me to do that, but I think I needed some time alone on my run.
I needed to clear my head, and get myself in the right state of mind. I wasn't sure I could do that with Sean hanging with me. I love running and doing things with him, but sometimes I get so upset at myself that I'm not as good as him, that it just hinders me. And today, today I needed some time to refocus me, to get myself back on track, to get my head and body on the same page. I remember one Biggest Loser episode, Bob told something that your body won't do anything your mind doesn't think it can do. I don't think that is exactly what the quote was, but that's what I took from him. My body had a great workout week last week, but I think i need to remember I need to focus on my mind as well. I need to remember that my mind controls so much more than I think it does. So I ran, I ran and ran and felt like I was running really fast, alas, I wasn't, but I felt pretty good. And that was exciting. I also set myself some goals, I know what I want the end product to be, I just need to get the middle process down. I'm getting there, getting close, the physical part needed to start for me, now the rest will fall into place. I want to feel confident when I get dressed in the morning, I don't want to have to change 3 times because I don't like how I look. And I know it's all in my head...so now, I am going to tackle both, working out physically and mentally. Challenge is on - challenge I started with myself and need to finish.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Sunday's hike
I was going to start this one out reviewing our comically (not at the time) frustrating evening on Sunday night, but well, none of that matters right now. It was quite funny, though, how a million things seemed to go wrong when I made the decision to NOT take Liam to the Avett Brothers show - pretty much the universe telling me that I should have gone. But anyways, it will only take a few more days for not to be bummed when I hear thier songs (perhaps I should change my Pandora station, that might help).
But, the day leading up to that decision was another great one. Sean and I decided it was time to play outside and take a hike. We went to Mt. Falcon, about 7 minutes away from home and hiked a way we hadn't hiked before. We climbed about 500 feet to get to see some great views of Denver - it was amazing how far you can see when you are up that high.
Liam is at the point were he likes the backpack, but also wants to get our to explore. We stopped at the top and let him do just that. He climbed up and sit next to Daddy, he used his hand to hit the log next to him for Mommy to sit down (couldn't resist grabbing this picture first, though).
He wandered a bit down the trail, climbed a few rocks and made his way back to the log. We were ready to go, but Liam was not. He had more climbing to do, I'm a little nervous and excited about how good of a climber he is already. I have been taking little videos of him climbing and envision it one day being a part of some sort of montage or story they do on him, you know, because he will become some world class climber. It's a fun thing to think about, what this kid will make of himself, what small role I will play in his life.
We also got a great family picture, which hasn't happened in a while. A couple of nice hikers offered and I couldn't pass up the chance. So it was another great hike, 4 miles of fun times, a sleeping baby, a dog that wanted to be free and a happy couple just going for a walk at the park closest to our house. Yes, as I mentioned before, life it good.
Liam is at the point were he likes the backpack, but also wants to get our to explore. We stopped at the top and let him do just that. He climbed up and sit next to Daddy, he used his hand to hit the log next to him for Mommy to sit down (couldn't resist grabbing this picture first, though).
He wandered a bit down the trail, climbed a few rocks and made his way back to the log. We were ready to go, but Liam was not. He had more climbing to do, I'm a little nervous and excited about how good of a climber he is already. I have been taking little videos of him climbing and envision it one day being a part of some sort of montage or story they do on him, you know, because he will become some world class climber. It's a fun thing to think about, what this kid will make of himself, what small role I will play in his life.
We also got a great family picture, which hasn't happened in a while. A couple of nice hikers offered and I couldn't pass up the chance. So it was another great hike, 4 miles of fun times, a sleeping baby, a dog that wanted to be free and a happy couple just going for a walk at the park closest to our house. Yes, as I mentioned before, life it good.
What a weekend!
It's also a few too many days after the events happen that I write, but so it goes with my time and such. It was a great weekend for us at the Foege house, mostly because we spent the weekend at the house, together, working on the house. Liam got sick on Wednesday, ended up with Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. Ugh, not fun, even worse when they call it a disease. But that meant we weren't hanging out with friends or doing much out of the house, as much as I wanted to. Sean was on call, so we had to stay close to home, which was great. We ended up working our butts off to unpack, put furniture together, move furniture around, unpack boxes, clean up tools, put walls back together and the list goes on and on. We cleaned, vaccuumed, mopped, dusted and again, the list goes on.
Saturday was an exhaustingly long day - we started nice and early and barely had time to go outside to have fun in between the rain storms. We did see a deer right out of the window where Liam's new play area was. We stopped and enjoyed our house as we unpacked and I realized a few things while we did all this work. First of all, I love our new house. It has become such a wonderful place to be. It was hard for a while, we were still in boxes and living in messes, but the more boxes we unpack, the more space we clear out, the more things we move, the more I love our house. We have ideas upon ideas of things we want to do - which, by the way, owning a home would be great if you got some bonus money you got to spend on the house to make it your way. So, we share ideas, we talk, we are creative, we plan for the next step. And we scale all that back in and look at what's in front of us. It's so fun to make a home, I loved doing it when we lived in IL, but now, it is even more fun. It helps to have done things already, we sort of know what we are doing at least. And there is just so much more we can do with this amazing house. I think each time Sean and I talk, the conversation involves our home and something we can do it at some point. It's so fun, so expensive and then even more fun to be creative to not put us in a huge hole.
