Selling and packing

At this point, we still don't know details.  All we know is that Sean will start on November 13.  He also most likely found a place to crash for a few weeks while he is out there without me, if that is how things pan out.  We have a few options and I think it's best for me if I lay them out in front of us.

Best case scenario - I get a call from SOCO over the next few weeks telling me they want to hire me and that we are flexible with a start date.  I would stay in IL until the end of the year, just a month without Sean will be hard, but in the big picture, it will be so worth it.  We would sell our house with a close date of November 1, but would negotiate and extra week to get things packed up.  We would rent a giant pod for our things to get from here to Colorado.  Our items would be stored in that pod until we get our place out there finalized.  I would go with Sean out to CO at some point to look at some places and if it works out, even go out when he does to move into our place.  Then I would come back here, work until the end of the year and hope that Sean can come back here for a few days around the holidays or Liam's birthday.  That's at least part of a plan -  it is so hard with so many unknowns at this point!

We also have lined up a few people that might be interested in renting.  I would love to sell, but at least this is a decent enough option to not lose money on the house.  Additionally, a few people that looked at it are thinking about the rent to own option, so we will see how that all pans out.

But for now, I think it is time to just keep selling and downsizing things.  We have accumulated so many things over the past few years that it is time to really go through things and get rid of them.  I also have to remember that there is going to be a lot of hard work over these next few weeks.  I look at my calendar and November 13 is getting closer and closer.  It seems like we have to stop putting things off and start making things happen.  Sean needs to figure out his car situation, we need to get our garage empty of all that stuff, I need to go through many crates in the basement  and we need to go through closets...see all the things we are going to move and all the things we are going to get rid of.  I think we are at a good starting point, but I feel like we are going to need to accomplish at least something each day - and perhaps that will be my plan. To make a list of things I need/want to do and make it happen - oh yeah, and to get off my lazy butt and start working out - after all, I am going to be moving to Colorado - everyone is fit there - I want to be a part of that!  Time to get some work done - and continue to figure things out with our packing and selling!

Now what?

We have our decision made, so now what?  Last night we had a very nice celebration dinner with my parents, it was great to chat about all kinds of things and hear all the questions and just enjoy the time together.  But now, now it has to be action time.  We don't have a lot of time left before Sean leaves and plenty to figure out.  We are going to be getting rid of a few things, bigger items, hopefully this weekend.  I feel like once we get some space to work with we can really start to tackle packing.  Wow, we are packing up our lives to move them across the country.  No longer does the thought of that scare me, it just excites me to see what it going to lie ahead of us.  Sure, there are plenty of things to worry about, but there always will be plenty to worry about.  I have been having dreams about Colorado the past few weeks and last night was so different - last night I dreamt that I got my dream job with SOCO.  The moment was so clear in the moment of my dream that I woke up not sure if it has happened.  I don't know who I was hugging when they told me the news, so I am pretty sure it was all a dream.  But maybe just another dream to come true.  

As the amount of days we have lessen, the amount of time spent sitting around will also lessen.  Tonight I am guessing we will work to get things ready for Saturday, emptying out items we will be selling, perhaps moving them up to the garage and going from there.  Someone is coming today to look at our house to rent, so at least we have that in our back pocket - it's not ideal, but it's us bringing in money for our house.  It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, we could somehow figure out how to keep a few things there at least.  

I think right now my main goal is to stay as relaxed about everything as I can.  I remind myself everyday that Liam can feed off my stress and I don't need a stressed out 9 month old.  It hasn't been too hard to keep myself in a good place, but I know that will change.  I just have to keep in mind the big picture of what we are doing and why we are doing it.  And when I stop to do that, I smile...

