Be with someone who...

I'm not one to give relationship advice, I know each situation is different, I don't want anyone to ever think I know better than them when it comes to relationships, I have had my share of good ones, ha...sense a little sarcasm there.  But I think, last night, sitting here on the couch, looking into Sean's eyes, I think I realized a few things that I wish for everyone that I care about.  And here is my list - I'm sure there are more, but this is all I can rattle off right now.

Be with someone...

...who looks at you, deep in your eyes and tells  you he wants to make your dreams come true (last night, when I said to Sean that I can't believe we are moving to Colorado, he looked at me and just told me he wanted to make my dreams come true - how can I be so lucky to have a wonderful husband and family, and someone that wants to make MORE of my dreams come true).

...who looks at you, past all your flaws and when you are upset, they challenge you to stand up for what you really believe in and become even stronger (Sean has stood by me through some tough times while nursing Liam and while he asked a few times if I still thought it was best, he saw the passion I had when I talked about it and he has backed me up every since - even going to bat for me recently).

....who can make you laugh, no matter what, and especially at yourself. (so many times I get caught up in the stupid little things...and then I watch Sean with Liam and I watch them laugh and goof around, and the past few nights, I have laid in bed with Liam, and watched him crawl around and giggle...and he finally fell asleep, but many nights before, I was mad at Liam for not sleeping, giggles are much better than crying!).

....who does the little things, that aren't even things. (I used to always think I wanted flowers and notes and all that junk - and to embarrass Sean a bit, he does those things, I love the days I find little notes telling me how amazing he thinks I am, but these days I realize more and more that there are other things that are more important.  He has joined a few groups in Conifer to get us to meet people, he sent me a few links for churches, he does anything and everything that I don't even think about).

....who you can spend every minute, of every day with and not get sick of each other. (Granted I don't see Sean a lot, due to our work schedule, but the times we spend together, are so important and dear to me, especially since in a few weeks, we will be spending a month apart, but honestly, even on the days we are together, there is never enough time.  I want to spend every minute I can with him, laughing, talking, just being)

All right, well, I will stop for now, maybe too embarrassing and too revealing, but I think it took me a long time to find my right guy - and the wait was well worth it, Sean has given me everything I could have ever imagined and I can't wait to see what our future in Colorado holds, for him, for me, for Liam, for all of us!

So behind and busy...

...yeah, I don't know how much I feel behind in the whole packing thing, but in the blogging world, I have fallen FAR behind!  I don't even know where the time went.  It has been a busy few weeks, I have been terribly ill, and after a few doctor's appointments and a few phone calls about what I can and can't take while nursing, I am on the road to recover.  I feel a million times better and am ready to get back into the frame of mind of packing.  Ha, and so now I am sitting here typing this, when I should be packing.  Oh well...this is important - I haven't written in a while and I need to get a few things out.

To be terribly honest, I feel great about everything.  Our plane tickets are purchased and a plan is in place!  Sean, Liam and I will leave on Sunday, the 10th after Erik and Bethany's super awesome wedding.  We will drive for a while, stop and spend the night somewhere and then drive some more until we see our place.  I can't call it our home, for now, we are just going to be renting, for 6 months and go from there.  Part of me hopes it is perfect, I wouldn't want to move again and the place looks great, looks like so many possibilities for remodeling...whoa, getting a bit ahead of myself.  So, we will see our place, get there, meet the couple we are renting from, see the place and see the town.  And Liam and I will spend the week with Sean, unpack (hopefully I am more motivated to do that than the packing thing!) and hang out.  We will go home on Sunday and then we will miss Sean like crazy.  Liam and I will hopefully have a successful flight home and then a few busy weeks of work before I start to wrap things up.

Sean will be coming back on December 19, which means Liam gets the best present ever, to see Daddy after one long month!  And we will be here for the holidays and drive back out - and then we are moving to Colorado.  It still doesn't seem real.  But it is...and I can't say I am as nervous about it as I was...sure, there are a million things to figure out, but we will make it all work.

So excited!!

