Finally!

Finally it is no longer a secret and I don't have to worry about slipping up and saying something that will have someone questioning what I am talking about.  I mean, I'm sure that happens all that time, but this time I mean in regards to the baby.  The news is official and in case you haven't seen it, here's how we did it:

It was great, pretty close to how I finally decided we should do it.  The little man climbing our rock wall (and yes, he was actually up in the air, with his harness, and Mommy holding his rope and he kept yelling higher, higher).  He was missing a few holds, but did pretty well when he was able to sort of climb.  It's so funny, I'm so proud of his climbing and so worried about it at the same time.  I guess that is something that will also be the case, right?  That's what happens when you are a parent, you worry.

Like now, now is a crazy time in pregnancy, I'm about 12 weeks or so along and I have nothing to know about the little one other than it was fine at the last doctor's appointment.  It's too soon to feel any movement and to really see my belly grow.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I've noticed my belly grow, that's for sure, but it's just hard to tell it's a pregnant belly, still feels like it's just a beer belly.  But I worry, that it's not all right, that my sickness took a toll, that the medication I needed wasn't good for the baby.

And I look at Liam and I know I worried about the same things, and now my worries just shift, is he getting enough good food, does he sleep enough, how long until he gets braver, until he no longer wants mommy's hand to do hard things, until he really hurts himself.

So, I can sit and worry, about the new baby, about Liam, about everything.  Or I can accept that as a mom, I'll probaby worry about one thing or another for the rest of my life.  And that worry can overtake me and run my life or I can change that worry to thoughts of positive ones.  I can think that Liam will learn from each fall he takes or that this new baby will just be tougher after going through what we went through.  It's hard, to change your thinking sometimes, it's a slow process, but it's a way of thinking and living I want to have.

Yes, we are expecting, we are growing our family and we are working hard to make sure we get what we want out of life.  Again, this blog will shift, probably to my pregnancy, to how I want to stay much more healthy this time (minus the Domino's pizza and Taco Bell cravings), how I plan to keep working out throughout and then, to remember that no matter how much we plan and want things, we can only control so much.  So, here's to another adventure coming into out life, and here's to all the uncertainty that comes with it!

Weekend, Part 2

Sunday was a pretty dreary day, well, it didn't start that way, but by the time we decided to get out of bed, the sunshine was gone and the clouds have moved in.  But I will take that trade off.  Liam slept a bit later then decided he just wanted to read books and cuddle for a while.  I was not complaining - not at all.  I love the cuddles with that little guy, I really do treasure them.  Now, the kicking at night, I treasure a little bit less, but for now, until I'm ready to kick that little guy out of bed, I shouldn't complain about them.

So, Sunday, it was a little bit of a blah day, we just did some basic things, grocery shopping, which was far too exciting for me to get food we can cook again.  We cleaned a bit, cooked a nice dinner, I tried making cookies with no success - have to brush up on my high altitude baking before the holidays and just hung out.  I swear we did something else, but am struggling to remember.  We mostly just enjoyed being together with nothing to do.  We watched a wintry mix move, sadly with no lasting snow for us.  We decided to explore the local pool with Liam.  He had a blast on the kiddy slide and I'll be honest, the adult 2-story slide was NOT messing around.

Now it was time for Monday, our free day, a day where we can do anything we want - what would it be.  It was time for me to get some more mountain time.  I wanted to do something big, maybe Kenosha Pass, but we decided it'd be best to stay close so we can finish up our shopping at Costco (more things for me to cook!).  We ended up going to O'Fallon Park (http://www.dayhikesneardenver.com/ofallon-park-trails/) - this one even closer than the other.  Again, I was thinking it would be not as exciting as I wanted it to be and maybe too easy.  Boy, was I wrong, we started with a steep incline that turned into a gradual incline.  We ended up climbing around 550 feet, which is pretty good for a close park.  It was a chilly morning so we were bundled up.

Note to mom:  Liam needs a new hat that fits him, while he looks fine in my hat, I think he should have his own.  We walked and walked and found some great views.  Since we were mostly the only people there, we let Burton run around.  It was a little alarming to find 2 deer legs throughout the walk, not sure who took care of the rest of the deer, but best not to find out.  There were some great views along the way, as usual.

We walked for about a mile and half and since I didn't go a very good job of reading the map, we decided to turn around to get back to the car and have time to do a few more things.  Liam feel asleep at some point, which is rare for him on these hikes as of late, or maybe it wasn't him and we picked up a bear cub, as Sean had picked up a baby deer the day before.  