Decision made

Yes, we did it, we made a decision.  I guess we made a decision a while ago, I was just pretending it wasn't final.  I'm not sure why...maybe I'm a little worried that if I get too excited about our decision it will all crumble apart, maybe I fear that after I tell people, I will have to once again tell them it isn't true and we aren't going.  But yesterday I told my parents and while it was hard, my mom was very understanding - told me she was pretty sure we were going to go all along.  Ha, so much for keeping a secret from them, right?  Never learn to keep secrets from your parents.  So, yes, we made our decision, we are moving to Colorado!  Woo hoo, I want to be in the excited stage - I don't want to be worried or scared anymore - time for excited.  We have set out our lists, now it's time to make a plan and go from there!  Time for a plan - I' excited, the ball is rolling, so follow along for tears, laughs and I'm sure plenty of blunders!  All because we are choosing the path less traveled and we are hoping it will make all the difference!

Mixed signs

I spent my morning at a funeral - a very sad funeral.  I get it, most funerals are sad, no one ever enjoys them and well, at the end of the day, there is most likely lots and lots of crying.  Today was no exception.  I was reminded of quite a few things today and then presented with an interesting decision.  A Special Olympics athlete passed away very unexpectedly.  I knew him, but worked closer with him mom.  It was so hard to go and hug her and tell her anything that would comfort her.  It was a reminder to go home and appreciate each minute I have with my family.  What else did I get out of the service?  Friends and family are so important to life, so keep them close to you.  I also was realizing how short life can be and how you just have to go for what you want.

So, where does that leave me?  Does that leave us selling our house and packing up to move to Colorado - going for what we want?  Or does that leave us staying here, comfortable in our lives and close to our family?  If I listen the message I received today, I am then still torn.  Do we take a chance and go for it?  Do we jump into the unknown, feel scared about our decision and make it happen?  Or do we know where we will end up in 10 years?  I mean, let's be honest, if we stay here, we know what will happen to us.  We know what our future holds.  And it isn't bad, the life we have isn't bad, the 10 years down the road won't be bad.
But maybe it's time to change our course.  Maybe it's time to not be sure where we will be in 10 years, except for together.  I heard that song today - home is wherever I'm with you...so, in the end, it doesn't matter where Sean and I end up, as long as we are together, with Liam, of course.

And now for details as to where we are.  Yesterday we had someone come and look at our house.  She seemed to like it, needed to chat with her roommate and hope we will hear back from them.  We also met with a realtor who gave us some suggestions and ideas - and gave us more of an idea of what we are thinking we can sell the house for.  It was a bit depressing as we hoped we could make a wee bit of money on the house, but at this point, we are hoping to just break even.  Another reason I am hoping these first people buy the house, we might make a little bit of money on it.  We like to think it is the perfect house for the perfect person, just like it was for us.  I mean, we bought it after it was on the market for a week.  So, we will see - fingers crossed, but I also know the likelihood of the first people seeing our house will take it.  But I can send good thoughts into the universe, right?

So, for now, we are downsizing, selling things, getting rid of things and moving lots of things out of the house to make it look more appealing to buyers. Wow, someone is going to buy our house.  Maybe - or at least hopefully.  And we are going to move.  And far.  I feel like I want to get passed all the logical thinking we are doing and be excited about this all.  But a part of me keeps thinking and wondering if we are making the right step for us.  I certainly don't feel like it's the wrong thing to do, but how come I have so many questions.  I like to think it is because we are being smart, we are covering all of our basis.  But in some ways it just doesn't feel real to me.  It still feels like we are deciding and yes, we can change our minds at any time, but I don't really think that is the case.  I think we are doing it, I think we are going to move.  Which means I should get up and start doing something, but it was an exhausting day, it's time for me to finish up here and go cuddle my little guy and remember how lucky I am to have the amazing family I have, no matter where we are.