Yes, that's it, I am so excited, I am like a kid in the candy store, can't wait to get out to the mountains to see our place with Sean and Liam.  The drive will be long and I hope Liam will do well on the trip, but well, I don't even want to think about that, I just want to get there with Sean, to see our place, to see unpack a bit and to get settled.  It will be REALLY hard to leave again, but well, I will know what I have to look forward to.  So, our place is rented, set, we have someone committed, we are not messing around any more, we are set.  And we have a place to live, and we have movers and we just have to pack.  So, now it is list time for me...a great big to do list, might steal a dry erase board for that one, and get the list made and pack and go with it.  So, if you see me just giddy around, it's because I am so excited to take this next step!

Leave it to Sean!

Yep, that is my motto for this whole trip - I mean move.  I guess part of it for me will be a trip, but the rest of it will be an actual move.  We had our place rented out, but Sean had checked out all the options and discovered a company who will do some rent to own things.  And found a couple that loves our place.  Which means, over just the next few days, we will be "selling" our house.  That is crazy, how fast that all happened, how we went from nothing to renters, to sold.  And it just happened like magic - and that magic's name is Sean.  He had done an incredible job taking care of all the big things we need taken care of.  I am so impressed by his work to make our dream come true, I kind of feel like a slacker - I thought I was happy to have eliminated a Christmas crate.  So, it's time for me to get my butt in gear, I think, time for me to start making my keep, or something like that.  It's time to start packing up things I don't think we will need for the next 2 weeks and going from there.  It's time to get the house in order, so we know what needs to be packed, what needs to be given away and what needs to be thrown away.

And it's time to plan a party...at least I am hoping we will have time to squeeze one it...more details to follow on this, but yes, we need a big party, and we need to make sure that everyone that comes will be able to take something of ours home with them -you know, as a reminder, ha!  It's time to be excited to see our new place, to reinvent ourselves if we want to, to be in the moutains!  Woo hoo!  I am so excited!

Getting there...

Yes, we are getting close.  We are working on packing - it is hard to be motivated to do it.  I always end up just standing around and finding something else to clean, or look at or something.  I need to get better at that.  The movers are coming on November 6.  That's 2 weeks from tomorrow.  Holy cow, I just realized that we are down to 2 weeks.  And we have so much to do.  Time to get back on track to one thing a night.  A few nights ago, I got my holiday decorations in order...that was a good feeling.  I just need to keep that momentum going.  We were on track today and then we had company...which is great, I like having company, I like hanging out with people who are excited for us, and to hear about our move.  It seems like we are going to run out of time for that, though.  Well, I might not, but Sean will.  So, I have to remember to share him, as much as I don't want to, as much as I want to spend all the time I have left with him, just with him, I have to remember to share.  I hope I will remember that over the next couple of weeks.  Wow, a couple of weeks.  That is SO soon!

I am still waiting to figure out if I am going to join Sean and help him unpack, if I will drive out with him and Liam or if I will fly out and meet him there, or if I will stay here and hang out and miss him while he gets settled.  There are pros and cons to both.  I'm sure Liam and I will be a little less than helpful out there, but then again, it will be really nice to be out there, drive up to see our place together, take Liam to the house together, unpack, check out the town and maybe even sneak away to do a quick hike before Sean has to start work.  But then again, it will probably be easier for me to stay home.  I have a HUGE event the following week and it will be tough to be out of the office but it will be worth it, I think.  I think I have to make sure I get a ride home from the airport and then I will book the ticket - and we are moving...in 2 weeks!  I still can't really believe it, that we will be residents of Colorado in just 2 weeks - well, technically, I will still be here for a while, but since Sean will be in Colorado, that is where my heart will be!  :)

3 and 1/2 weeks

That is how much longer Sean will be here with Liam, Burton and I.  3 and 1/2 weeks to soak up every single minute I can of my best friend because I will be away from him for about a month, maybe even longer.  I am sure once get the whole plan figured out, I will be counting down the days.  I think the longest we have been away from each other since we met has been 10 days.  But this will be 3 times longer than that.  Oh well, I have to remember that it will all be worth it.  It is kind of a needed step in this process to make sure we can pay the first few months of bills.  Plus, Sean will be working tons the first month, so I would barely see him anyways.  But not seeing him at all...I don't want to dwell on it now, like I said, just focusing on the times we have together.