Saturday was an exhaustingly long day - we started nice and early and barely had time to go outside to have fun in between the rain storms. We did see a deer right out of the window where Liam's new play area was. We stopped and enjoyed our house as we unpacked and I realized a few things while we did all this work. First of all, I love our new house. It has become such a wonderful place to be. It was hard for a while, we were still in boxes and living in messes, but the more boxes we unpack, the more space we clear out, the more things we move, the more I love our house. We have ideas upon ideas of things we want to do - which, by the way, owning a home would be great if you got some bonus money you got to spend on the house to make it your way. So, we share ideas, we talk, we are creative, we plan for the next step. And we scale all that back in and look at what's in front of us. It's so fun to make a home, I loved doing it when we lived in IL, but now, it is even more fun. It helps to have done things already, we sort of know what we are doing at least. And there is just so much more we can do with this amazing house. I think each time Sean and I talk, the conversation involves our home and something we can do it at some point. It's so fun, so expensive and then even more fun to be creative to not put us in a huge hole.
It's funny to me, that saying about your cluttered space and cluttered mind. I totally think that is true for me. It's easy for me to leave things cluttered, I can live in that space, but I am so much better when my life is in the proper bins or containers. Sean makes fun of me at times (in the best possible way) because when we go out, I always want to buy bins or tubs for storage - he doesn't get it. And I think I finally get it, bins make it easier to keep the place clean, a clean place leads me to a clear mind. And with a clear mind, I can see so much. I can see the home I want to have, I can envision the things I want to do with my life and my family. I can see myself doing all the things I want to do, and I'm getting there.
There is so much that happened this weekend that I wish I would have kept better track of my thoughts, my ideas, my dreams. I always want to blog at night, but typically I am too tired to make it happen, or too lazy, yeah, probably too lazy. And it doesn't help that my computer at home doesn't work very well, if at all. After about 5 minutes of me waiting for it to boot up, I'm over it.
Anyways, I love where I am in life right now. I'm in a job I love, I'm in a home that is amazing (and will get even better), I live within 10 minutes of some amazing hikes, I have a healthy little guy and a wonderful husband. I have support from friends and family - I mean, really, does it get any better? I love days when I think it can't get better and then it does. I am in a place in life where I want to learn everything, I want to make Liam homemade cheese and peanut butter crackers - from scratch, I want to stay home and cook instead of going out (which we have done for over a week - we both ate lunch out yesterday, but otherwise, for a week, all of our meals were at home). I want so much, but at the time time am so grateful for everything I have. And that's where I end up, grateful for all the above items, grateful to be alive and moving in the right direction. I just can't wait to see what our future holds in so many ways, but for now, I love life and I love our home, it is the perfect place to be with my wonderful family.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Home Sweet Home
It's interesting to me how that phrase can mean so many different things to me. Yesterday, it meant that I was home, in my house and able to stay put for a while, at least for a few weeks. Over the weekend, home wasn't where I was, it was who I was with. It's such a habit that Illinois is home, I mean, it was home for 35 years. But now, now, Colorado is home. I want to call this my home, I want to make it my home and I want Liam to feel home here. I think he does, I think we are getting more and more settled and we feel more like home. And I love it. I love having home here. I love being able to be free and live the life we want to live without being worried about being judged.
Judging - such a thing that is so prevelant in our lives and such a thing that is so pointless and stupid. I mean, come on, we all do it, we judge others, we judge ourselves, it's almost second nature. It's something that happens when you aren't even thinking about it. It's something that I have always found out to be better without, when I stop myself from judging others, I feel less judged and I feel more comfortable being me - not being worried about what other people think. And not thinking anything about others. But sometimes, so many times, I get caught up in what I think other people are thinking - it's far to hard to live that way, but it happens. So, today's first lesson - cut out the judging. It makes me more comfortable being me and in the end, if people want to judge me, so be it - they can, doesn't matter to me, mostly because I don't have time for it. I have time to get myself to the place I want to be, to make myself the best I can me and to live my life the way I want to. And not worrying what others think, say or do. It's hard, but I'm looking forward to the process and getting there. It will be such a huge pay off - the less I judge, the less I worry about being judged.