Start date

Yes, we have an official start date for Sean.  November 13.  Which is coming up, but still enough time to figure things out - or at least I think so.  We have another list - a list of things to do around the house and it looks like we will be busy this weekend in hopes of getting the house presentable for a realtor, who is coming on Sunday and then our house will be for sale.  Huh, that makes all of this pretty final and set...for now at least. We are going to sell our house.  The thought of this makes me a bit sad.  We worked hard on our house and I think it has turned out quite nice!  We had more projects planned, but I guess at this point, we can let those go and find a new house to tackle.  It will be sad to sell the house, it was our first house, the first place we actually lived together on our own, where we got Burton and of course, where we brought Liam home to.  I remember the first night we spent on the floor in the living in our sleeping bags - in front of the fire place (in my mind we started a fire, but I might be making that up!).  At that point, we were excited about our future and the possibilities in front of us.  And to be honest, I was never sure our dream to move to Colorado was going to happen.

But that is one, of the many, amazing things about Sean.  He has a dream or an idea and he does whatever he can to make it happen.  He doesn't like to be in the same place for too long - which in a way, had me scared at some points, what if the life he had with me was in "the same place" for too long and he would want to change that, and find a new life.  He doesn't like when I say that out loud, so I am sure he will be even more mad that I typed it...but no longer do I feel that.  I know that no matter where Sean and I end up, we will be happy together, forever.

This is a HUGE task we are taking on, and it will be TONS of work, we both know that.  I actually feel like yesterday and today will be my last few relaxing days or quite some time.  But we also know that when Sean and I work together on something, we can do some amazing work.  I think that is easily seen in our biggest accomplishment to date - the kitchen remodel!  I mean, we just killed that project!  Oh wait, I guess we have something a bit bigger than that that we worked on together - our little Liam (who, in our eyes is no longer little).  What an amazing little man we have on our hands - he has so much personality already that I am in trouble!  But what is life without a little trouble from the boys in my life!  So, off we go, relaxing and hanging out tonight, and start working tomorrow, time to get everything in action and make this move!

Oh yeah, and details about me are still to be determined.  When I go out there will depend on when the house sells, when I get a job and all that fun stuff.  Fingers crossed for the house at this point - the rest, we can figure out!  Let's sell this house!

Lists

I'm a list maker - something I make lists about the lists I need to make.  So, when Sean told me got offered the job, I started a million lists in my head...things we have to do, things we have to sell, pros, cons, etc.  And then I stopped and tried to see what I actually felt about moving.  Honestly, I am scared, so scared and excited, so excited.  I get caught up in my head about the things we will do while we are there, forgetting the things we have to do before we leave.  I think about if we will rent or buy, or when I will go out and join Sean, when I really need to focus on getting myself a job and selling our house.  And just when I start to think about the reality of it all, my mind wanders yet again...

What do we think we are doing?  We are going to pick up our lives, with a 9 month old baby and dog and move across the country, hours and miles away from our support systems that we have in place.  Hours and miles away from the only people I have left Liam with (yes, I know, I need to work on that one!).  Hours and miles from anything and everything familiar to us.  And for what?  This is the hard part to explain, so here is my best attempt.

I feel at a peace in Colorado that I really don't feel here.  I am sure I can find it other places, but the nature to be had in Colorado is not around here.  I feel something in my being calmer when I am there.  I feel happier.  And yes, I get it, everytime I am there, I am on vacation, so everyone feels happier on vacation.  But with me, I feel something different, something I want Liam to know and have.  See, the mountains put me in my place.  They remind me of just how small and insignificant me and my problems are, they humble me and teach me to respect what they have to offer.  Just the sight of them takes my breath away and  planning a journey to hike or climb is a whole different situation.  You can feel so accomplished after a great hike or so defeated after the mountain reminds you who is boss.  In my mind, there is nothing like that feeling, both of those feelings.  I have learned so much about myself in the short time I have spent in the mountains, that I only feel being closer to them will complete me in some way.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my life I have here.  I love my family, my friends, our house.  I just don't love that it is so hard to find something to do.  And such, it will be hard to get out and do all the things we want to with Liam.  And if this all falls through and we never move, I will be happy and content here, I will not regret not going, as long as I have Sean and Liam by my side, I will be happy wherever.