It has been decided, I will spend the time I am here at my parents.  I had a talk with Liam and told him he needed to start sleeping better because Dot and Papa don't want to be awake all night long like mommy and daddy.  So, just a few more plans to work out and then we are set.  I was lazy last night and didn't get to any packing, but thinking I will work on that a bit tonight and already have help coming over on Friday night.  We will get there.  We will get packed.  Wow, we are moving, it is starting to sink in more and more and I wanted to spend some time thinking about all the things I am excited about.

I am excited to see Sean, I haven't even had to say good bye to him yet, but I am excited to be reunited with him and have Liam see him again.  I know we will skype or whatever will be easiest, but it still will be hard to be away from him...no good night kisses, no good morning cuddles, but we will make it.  I will have Liam and my parents around, I am more worried about him.  The good thing is that he will be busy, either unpacking or working, and he isn't like me, he won't sit around and think and think until he is upset by how much he misses his little guy.  He will keep himself busy.

I am excited to see our place, the pictures look nice, at least nice enough for us to be there for a few months to figure out if it is the place for us.  I am excited to sit on our deck and look at the views, I am excited to lay outside and see the millions of stars.  I am excited to take a short drive to get to an amazing hike.  I am excited to explore the town we are going to be living in.  I am excited to be on our own.   While it will be hard and scary to be away from friends and  family, it's a chance for us to be whatever we want to be.  It's a chance to not be judged for the way we want to raise Liam, or the way we want to live our lives.  It's an open book.  It's the next chapter of our lives!

And most people would argue that the first chapters were pretty great, why change things now.  And I agree, I am concerned that we shouldn't have changed what was working, that we could have stayed here and been fine, but I also think that life is about living.  This is something I learned from Sean...to always strive for more.  Which is a good thing and a bad thing.  We could have lived a perfectly happy life here, but I think we both would have felt like something was missing.  And this is what is missing.  All of my dreams are coming true, I have my wonderful husband who is my best friend, I have a wonderful little monster and now we are going west.  It is scary and thrilling to "live" life and not just go through the motions...so, if the next few weeks are hard, I can make it, I can keep myself busy enough to not miss Sean every moment of my time here...I just need to remind myself of that in 3 and 1/2 weeks when we part our ways!

Packing has begun

I got home today to find my house in a bit of a mess, a small, somewhat organized mess, pretty much assuming it will be in that state for the next few weeks.  But that means packing has begun, Sean starting getting a few things in crates and boxes.  Things are getting packed up, pictures are off the walls and it still seems a bit not real to me.  I wonder when it will feel real...when all of our things are packed up in our trailer, when Sean is in Colorado and I am still here, when I am living out of a suitcase for now with Liam and Burton.  Or maybe it won't be real until I actually move out there and leave my job.

See, while I would love to join Sean in less than a month in Colorado, it is just in our best interest to not do that.  I wouldn't have a job, our insurance (with Sean) wouldn't kick in for 30 days after he starts his job.  And well, had we sold our house, we could probably get by for a few months without me having a job, but that didn't happen.  So, I will stay here, keep working and keeping our insurance.  I will keep my salary and we will keep some money in our savings, but boy, it is going to be hard, hard to be away from Sean, as my husband and best friend and especially as Liam's daddy.  And I am sure it will be hard for him to be away.  I'm sure there will be plenty more blogs on that as we get closer to that and while it is happening.  But for now, I am going to enjoy the nights I have with Sean, whether it be packing, lounging around, cleaning or spending the night making baby food - Liam is stocked up, huge back of carrots, giant container of spinach, 5 avocados and 4 sweet potatoes - hoping that will keep him full for a while!  But again, the hard times will be worth it!

And yes, I still wonder if we are doing the right thing.  But it is happening, we made an educated decision and followed our hearts.  I am hoping that we will find our inner strength to stand on our own and create a life that we both dream of.