Oh, the deer story, how could I have forgotten about that the other day.  We were headed to our hike with Summer and I slowed down due to about 5 deer being on the road.  As we slowed, we looked closer to see that there was a deer in the ditch on the side of the road.  It was clearly a baby deer and we had to do something.  Sean got out and went to pick him up.  As he put the deer the down, something was wrong and the deer collapsed to the ground, back in the ditch.  What should we do at this point?  All I knew was that I was not taking this deer home, after all, Tommy Boy was flashing through my head.  Sean picked up the deer and moved it across the street.  This way, we figured the other deer could be with it, or at least say good-bye.  We watched it try and move and heard it cry.  It was heart breaking.  We are pretty positive the deer didn't make it, but we did feel good about letting it's family say good-bye to it.  Perhaps we are just huge saps with a kid, but I hope they appreciated that time.  And no, I didn't take any pictures due to just being in shock of the whole thing.  Burton was in the car barking and Liam kept saying how heavy the deer was.

So, that was our weekend, the first one we had nothing to do in a long time.  One where we found plenty do to, and all that was nice and close to us again.  It's nice to remember why we moved it, that's why, to do hikes like this on a day when we just have a little bit of time, to see the mountains and feel the sunshine.  It fills my soul and refreshes me. 

Weekend, Part 1

It was a long weekend for me and Sean - and not only that, but we both were off for 3 days with no real plans.  Sean was supposed to go biking in Moab, but the plans fell throuhg on that - which I felt bad about, especially after he told me he has wanted to go since he was 17 - which, let's me honest, was a long time ago, since we are so old.  Anyways, as soon as that plan feel through we were on the task to plan on awesome weekend.  What would it be, camping, climbing, hiking?  The world was open to us and we wanted to explore this great state we moved to, but haven't had the chance to do so yet.  We checked the weather and while camping would be doable, Liam's cough might be best served to sleep inside instead of in a cold tent, although we'd be cuddled in the sleeping bag, we decided to pass on that.

We spent the morning on a lovely little hike with a friend Sean met while he was out here prior to me.  We went to Lair O' The Bear Park (http://jeffco.us/parks/parks-and-trails/lair-o-the-bear-park/) located just 15 minute from our place.  We hadn't been there yet, drove by numerous times, saw how packed it can get on a nice day.  I was happy we had plans to head out early, before the crowds got there.  We met up with Summer and Kale and Liam happily got into his backpack.  It's only a matter of time before he wants to just hike, so for now, we will be happy he wants the ride, although, I'm pretty sure Sean's back is a little less than happy today from our hikes.

I have been taking a break from wearing Liam until after I get all my strength back from my sickness, I'm pretty close and am getting there, but just not quite yet.

So, we headed off down a trail that went along Bear Creek.  It was great, I did finally let Burton off the leash, it was pretty calm and he was so happy to run back and forth from one side to the other and smell and play.  Turns out, this park is pretty popular for taking pictures as we passed about 7 or more photo shoots, hoping to avoid getting in any pictures.  I did have to chuckle once at how funny it would be to let Burton go and greet these people, muddy foot prints on the fancy outfits that took so long to pick out.  I didn't do it and wouldn't have, pretty sure NO one there would have been amused.

We found a huge super cool tree that we had to get our picture in.

 It was quite comical watching me get up, but I figured it out.  Burton decided NOT to be in this picture.  We walked a bit more, across a bridge.  We stopped at the creek and tossed some rocks in, the boys explored.  We continued on with more climbing and a few rescues.  We found a great little hidden area off the path to explore.  Turns out we crossed a tiny part of the creek to get to a get to the main creek and it was great.  It was a rocky beach, a fallen tree across the creek, plenty of sticks for Burton to catch and even more trouble for the boys to get into.  Sean decided to cross the tree and of course, Liam had to do it as well - he was so upset when Sean wouldn't let him go, it was almost comical.

We stayed there and played for a long while. We skipped stones, we chatted, we sat and had a snack, all while Burton went into the creek, got caught in a current and drifted down creek a bit, found his way out only to do it all over again.  It was such a great place, private and hidden.  It was a place we plan to go back to, take a picnic lunch and spend the day.  The trails were great, perfect for my winter of Snowshoeing.  I'm so excited to have explored a new park.  I was getting spoiled, needing my mountain escape, when I realize that's where I live, my backyard is a mountain escape.  

We decided to head home for lunch and then head back out on an off road adventure.  We took the road passed Mt. Evans and Echo Lake.  We pulled of and Sean instructed me to go up something the resembled a road.  This was my view from the rear view mirror at that point.   