So, the question comes up - are these the right signs?  Is Sean getting offered this job enough of a sign to make us go?  My job didn't come through, our house isn't sold (granted we have just started to try to sell it), Sean's back is acting up, are those signs not to go?  When, in life do you stop looking at signs and start believing that you can make it happen, no matter what the signs say?  Looks like the start to another list!  For now, we are moving, we don't know when, we don't know how, we don't know much about it, but we are going...and my fingers are crossed we are making the right decision.  And a little more soul searching will remind me that I know the right decision, and Sean, Liam and I will figure it out and live happily ever after, no matter where!

Decision time

Yes, it is time for us to make probably one of the biggest decisions in our lives.  Isn't it funny how at times, it seems like everything big is the biggest decision of your life - get married, buy a house, have a baby...and then looking back, they aren't really that big of a deal.  But this, this is big.  Sean got the job - I'm so proud of him - he made them want to hire him, he had all the right smarts and he got himself a job - in Colorado.  A paying job, a pretty well paying job...so, now what?  Do we go?  Do we just do it?  Do we pass on this and stay where we are, unhappy by the things around us to do, but happy as a whole?  Will moving allow us to explore and play and have the life we dream about?  Or will real life bog us down and it will be like we are still here in Illinois?  What do we do?

Sean told me to ponder it for a while, and I have been pondering since I heard.  I am excited, I want to tell people, I want to talk about it, but I'm trying to keep it hush, hush.  But we only have 3 days to decide.  Only 3 days to decide if we want to up and leave our life for the dream we both have.  3 little days to figure out if we are doing what is best for Liam or if we are setting ourselves up for failure.  3 days to figure out how we will best sell our house, pack our things and move our lives to the mountains.  3 days.

I want to say yes, let's do it.  Let's take a chance and do it.  After all, nothing is final - we can come back if we needed to.  True, I wouldn't have a job, but we can come back and figure out something.  But then why go?  I don't plan on coming back - I don't plan on giving up everything to come back here to nothing.  But if it happens, is that the worst thing in the world?

I don't know, I want to go, I really do, but I want to know it will work out, I want to know I can get a job, I want to know we will make the move, sell the house, find a place to be happy.  I want there to be more knowns.  And that is impossible.  There is no way to know the future.  So, do I stay here, content with my life or do we go and take a chance to have an adventure everyday.  3 days to decide....

Visions vs. Realities

Yesterday was such a fun day, was out shopping with Liam and Dot in the rain, hung out with my parents for a bit and despite the fact that Liam didn't take any long naps, he was in a good mood.  Of course, until crabby time, about 5:00, when I decided I was going to put together his standing toy, so I could put him in it while I cleaned my dresser and closet.  See, I plan (move or no move) to pair down my belongings, especially my clothes, most of it that hasn't been worn in years.  And then, if I had time, I make some cookies.  

Then I open the box and sit Liam down.  And I made sure to take out all the light up parts and put batteries in them, so Liam would have something fun to play with.  Of course, he is already surrounded with his regular toys on the ground.  And then he cries and cries and screams.  And of course, I am frustrated, trying to get this thing put together and all Liam wants to do is play with the screw driver.  And I'm stuck, the pieces aren't going together, the kid is crying, and soon, I start to cry.  Uh oh, here we go, falling down the cliff.  I call Sean and am upset, then get upset with him.  I know Liam is over tired and needs to sleep - so I feed him and he dozes in my lap.  Awesome, so helpful.  I move around him to continue to put this thing together.  Success - mostly.  Then Liam wakes up and is even madder than he was before.  I try to feed him food this time, calm him down and just about anything.  No luck at all.  He finally is content for a few minutes sitting in my lap while I try to put this this together.  And then he is done...and I am done too.  I finished and put him in it...hoping for a few minutes where he will be distracted and I can pull myself together for bedtime.  But no, he just screams...great, he hates it, I wasted my time, and I can't even get anything done tonight.  Great.  So, I take him out, sit with him and wonder why he is so upset, why am I so upset, what happened between the time I got home and now to throw me into this mess.  Oh yeah, I made a plan.  I made a plan to get something done and Liam wanted nothing to do with it.