Minor freakout

 Yes, I will admit that I had my first minor freak out yesterday.  I took the day off to spend with Sean and Liam.  We were going to go to the zoo, but instead spent the day running some errands and taking care of more things around the house, which was much needed.  I don't think there are going to be enough days left to do all the things we want to do, but so be it.  I had a moment where I had to reel Sean back in - tell him that maybe we need to slow things down and make sure this place we found is really right for us.  Maybe it is too far into the mountains for us right now, with our jobs...maybe it will be too expensive, maybe we should look at something smaller and closer for now.  I guess when I was talking about it, I had my tone.  I think I was just being serious, but I will take Sean's word for it.  And it was upsetting to him.

Now, we hadn't really talked about this place, we texted about it, he moved forward on it without me seeing it due to me being out of town.  And I trusted and still do trust that he made the right decision, I just wanted to talk about it.  A large chuck of our savings is going to go towards a deposit and first and last month rent.  It all makes sense, that they want that much, and when I think about it, we are only really down the money of the pet deposit when it is all said and done, but it just freaked me out a bit to shell so much of our savings out.  But it's done at this point - well, actually, we are hoping that the references she called convinced her to rent to us and then it will be done.  I do really want this place, I liked it a lot, especially for not having seen it.  And I feel better about the money situation after Sean and I talked about it.  So, see, just a minor freak out - there was no yelling, or no crying - I feel at peace with our move and every now and then wonder if we are doing the right thing.  Then, I see Liam - I watch him explore and learn so many things from his surroundings.  I want him to have more chances to explore and learn more about nature, to feel at home in it like Sean and I do - and have the chance to do it each day.  I know people still think we are crazy, I think it sometimes as well, but in the end, it is what my heart is telling me to do.

My job

I love my job.  I really do.  I had an amazing day today being a part of a selection committee for the National Games for Unified Soccer.  I work with amazing people, the athletes and partners were amazing and I got to hang out on the field at Toyota Park.  So, yeah, I love my job.  So, it's funny I am leaving it.  I am worried about who will take over, will they be as good with the coaches as I like to think I am.  Will they enjoy the job as much as I do?  Will they do all the extra things I tend to be a part of?  Is it even my business?  Nope, not at all - I am leaving and have no say in what happens after me.  I also thought SOILL was my place to be, my place to make a difference, but I am starting to think there are other things for me.  I do think that if I stayed here, I could be part of the future of this organization and that feels great.  But maybe there is more out there...in this field, or in special Olympics.  Maybe the Colorado job will work out, maybe this random PE teaching job will work out, who knows what will work out, but there is one thing I know and learned today.  No matter what my job is, what state I am in, Special Olympics will always be a huge part of my life.  If I don't get the job, I will volunteer, either as a coach or at an event....I will not lose this part of my life that means so much to me.  I will not let this move take that away from me.  I know the few things I am passionate about and I was reminded even more of that today.  So, yes, I am leaving my job, but I am not leaving Special Olympics, it will always be a part of my life.

Phew, I started this blog feeling sad about my job, about having to leave the people I work with and what I do, and I have turned it around to a positive - I  like that the task of that is getting easier and easier.  I feel at peace with our decision, I'm not upset, I haven't cried much about it - at least lately (by the way, I am guessing that means a good freak out is coming, every time I think I feel good about things, a few days later, I have major issues - should make a great blog!) and I just feel all right with everything.  Sean has done a great job renting out our place, finding us a new place - did I talk about that yet?  The 3 decks and screened in porch?  Anyways, yes, I feel at peace and I feel so ready to make this move, even knowing how hard it will be!

I told my grandma today - she didn't believe me for a while - then she said something to me that I remember my grandpa said to me a few years ago - Colorado is beautiful - it's God' country.  Yep, that's where we are going and I know my grandpa, my special pal, will be watching over us!  And I also know that Papa and Liam are going to be special pals, just like we were!