I drove this time, for a bit, full of giggles and screams (which Liam enjoyed and joined in my screams.)  We drove and drove for what seemed like forever, of course, it was about 0.5 miles.  We finally hit the "top" of where we planned to go and got out to take some nice pictures, you know, with an actual camera instead of a phone.  We walked around a little bit, I climbed up some rocks and could breath, it was great!  

Liam demanded more wiggle wiggle of the truck and I let Sean take over.

We continued along the loop, which was much tougher than we thought.  But it was fun, we talked out a few problems, I scolded Sean for going to fast and knocking the mirror in, we sang and laughed and giggled and screamed a bit more.  It was a great way to end the day.  We took the road back home and decided to hit the hay, in the hopes of more adventures on Sunday.  After all, we had 2 whole more days of nothing but enjoying Colorado left of the weekend.

Baby steps

...back into running.  Yeah, that is my plan.  I'm not going to go out tomorrow and knock out 5 miles or run for an hour or anything like that, I'm going to take baby steps to get to my running.  We were out on our hike yesterday and I saw a woman running, trial running and I asked Sean when I get to be that awesome.  I decided I didn't need to wait for an answer, I decided I get to be as awesome as I wnat to be as soon as I want to be.  So, I started today.  I started a couch to 5K program.  It seemed so funny for me to run 60 seconds, then walk 90 seconds.  I mean, I watched the marathon yesterday morning, that was me a few years ago, I was that person out there running, kicking butt and taking names.  I remember marathons where before I knew it, I was at mile 15.  I also remember marathons where each mile, including number 1 dragged on.  And I thought about how much I used to love running.  I would torture myself for miles and hours and hours and miles.  I'd wake up so early to get my 20 miles in before it got hot.  And for the majority of the time, I did it alone.  I think I did one 20 mile run with someone - didn't really like it as much as my alone time.

So, that's what I'm looking to get back.  Do I want to run 8 minute miles again, of course!  Would I want to run another marathon and finally break 4 hours, yes!  But will I do either of those tomorrow.  No way.  Because tomorrow I am going to work on some leg strength and then on Thursday, I'll be back at it, running and walking for my 20 minutes to complete another workout.

See, my breathing set me back a bit, I think.  I have been held back by it for far too long.  I am hoping it is a bit under control and I can use this run/walk to work on catching my breath.  And breathing through my nose and getting my thoughts under control and getting me back to where I want to be mentally as a runner, or rather as an athlete.  So, I will take it slow, I will work on my breathing and my form.  I will focus on relaxing while I run and remembering why I loved it so much at some point.

But for today, I will feel great, because I did it.  I got out there and I worked out.  I started a program that I will finish and one that will make me feel better about all the things I will be doing.  And I plan on continuing with my running through the winter, into the Spring and next Summer as well.  Maybe even get into some races, some longer races, who knows.  But again, for today, I'll be happy I went out and did my workout.

Little weekend adventures

Yep, that is why we moved here.  Sean and I have been having a hard time finding time to get away for a while, a long weekend, or even an overnight camping trip.  We even have been having a tough time getting away on little adventures.  I did get away with my parents and Liam when they were in town last week.  We took Guanella Pass up and over to Mt. Bierstadt.  The colors were great, the drive was fun and we ended up getting some great hot dogs. I'll have to add some pictures later, my phone seems to not want to share them with me right now.  My mom and I made out to the dog park for a hike as well.  It was a great visit, depsite me being a little sick and I'm sure Liam misses them so much already, I know I do.

But this Sunday, Sean was on call, but not until 5th call.  So, we decided we were safe to take a trip out to Elk Meadows.  We were watching Ray Ray and I had no desire to take two leashed dogs anywhere - at all.  So, Elk Meadows it was.  It was great, it was crowded, as usual, but we found a spot and hopped on the trail.  Sean carried Liam due to my breathing issues and we ventured a few new ways to explore a bit.  It was so nice to be out in nature again, and being able to breath was nice.  It was also nice to be with Sean.  Not working on this or that project, not worrying about work for a few hours and just being in the moment.  It was a lovely day, not too hot at all, almost a little chilly in the shade.  Liam had a blast as usual, riding along, talking about how heavy he was, touching trees and saying hi to dogs along the way.

We had our share of suburban adventures as well, some car comparing, a nice dinner at Chili's (where a nice older lady came up to me and told me how cute Liam was, and what a great right hand he had as he chucked a piece of pizza under her husband's chair - she assured me she understood, she had kids as well) and then just some hanging out at parks and such.

