...that's what I decided this year was going to be - the year of me. I'm not pregnant with no plans to be, I'm still nursing Cora, but not so much that I need it to be my sole focus, so it's time for me. It's time for me to shine again. It's been so long since I've focused on me, I forget how it goes sometimes, how hard it can be to get things done I want to get done, how easy it is to make excuses. After all, right now I am typing this and drinking a glass of wine instead of working out today...another day off, but...you know, it's still the year of me.
So, what am I going to do with this year, or what have I done so far? I found a great gym by my work with an awesome workout class that I have decided I will go to twice a week. It's 30 minutes each day and my butt is kicked...so tired after each week, it's awesome. I would love to try and do it 3 times a week, but it's too hard with my work. So, I have been getting in other workouts at lunch or rather doing work. I have been running again, well, or something that resembles running and have been loving it, I went a few times already this year, got in 3 miles as my top mileage and look forward to building on that and improving my running. So, I'm ready to be fit again, fit like I was before even Liam. I have a goal to be in the best shape of my life by 40, that gives me about 2 years to kick some more ass. I am confident if I keep up my workouts twice a week and my runs, and toss some yoga in there, I'll be well on my way to getting in the best shape I can be in.
And I want more, I want to climb again, I love climbing, I love getting so strong with my climbing. I want to get back to my pull ups and chin ups. I can almost do a chin up again, which is great. I have read that it should take you about 9 months to take off baby weight, the weight it took you 9 months to put on and while that's not happening for me, I'm using that weight to get stronger and I feel pretty great that I can almost do a chin up. Just makes me think that the more I lose, the stronger I get, the more pull ups and chin ups I can. And I love that feeling. I think I mentioned to someone that it's not even baby weight, it's just a weight vest, for training....it's the best way to look at it.
I have a very love/hate relationship with the scale - I'd rather just throw it out, but I can't. I wouldn't say I'm obsessed with it, but I kind of am. But the one good thing, I know I am more than that number...I am more than if that number goes up or down on a given day based on my sodium or water intake, but it's still a good measure. A better measure for me is my clothes. I have more and more clothes that I want to wear that actually fit each day, I spend less time worrying about how I look, I have been focusing on how I feel.
I feel strong again, I see muscles, my muscles are sore after workouts and runs and yoga. My knees hurt less and are stronger when I am walking around. I can lift and move better. I am getting there, always getting there. And I will always be on a journey to better myself, physically, mentally and emotionally, but right now, I'm in a good place.
I'm enjoying the journey this time. I'm remembering that 9 months ago I had a baby, Sean delivered a happy, healthy baby at home. And for 9 months I fed her and nourished her. At this point, so what if I'm not the weight I was before her, or all the clothes done fit, I kept her alive for 9 months, me, my body did that. And maybe I needed a little extra weight to do that, or I need to eat more, or whatever that might me, I did it. I am so proud of that, more proud that I ever thought I would be of that.
But now, now it's time to focus on me, focus on my journey to getting back to me. It's hard to remember what it's like to not be pregnant, to not be worried about my milk supply, to find myself again and what I love to do. And in looking for all of that, in doing all the things I love, my climbing, my snowboarding, working out, running...I find that all of that isn't even enough because, honestly, I am bored when my crazy, silly family isn't around. I went out earlier, to run a few errands and it was so quiet, so boring. Ha, I'm sure I will regret that in about 10 minutes when the kiddos get home.
But, to be honest, I think it was such a great thing, a great time for me to realize that on my search for my year of me, my family is a huge part of what makes me me. And I wouldn't trade that for the world. So, this year is about me finding me again, finding my fitness along the journey, enjoying and embracing the journey. I plan to grow, get stronger and make myself the best me I can be...and enjoy so many adventures along the way, adventures that I can keep up with, adventures that I'm in charge of...and adventures that mean the world to me.
So, I am so excited for 2016, I plan to embrace what I have and love me for me right now...and love everything I have in front of me and enjoy all moments, even if all my clothes don't fit and I don't reach a certain number on the scale, I vow to enjoy the journey and moments along the way...cheers to the year of me, the year of my wonderful life and family that I have been blessed with - and I don't plan to let a minute go by of that without being grateful each and every day.