A new home

Yes, we have a new home...well, we will shortly.  We found a place to rent and Sean did such a good job convincing her to rent to us, she is!  Without meeting us!  Which also means we haven't seen the place in person either, but in Sean's world, it is perfect - a pretty big 2 car garage and plenty of space.  I was a fan of the tiny "A" frame house for half the price, but not Sean, he dreams big!  And well, just look where it got us up until now!  So, we are sending in money to rent a place - forgot how much renting kind of stinks due to all the upfront costs you need to pay, seems almost like a down payment.  And if we like it, they think maybe they would let some of that money go towards a down payment.  That was my idea - every now and then I have a good one!  So, here we go - our place is rented, and we have a place.  Sean has done a great job of planning and figuring all these things out, it just all seemed to fall into place.  And now, now we can make a plan!  Woo hoo, a travel plan - how do we get our stuff there and all of that.  I can't wait, I am excited for that part.  It makes me feel great we have somewhere to live!  And I am pretty sure she mentioned that you can see Pikes Peak from one of the decks - I can't wait already!

Facebook knows!

Yes, Sean decided yesterday that it was time to tell facebook.  He told his work, I told most of mine and well, I guess all that was left to do was tell facebook.  I haven't put it on my page yet, I have a couple people I plan on calling tomorrow to tell and then after that - it will be officially on facebook!  And while we have been keeping this little secret, we have made some great progress.  We have rented our house to a couple that will be married in April - they seem really nice, liked our place a lot, liked the style - see Sean, I have some style!  So, yes, step one - rent the place - done - they signed an 18 month lease, so that will take us to next spring, in case we want to sell and hopefully, maybe this couple will want to buy.  So, check - our place is taken care of.

Then it comes time for us to find a place.  We have looked and looked and it has been fun.  So much more fun that looking for houses around here.  There are places with amazing mountain views, decks around houses, and land - so much land!  So, today, Sean found a place - a nice place, in an area we liked enough to live there for at least 6 months.  And we are moving forward with it - trying to secure it with a deposit.  Yes, we are moving forward and at what seems like lightening speed at this point.  It is all very exciting.

But it still doesn't feel real.  It didn't feel real telling people yesterday, getting hugs of excitement and sadness that I would be leaving my job.  And I told everyone it was a hard decision to leave my job, I loved it, I will also love it, but the mountains are calling and we are going - and I can't wait.  Now it is time to get back on track with simplifying our stuff - getting rid of things and figuring out the best way to move our things out there.  We have a few options in mind, maybe movers, maybe getting a trailer ourselves and going from there, maybe a storage pod.  But as we move forward the biggest thing, the house is taken care of.  We are renting it out on November 15, in a way, I don't mind not selling it.  I know that sounds silly, but this was our first house, so many firsts in here that it would be really hard to sell.  It would be hard to say good bye to our house on top of everything else.  And I know that sounds silly, I really do.  We don't plan on coming back to live here, so it probably won't be ours, but this will at least be a slow process of me letting go...or something like that.

So, all in all, we are just rolling along, things seem to be falling into place, which already makes some things less stressful, which hopefully means less freak outs from Sean - er, I guess maybe I mean from me!

Antsy

I'm getting antsy.  I want to tell people, I want to know what our plan is, at least tentatively and I am getting antsy.  We have told some people, just close people, but I want it to be public information - you know, like facebook!  Then it's for real.  Maybe it still doesn't feel real to me because it's not on facebook.  I was just thinking today about Liam's first birthday, about the fact that we might not be here for that.  Or the fact that Sean might not be here for it.  And that is hard, but we have to remember why we are doing it.  We aren't doing it for the right now, the right now is hard.  We are doing it for the years down the road when we want to take Liam to climb his first 14er (Sean would prefer that to be sooner than years down the road), or when we take a day trip to hike a bit of Maroon Bells, or a trip snowboarding, that is bigger than 2 hills.  That's what we are doing this for.

Right now we are in a bit of a holding pattern.  We have a few good options for the house - looking to rent, but we (maybe just me) are a bit leary of that - of trusting other people to take care of our house, of having a property a few states away.  But there is still a small hope someone will buy it.  And if they don't, at this point, we will at least be getting some money, so, it's something.

I guess I am just ready, ready to head out there and find a place to live, ready to pack our stuff up and most importantly, ready to tell people.  It will be really hard telling people I work with, I have told a few and got tears as a result.  My rule is no tears right now, I am going to be around for a while, there will be plenty of time for tears.  But as I look at the calendar, here we go, about 6 weeks until Sean leaves, we best start getting a plan in place!