Yes, I have fallen a bit behind. I didn't have internet service and I enjoyed being "unplugged" to some extent. So, now I can go back and account all of the steps we have taken over the last few weeks, how the drive seemed to take forever, how Liam actually handled the travel pretty well, how I got to drive the truck with a giant trailer behind it, how when we finally got to the house the roads were so dark, we had no idea where we were going and how I think that was best. I can write about Sean's calm nerves while driving the trailer and backing it up to our house, how we had to sleep on the floor the first night and how I dried myself off with wash rags the first day, and how the movers were 2 1/2 days later than we thought they were going to be, and how dumb they were when they got there.
But instead, I am going to spend a little time writing about all the cool things we discovered, all the adventures we had in the short time we had. Monday we got into to Conifer when it was dark, I don't even think it was all that late, but I knew it was dark, and a million stars were out to greet us. We met with the owner of the house and he was so nice to show us the ropes while Liam happily crawled around the huge open space. Then we fell asleep, me on a yoga mat, Sean on the cushions of a couch and Liam cuddled with me. And sleeping wasn't all that great, but it was something, it wasn't a hotel, and it was home.
And Tuesday we spent the morning doing a little shopping and then getting ready to head to my interview. Fingers still crossed that the job all works out. Sean and Liam did some shopping, we found some sushi dinner and headed back to our house. We were able to dig out the futon pad to sleep on that and we did find some blankets (rather than coats of the night before), so again, we fell asleep on the floor in front of the gas fire place. We got up on Wednesday and Sean started his job. Liam and I spent the day doing a little unpacking, taking a walk and just hanging out starting to feel at home, waiting for Sean to get home and hear about his day.
The rest of the week went about the same, Liam and I hanging out, unpacking, waiting for the movers and happily waiting for daddy to get home. We explored Evergreen, the next town over for dinner one night and then the next day. We found a huge dog park that we walked around in, we found that taking a car ride had a whole new meaning. We found where we belong. And it felt so good.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
It's been a good day
It's been a good day. It's been a busy day, but it's been a good day. I finally feel I am having feelings about moving. It hasn't seemed real since it all started. But now, tonight, as I sit here with most of our life in boxes, realizing how much more life we have left to pack, drinking my glass of wine, I am feeling it all. I am nervous, that the movers will come and we won't be ready, that we will forget something, that our lives may never be the same. Then I realize that it's all good, we have a few extra days after the movers to make sure we have everything, that I can come back if we do forget something and that yes, our lives will never be the same. And I'm all right with that.
I feel that is something that I signed up for, in a way, when I met Sean. See, he doesn't like to be in one place too long. I never was like that, I was content where I was, I was happy, enough. And then, I met Sean and realized how much more potential in life there was for fun and moving forward. And I got his itch, I wanted more, we wanted more. And now we are getting it, we are going to make our dream come true...and I am so excited about that. So excited. So, that's nervous - and excited. And nostalgic...I mean, we lived her for 4 years. I remember the first night in our house, in front of the fire place in our sleeping bags, we just wanted to be here so bad, we didn't want to wait to move it. We laid there and the world was our canvas, I had no idea, that 4 years ago, I would be where I am with Sean now. So, yes, I'll be sad, as I said before to leave this house, our home. I will hope that someday this house will provide that magic and excitement to someone, like Sean and I had.
So, will I cry at some point tomorrow, yes, for sure I will. After all, my life is in boxes right now and I'm waiting to drive across the country with my family to live our dream. Of course I am going to cry, I'm also a HUGE sap. And I will probably dry my tears and then cry a little bit again. And I'll know that won't be the last time I will cry over the next couple of weeks, but I will also know how much I have to look forward to.
It's been a good day. I feel like I want to elaborate more on that, but to be honest, at the end of the day, I realize it's been a good, maybe even great day.