So, we proceeded to bed time...which was at least an hour, half of it screaming the other half was probably me doubting my motherly instincts and abilities.  Ugh.  So, yeah, I had a vision of what was going to happen and look how that turned out.  I also have a vision of Colorado.  Of the mountains in our backyard, of morning hikes through the woods, of a fire place and snowy adventures.  And then I wonder about the reality.  Packing up all we have and moving, starting over, being alone.  How will we do it?  How will I handle those stresses?  Better than these?  

So, again, I fell down hard last night, hard.  And I got up this morning and I am going to try again.  I am going to push past this little cold I have and I am going to enjoy the next few days I have with Sean and not get upset when things done happen as planned...if this baby has taught me anything, is that plans can be a waste of time - I think I need to just start looking at things a little different - no plans - just ideas.  Right now, the ideas are still of Sean getting a call today with a great offer so we can move forward with the next step in our wonderful life.  

Dreams

I sit here tonight and fight drifting off to sleep, watching the Men's Soccer game, they dream of qualifying for the World Cup tonight.  And they can, and it's looking like they might.  And I starting thinking about my dreams.  So many of my dreams in life have come true.  I stumbled into a job I love and couldn't imagine my life with Special Olympics being a part of it.  I have found the most wonderful husband, father and man I could have ever asked for.  I have a pretty darn amazing, and challenging baby, who is growing up each day before my eyes.  I have a great dog, a house that I like and am surrounded by more wonderful family and friends that I could have ever imagined.

And I am so grateful for all of it.  Sure, I have my moments where I take it for granted, where I forget the important things, that my baby is happy and healthy, that my husband loves me more than humanly possible, but for the most part, I wake up each day, or go to bed each night grateful for what I have.  I know I am lucky, even though I am upset that I don't sleep much due to my little guy.  I still know how lucky I am when he cries to know that he has healthy lungs - and yes, they are healthy.

I am so lucky to have a husband who listens to me when I talk or cry, who calmly handles me when I yell about things out of everyone's control, who explains to me in this same calm way, that maybe I am being a little crazy and somehow gets me to see his point of view - sometimes.  I have a husband who knows how hard I am working to do the best I can for Liam and it has been a struggle.  I have a husband who understands how hard certain things have been with Liam, his birth, our breastfeeding journey, just to name a few.  He has supported me through my tears, my struggles and my triumphs.  And I hope to think I have done the same for him.

So, with all of this that I have going for me, do I really get to have all my dreams come true and do I get to live this great and wonderful life in the mountains?  That's the plan we have set in front of us.  Those are the thoughts we are sending into the universe.  Am I being greedy?  Am I asking for too much?  Shouldn't I just be happy where I am?

Sean is a seeker - his brother read a great best man speech about how Sean is a seeker - always looking to improve, looking for a better situation, looking to grow and learn more.  And at some point, that concerned me - what if I wasn't enough, what if Sean needed to seek more?  What do I do?  Well, that has never been the case, he has continued to seek new jobs, new adventures, but never a new me.  He has wanted me with him through it all.  So, at some point, recently, we talked about being stagnant.  And that is where we are.   We are happy, we are content, but is there more for us?  Are we just standing still if we don't try to move or advance ourselves in some way or another?  Maybe...but does that mean a move cross country is the answer.

We will see, we will see if all our dreams come true and the mountains too.  Right now, the thoughts are out there - extra pay for Sean, a moving stipend and some rent money for a few months.  So right now, we wait, we wait to see if the CEO liked Sean enough today, we wait to hear some news - good news so we can make our decision and start this crazy journey.

But don't get me wrong, I am still very grateful for everything I have - even if I am only getting about 2 hours of sleep at a time - I am in bed next to my favorite guys, waking up to cuddle them and love them...so, wherever the future takes me, as long as I have that with me, I am more than thrilled!