Anyways, back to my visit back to IL...I've been very careful as to what I refer to as home. I know so much of me and my life was back in IL, so it's hard not to think of that as home. But as I move forward, I know this is where I want home to be. Will it ever become natural to say home is here? Does that come with time? Does it matter? I like the saying home is where you heart is, home is what you make it, a house doesn't make a home, etc. I enjoy those because I believe them to be true. I don't need a place to call home. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to not have a roof over my head. But it's not about the place for me, it's about the feelings. It's about how I feel when I pick up my little guy from day care and head home. It's the feeling I get when I see him running towards me when he is home with Daddy. It's the joy I see in his face as I climb the stairs - that's home to me. Not the house I'm in, not the state I'm in, none of that. The feeling I get from my guys at home, that's what I want and that's what I can take with me.
So, instead of struggling with where my home is, I will remember this - that I belong with Sean, Liam and Burton and whereever we may be, that's home.
The weekend back in IL was great - it was so fun, we had such a great time. Google Plus did a great job of telling my story in pictures - everything from the bouncy houses, to the fireworks, to the parties and the swimming and all in between. My sister's kids had so much fun having Liam around. I love watching them all interect - it's been a while since a baby has been on that side of the family, and they love it. They play with him, read to him, laugh with him and just about anything else you can think of. It's a great feeling to watch that. We saw some great friends and of course, didn't have enough time for it all.
It was stressful trying to figure out how to see everyone we wanted to see, how to make all involved happy, but I think I learned a couple of more big lessons. I can't make everyone happy...and I don't think I'll have enough time to make all the things happen I want to make happen. But that's something we sacrificed when we moved it, that is something we knew would be the case. We knew we would miss people and not have enough time when back in IL. But you know what, we got back to our house in Colorado late on Monday night, and I woke up on Tuesday, walked to my car and saw the mountains - and I knew, I knew this is where I belong. And I also learned there ways to keep in touch - I don't need to see someone to connect with them, I can call them, e-mail them, or just about any other way to get in touch with them. So it's all, distance doesn't make things impossible. Sure, it makes the goodbyes a little harder, and the hugs a little longer, but it's always just a see you later - never a good bye.
Judging - such a thing that is so prevelant in our lives and such a thing that is so pointless and stupid. I mean, come on, we all do it, we judge others, we judge ourselves, it's almost second nature. It's something that happens when you aren't even thinking about it. It's something that I have always found out to be better without, when I stop myself from judging others, I feel less judged and I feel more comfortable being me - not being worried about what other people think. And not thinking anything about others. But sometimes, so many times, I get caught up in what I think other people are thinking - it's far to hard to live that way, but it happens. So, today's first lesson - cut out the judging. It makes me more comfortable being me and in the end, if people want to judge me, so be it - they can, doesn't matter to me, mostly because I don't have time for it. I have time to get myself to the place I want to be, to make myself the best I can me and to live my life the way I want to. And not worrying what others think, say or do. It's hard, but I'm looking forward to the process and getting there. It will be such a huge pay off - the less I judge, the less I worry about being judged.
Anyways, back to my visit back to IL...I've been very careful as to what I refer to as home. I know so much of me and my life was back in IL, so it's hard not to think of that as home. But as I move forward, I know this is where I want home to be. Will it ever become natural to say home is here? Does that come with time? Does it matter? I like the saying home is where you heart is, home is what you make it, a house doesn't make a home, etc. I enjoy those because I believe them to be true. I don't need a place to call home. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to not have a roof over my head. But it's not about the place for me, it's about the feelings. It's about how I feel when I pick up my little guy from day care and head home. It's the feeling I get when I see him running towards me when he is home with Daddy. It's the joy I see in his face as I climb the stairs - that's home to me. Not the house I'm in, not the state I'm in, none of that. The feeling I get from my guys at home, that's what I want and that's what I can take with me.
So, instead of struggling with where my home is, I will remember this - that I belong with Sean, Liam and Burton and whereever we may be, that's home.
The weekend back in IL was great - it was so fun, we had such a great time. Google Plus did a great job of telling my story in pictures - everything from the bouncy houses, to the fireworks, to the parties and the swimming and all in between. My sister's kids had so much fun having Liam around. I love watching them all interect - it's been a while since a baby has been on that side of the family, and they love it. They play with him, read to him, laugh with him and just about anything else you can think of. It's a great feeling to watch that. We saw some great friends and of course, didn't have enough time for it all.
It was stressful trying to figure out how to see everyone we wanted to see, how to make all involved happy, but I think I learned a couple of more big lessons. I can't make everyone happy...and I don't think I'll have enough time to make all the things happen I want to make happen. But that's something we sacrificed when we moved it, that is something we knew would be the case. We knew we would miss people and not have enough time when back in IL. But you know what, we got back to our house in Colorado late on Monday night, and I woke up on Tuesday, walked to my car and saw the mountains - and I knew, I knew this is where I belong. And I also learned there ways to keep in touch - I don't need to see someone to connect with them, I can call them, e-mail them, or just about any other way to get in touch with them. So it's all, distance doesn't make things impossible. Sure, it makes the goodbyes a little harder, and the hugs a little longer, but it's always just a see you later - never a good bye.
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