It was a nice little weekend of staying put, getting healthy and feeling my spirit with some mountain.  Now, I'm already on to next week, I need a little more adventure, something new, something exciting.  Time to start planning to see what it will be!

Breathing

It's such a simple thing, right, just in and  out, move the air and life goes on.  Then why I am sitting here with a nebulizer treatment at home.  When and why on earth did breathing become such a chore for me, and why now?  I guess I should back up, I had some issues, was on some inhalers, one of which was a steroid and I stopped that about a month ago.  Things seemed to be all right until some allergies and or sickness took hold of me.  I had a few doctors appointments and mostly again no one really knows what's wrong with me, which is quite frustrating.

So, I came home on Wednesday, after I thought I was all better and things got worse, way worse.  At some point, a cloud settled on our house and things got bad.  Liam even started to cough and wheeze, I have no idea what was in the air or our systems, but I do know it sucked.  I was worried about not being able to breath, Liam wasn't as concerned with his wheezing as we were, he was just playing around with Dot and Papa while I was upstairs with Sean not sure what was going on.  I'll mostly keep it brief.  I tried to tough through it, I tried a few medicines, I tried a hot steamy shower and that was my breaking point.  I recall being in the bathroom telling Sean I needed something, anything and I couldn't breath.  Now, in my head, when this happened I knew was Sean was thinking, he was thinking what he has told me about patients that are telling him they can't breath - if you are talking, you can breath.  I tried to make that make sense in my head, but I couldn't, I just couldn't.  I was upset and freaking out and at a loss for what to do.  Thankfully, Liam was still downstairs having a great time staying up way too late once again.

So, finally I told Sean we had to go somewhere, I needed something and we didn't have it.  I did feel better after my freak out, but knew that I wasn't fine.  So we went to the ER, got in pretty quick, did a quick nebulizer, got some steroids and went on our way.  I felt better, not great, but better for sure, until I hit the stairs to our house, then I was gasping again for air.  So, I took my time, slowed everything down and mustered up enough breath to make it upstairs to get to bed.  I slept decent enough and was up the next day, getting ready to make my doctor's appointment with an allergist when Liam started to cough more.  My parents were leaving that day and I was just in rough shape.  Sean was off at work and it was going to be me, who can barely catch my breath and a toddler with a little cough.  Now, I could have taken him to day care, but I wouldn't felt right about it, he maybe had something, so I made an appointment for him.  My parents left, with plenty of tears from me, feeling bad I was sick when they were here, but being grateful they were here.  The morning went well and I got him down for a nap pretty successful, along with me.  And of course, when I was setting the alarm for us to get up, I forgot that I was going to some issues rushing.

Finally, we made it where we were going, a few minutes late, but made it.  I took a few tests, got another treatment and met with the doctor.  She was very concerned about me, I'm thinking I shouldn't have told her about the shape I was in last night, she might have had been intubated.  Anyways, Liam was a pretty good kid, considering, she was very through and we worked out my best plan on action, sending home a nebulizer with me, prednisone for a few days and a different steroid inhaler.

So, I put myself on bed rest on Friday.  Thankfully I got to work from home and Liam went to day care.  I moved from the bed, to the couch, back to the bed.  I did get up at some point and eat some dinner and played with Liam.  But I felt like I needed to make myself sit still and stop.  It's like this breathing issues was a warning for me to slow down and not forget about me.  See, I have lots going on, more than I even realize sometimes and sometimes, I forget to take care of all of that.  I recall this happened to me once a few years ago (probably more than a few years ago).  I ran my marathon, and took maybe a day off and was back at it.  The following Sunday, I twisted my ankle worse than I had in a long time...not fun, but again, a time to slow down.  And while I long to be in that great running shape again someday, I'm not going to get anywhere until I get this breathing thing figured out.  Maybe it was a bug, bronchitis again, maybe it was allergies, but who knows.  I'd like to know since no one seems to have any idea.

So, I am going next week to a lung doctor, which is good, I guess.  I mean, let's be honest, we all know how I feel about doctors, especially the last one that used his iPhone to give me something of no help.  I mean, I probably could have figured out how to fix myself had I remembered last year around this time when I was sick, etc.  But the lady I saw last week had genuine concern for me, which was nice.  She wants to help me and make sure that I'm on the right road and she is enlisting help.  Of course, who knows how much all of this will cost in the end, but I guess if someone figures out what is wrong with me, it'll be worth it, right?

So, yeah, breathing, it's a great thing, it feels so good to be able to do it again.  And even though I am still doing a few treatments and drugs, I'm getting there.  Let's just hope the drugs were all worth it and I have no other issues.