There is so much more that will come in the days ahead, the weeks, month ahead...but for now, I am going to just relax and realize it has been a good day. And I really should get back to packing. But as long as I keep typing, I can put it off, and maybe make some great, deep down discovery about something. or maybe it will just mean that I will be up all night putting my life away in boxes. But whatever the case may be, I am excited to be feeling so scared, nervous, excited and thrilled all at the same time. It's like the perfect storm in some sense, it's a little bit of everything, like a kid waiting to try something totally new...that's me right now. And I can run and hide from it, or I can embrace it, I can go with the fact that at some point, very soon, I will be a Colorado resident. And that makes me smile...so, see, it's been a good day!
I feel that is something that I signed up for, in a way, when I met Sean. See, he doesn't like to be in one place too long. I never was like that, I was content where I was, I was happy, enough. And then, I met Sean and realized how much more potential in life there was for fun and moving forward. And I got his itch, I wanted more, we wanted more. And now we are getting it, we are going to make our dream come true...and I am so excited about that. So excited. So, that's nervous - and excited. And nostalgic...I mean, we lived her for 4 years. I remember the first night in our house, in front of the fire place in our sleeping bags, we just wanted to be here so bad, we didn't want to wait to move it. We laid there and the world was our canvas, I had no idea, that 4 years ago, I would be where I am with Sean now. So, yes, I'll be sad, as I said before to leave this house, our home. I will hope that someday this house will provide that magic and excitement to someone, like Sean and I had.
So, will I cry at some point tomorrow, yes, for sure I will. After all, my life is in boxes right now and I'm waiting to drive across the country with my family to live our dream. Of course I am going to cry, I'm also a HUGE sap. And I will probably dry my tears and then cry a little bit again. And I'll know that won't be the last time I will cry over the next couple of weeks, but I will also know how much I have to look forward to.
It's been a good day. I feel like I want to elaborate more on that, but to be honest, at the end of the day, I realize it's been a good, maybe even great day.
There is so much more that will come in the days ahead, the weeks, month ahead...but for now, I am going to just relax and realize it has been a good day. And I really should get back to packing. But as long as I keep typing, I can put it off, and maybe make some great, deep down discovery about something. or maybe it will just mean that I will be up all night putting my life away in boxes. But whatever the case may be, I am excited to be feeling so scared, nervous, excited and thrilled all at the same time. It's like the perfect storm in some sense, it's a little bit of everything, like a kid waiting to try something totally new...that's me right now. And I can run and hide from it, or I can embrace it, I can go with the fact that at some point, very soon, I will be a Colorado resident. And that makes me smile...so, see, it's been a good day!
8 AM
Tomorrow, at 8 AM, the movers are coming. They are coming to take as much stuff as possible which means we need to be pretty much packed up. Tonight will be the last night we will spend in our house before we move. Tonight will be the last time we will have people over to our house, the last time we will have a beer in our place, our home.
It's so hard to part with "home." I love our house, I will miss our house. I love our home even more. We both worked so hard to make the house become the home that we both treasure and care about so much. It was sad this morning when I realized it would be our last shower in the bathroom that we created, the one that caused some arguments and tears. It was the last time we would steal Liam into the shower to get some extra steam for his cough. We put a lot of work into our house, the bathroom, the kitchen, painting, decorating and it was finally feeling like ours. And that's all right, I can say good-bye to it. I can move on and look forward to doing this all to a new place. But we don't get to do that for a while - we will be renting. I don't miss renting, I don't miss worrying about holes in the walls or things like that. I wish we were buying a place, but soon enough. We will find something to make our own.
In the meantime, next Monday we will show up at a house and I will spend a week making it as home as possible for Sean to be there, for a month, without us. It made me so sad yesterday, to think about being away from him. I'll admit that I broke down, cried in his arms at the thought of not being with him. And then, good old Sean, put things into perspective for me. He reminded me about all the time we get to spend together in the next few weeks, then he explained that it was all math - in the end, it would only be a little longer than I usually am without him, factoring in the time we will spend together. And sure, logic helps, but it doesn't make it any easier.
So, tonight we will laugh and I'll probably cry, we might light our last fire in our place, we will fall asleep, at some point, hopefully for the last time in our home. And I'll wake up, knowing that my home goes with me, as long as my boys go as well!