Stress and Clutter

Ugh, I hate stress, I hate it more than I hate clutter - well, no I think I hate clutter more, because for me, clutter causes stress.  A messy closet, a night stand full of this and that, a desk with papers all over - that is clutter for most, but for me, it equals stress.  My work is a cluttered mess and so is my house, at times.  My dresser has had piles of clothes on it since the beginning of the summer because I haven't packed away my maternity clothes yet.  And my closet is so full and always had a pile in front of it, it is terrible.  So, this weeks mission - or the next few weeks.  De-clutter and therefore de-stress.  I need it, BAD!  My mind is so cluttered with thoughts of moving, of just wanting to up and leave, just leave it all behind, I am lost in it.  In my own clutter.  My head is cluttered, I can't seem to focus on things, I just think about moving.  I am thinking about uprooting and turning out lives upside down in every possible way, then I close my eyes and see the mountain views, I feel the mountain air and I hope beyond all hopes that our projections in the universe will come true - double pay for Sean, moving expenses and even some rent for a few months when we get there.  I know, dreaming big.  I know, outlandish.  But at times, I think the whole idea is a little bit outlandish.  And sometimes I just want to put my head down and take a nap and dream about moving, about the fun part of it all.  Not about the work part of it.  And maybe the nap is due to my lack of sleep...but I think my heart is already dreaming of something different.  My heart wants to move.  My soul wants to feel the mountain air.  My body wants something different.

Ugh, just ugh...I need a decision to be made soon.  I need to get my head in one place, not both.  I need us to find out soon about Sean's job, if we are going to do it, if we are going to take a chance and jump into the land of unknown or if we are going to stay put, always wanting more.  Tomorrow, another important day in the journey - tomorrow, we will be one step closer to knowing more.   Until then, double pay, moving expense and some living expenses.  Let's figure this life of ours out!

More waiting

Friday, September 6 - Sean got a call on Wednesday.  It was from the Donor company in CO.  They called and sounded like they really liked him, however, he had to meet with the CEO - they don't hire anyone who doesn't meet with the CEO.  She happens to be in Chicago next Tuesday, so he will meet with her then.  So many questions - what does that mean?  Is she the final answer?  Do they already know they want to hire him and now this is just a formality?  Or are there more people that need to meet with her?  I guess we just wait.

And then on Thursday, I get a phone call.  Nope, not from SOCO, but from Jen, who got the job in Colorado.  She called to tell me that another job in the state office opened up and as soon as she gets the information, she will send it my way.  I also found out she told a few other people, so I feel a little less special, but I am glad she was thinking of me.  She knows about our possible move, Brooke knows about our possible move and a few family members know.  Other than that, I have decided to keep it on the down low.  I feel like we have gone through this before, I have done it numerous times, and never actually moved.  So, I will wait.  I will wait until we get the final word, until we make the final decision to share.  

We have looked at houses just for fun and love what we find.  We dream about it, about the mountain house with the porches, about the views...but for now we just dream.  Will our dream become a reality?  Again, positive thoughts into the universe, but for now, I'm excited about 2 whole days with my favorite guys - closing my eyes and seeing mountains instead of power lines on our local adventures and soaking up as much time with them as I can.  And here's also hoping that I get more than 2 hours of sleep at a time!  

The Beginning

August 28, 2013 - So, today is the day - well, one of the days, I feel like there will be a lot of "the day" as we move forward with this process.  What process?  What is going on?  Well, after many years of brooding and thinking about it - more for me than for Sean, we have decided that we are going to try and do it....our big dream and pick up and move our life to Colorado.  As I type this Sean is on a plane somewhere, maybe over Iowa, and on his way to Colorado for a final interview.  According to what he has been told, at this point, it is his job to lose.  So, let's hope that doesn't happen - and let's hope they offer above and beyond of what we were hoping for.  