It's so hard to part with "home." I love our house, I will miss our house. I love our home even more. We both worked so hard to make the house become the home that we both treasure and care about so much. It was sad this morning when I realized it would be our last shower in the bathroom that we created, the one that caused some arguments and tears. It was the last time we would steal Liam into the shower to get some extra steam for his cough. We put a lot of work into our house, the bathroom, the kitchen, painting, decorating and it was finally feeling like ours. And that's all right, I can say good-bye to it. I can move on and look forward to doing this all to a new place. But we don't get to do that for a while - we will be renting. I don't miss renting, I don't miss worrying about holes in the walls or things like that. I wish we were buying a place, but soon enough. We will find something to make our own.
In the meantime, next Monday we will show up at a house and I will spend a week making it as home as possible for Sean to be there, for a month, without us. It made me so sad yesterday, to think about being away from him. I'll admit that I broke down, cried in his arms at the thought of not being with him. And then, good old Sean, put things into perspective for me. He reminded me about all the time we get to spend together in the next few weeks, then he explained that it was all math - in the end, it would only be a little longer than I usually am without him, factoring in the time we will spend together. And sure, logic helps, but it doesn't make it any easier.
So, tonight we will laugh and I'll probably cry, we might light our last fire in our place, we will fall asleep, at some point, hopefully for the last time in our home. And I'll wake up, knowing that my home goes with me, as long as my boys go as well!
Monday, November 4, 2013
Crunch time
Yes, we are getting down to the wire here. Crunch time, or pack time, or just time to get our stuff out of our house and into the moving truck. It's kind of crazy that the moving truck is coming Wednesday. Starting on Wednesday, I will be living out of a suitcase for a month or longer. And then just a few days later, we will be moving the rest of our things out to Colorado. It's odd, I still don't feel like it is real. I don't know when that will happen, when it will feel real. Maybe when I get there? Maybe today when I pack up all my clothes? Maybe the day I leave Sean to come home? Maybe when I finally get out there at the end of the year? Or maybe it just won't feel real ever. I mean, after all, it is a dream come true, so perhaps it will just always feel like a dream. Or perhaps some day it will feel real. Soon, when I am getting ALL of our things into boxes and a truck, it will hit me.
My life is about to change, in a pretty huge way. The next month I will be spending away from my husband, my best friend, Liam's daddy. And I don't know how well I will do. I mean, I'll make it, I'm tough, when I want to be. But it will be hard, it will be hard to know that every time Liam wakes up, or needs something, it will fall on me. It will be hard to not have my person right next to me every night, it will be hard to not see his smiling face and hear his laugh. I know I will still talk to him, and see him, through the computer, but there is no way that can make up for him being with me. Guess I'm feeling a little bit bummed about this part of the trip. I am excited for the next couple of weeks and know I need to focus on that. I am dragging today, though, and I think it is because I am realizing how hard it will be to be away from Sean.
All right, but for now, that's enough. Time to move on, dinner tonight with the Foege's. My goal for tonight is packing up me and Liam. And my goal is get to some sleep and make sure that little Liam and I are healthy for our trip next week.
My life is about to change, in a pretty huge way. The next month I will be spending away from my husband, my best friend, Liam's daddy. And I don't know how well I will do. I mean, I'll make it, I'm tough, when I want to be. But it will be hard, it will be hard to know that every time Liam wakes up, or needs something, it will fall on me. It will be hard to not have my person right next to me every night, it will be hard to not see his smiling face and hear his laugh. I know I will still talk to him, and see him, through the computer, but there is no way that can make up for him being with me. Guess I'm feeling a little bit bummed about this part of the trip. I am excited for the next couple of weeks and know I need to focus on that. I am dragging today, though, and I think it is because I am realizing how hard it will be to be away from Sean.
All right, but for now, that's enough. Time to move on, dinner tonight with the Foege's. My goal for tonight is packing up me and Liam. And my goal is get to some sleep and make sure that little Liam and I are healthy for our trip next week.
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