And yes, while it sounds great to move - it is going to be a lot of work and we foresee quite a few problems.  First of all, I don't have a job.  I was hopefully for a while, Special Olympics Colorado (SOCO) was hiring - it was a stretch for me to try and get the position they were looking for, but I thought I would give it a whirl - thought it was a great sign.  Didn't work out for me, actually someone else from SOILL got the job - which is great, for the future, and nice to know someone else out there!  So, yes, I don't have a job, but I do have a baby to watch, so that is something.  I am of course still looking, but right now, nothing set.  

And then there is the house.  Ahh, the good old American dream - own your own home!  Don't get me wrong, it has been great having our own house right now.  It has been so much more fun than renting and our money is going somewhere good.  But it kind of locks you to one place for a while!  Sean is great and might even have some renters lined up - perhaps even renting to buy.  But those are the logistics, not the fun things to talk about and dream about.

Why am I so excited about all of this?  Ever since I was younger and we took family vacations, going out west was my favorite.  Maybe it was the days we spent in the car, where I got to lip sync to my sister and annoy her.  Or maybe it was the tapes we made to record the memories.  It certainly wasn't the car sickness I would get after laying down.  But there was something that always drew me to the mountains.  Typically our trips were to Yellowstone, but a few final destinations were Colorado.  We did Pikes Peak, we did the Royal Gorge and we were in Vail (in which I knocked my mom's glasses off at the hot tub, something I will never hear the end of!).  And each trip I have memories of the mountains...of feeling happy and free.  Of course, you are kid, all is happy and free.

Then I "grew up."  And my love of the mountains continued.  I managed to start dating a guy that lived in Colorado - in retrospect as a ticket to the mountains.  And I was about to move, job interview set up and all, until he decided maybe he wasn't ready for that.  It was the worst news ever at that time, but looking back, was the best news I could have gotten from him.  I decided that I was going to move anyways and made a few trips out there to try and figure out where and how to make it work.  I took a new job here and stayed put for a while, finding  a job and organization I am passionate about.  And then SOCO was hiring.  And I decided not to apply for that job.  I decided I was happy where I was and wasn't at a point of moving.  And thankfully I stayed put because the very next month, I met Sean.  I couldn't imagine my life full of Colorado and not have Sean be a part of it.  Sean and I quickly knew we were meant to be together and continued to make our life great here in Illinois.  We bought our house, got married, had a dog and looked to continue adventures as best we could here.  We took our honeymoon to Colorado and hiked the Four Loop Pass - I mean the Four Pass Loop in Maroon Bells - and I saw my first view of Snowmass Lake at the top of the 3rd mountain pass - and I had never seen anything so amazing and beautiful.  We were back to Colorado for our anniversary and traveled via Jeep and Rampart Road to Colorado Springs and the Garden of the Gods.  We also traveled Rampart Road back to Denver, which was a bit more tricky in November than we thought.  We also made our way to Breckenridge 2 seasons ago to ride those mountains.  It seems like every vacation I want to take takes me to Colorado.

Each time I leave, I leave with a bit of sadness.  My soul and spirit are renewed by the power of the mountains and the beauty of the land.  And I hate leaving - I tend to cry.  So, we have tried a few other times to move, but no luck.  And then we had a baby.  I wonderful, crazy, loving monster baby who has so much energy at 8 months, I am worried for what the future holds - worried and excited!  Sean and I miss our super adventure days, it is harder to pick up and go drive 3 hours to climb for a couple of hours and then head home.  It seems a little less worth it when we are lugging our monster. And don't get me wrong, our little guy it worth it, but we often question and wonder if we are in the best place for him.

Is it right to pull my little guy away from his family, from his Dot and Papa that he has grown with?  Is it fair to pull him away from his cousins and other aunts and uncles and rest of his family?  Are we being silly and selfish to pick up and take him away from all of that?  Should we just stay put and be content with the life we have?  We are risking so much by wanting to pick up and go, but at the same time, I sit and think about all the things we are going to get by moving.  But is it worth it?  I'm sure I can go back and forth about this for the rest of my life, but the fact is, we will never know if it is the right thing if we don't do it.   

So, here's sending positive vibes to the universe, to get us out to Colorado, to get us our mountain house, to fill my soul...