It has been a busy few weeks, month and year to this point. I am mostly busy enough to totally forget that I have a huge belly that has seemed to form in front of me - and no, it's not from too much beer. I feel I am at cow-whale stage already with 8 more weeks to go. Sean says I'm barely at cow stage and somehow that comforts me. And this busy-ness I speak of, only covers me and my work, it doesn't cover Sean or Liam at all. So, the year started getting ready for Winter Games, which was great, super busy, of course, Liam was sick the week before (just like last year), but we made it work, I got everything ready and done and off we went. The weather was forecasted to be really bad, like travel only in emergencies, so we had to cancel for most of the athletes, which was a huge let down.
I've had to cancel events before, plenty of them and it always sucks, but for some reason, this one - this was really hurt and still does. Like I said, it's happened before, just 5 weeks after Liam was born, I busted my butt to run a huge basketball tournament only to find out the day before we had to cancel it. Such a bummer. But still, not as hard as this event. I'm not sure if it had to do with all the other people and hard work that went into that seemed let down (basketball was mostly just me - a few others, but there wasn't hours and days of set up, etc.) or if it has to do with me being pregnant or it being Winter Games. I love Winter in general, hanging out in snowpants, being outside in the fresh cold air, hats and pigtails, playing in the snow, the list goes on, but Winter has always been a favorite of mine. Sure, the driving in the snow sucks and sometimes the bitter cold is less than fun, but overall, I love anything to do with Winter. And Winter Games - it's such a tight group of skiers and snowboarders and our nordic guys - they all know each other and practice and cheer for each other. So, when I had to cancel winter games, it was tough. I actually got way too emotional for my liking at work when I told our key group what the plan was. I'll blame the baby for my lack of keeping it together. I suppose it's good to get the emotions out, right? But again, when a women does it, it's weak, when a man does it, it's senstive - another topic for another day.
So, people were upset and I heard about it, I was there, I was the face that was easy to talk to and so on. I had to leave our nice dinner to hide in the bathroom for about 10 minutes. I then proceeded to find things to keep me busy being locked in a room in the basement until I was able to pull it together, I was so full of emotion. Thrilled that I worked as hard as I did, with my current "condition" to pull things off, angry the weather had to throw all that off, and downright pissed I became the scrapgoat for past issued. Not to mention super upset about the athletes that will be missing and knowing how hard coaches and athletes worked for it all. It was a tough night. Typically a few glasses of wine might cure that, but I guess the good thing about being pregnant is dealing with your emotions, not hiding behind a drink, just feeling them and dealing with them.
The games went on for about 20 athletes, those athletes had a great time. I watched them get medals and was so thrilled that they were able to be there to get medals. Then I was broken hearted thinking of all the other athletes that weren't there, that were missing out on the medals. The day was done, things were wrapped up and it was time to move on to the next event. But I can't seem to find closure for Winter Games, maybe the meeting I have in a few weeks will help. I heard more, volunteers were upset with how things were handled, the lack of excitement about the games, etc. I mean, sure, I can take getting yelled at about the weather, things out of my control, but when someone suggests that I don't have passion for the athletes and the events are run in a professional way, I question myself. What did I not do for the athletes? What am I missing? Who felt this way and how can I fix it? Too many unanswered questions for me to have closure at this point, which is why I think it still it hard to accept what happened.
It's my chance to get back up and come back better and stronger next year. I'd like to have the chance to patch things up with certain volunteers, to be on the same page, to ensure them I love Winter Games just as much as they do, to show them I want to grow all of our events, especially this one. I don't know if I'll get that chance and that part stinks...the lack of closure, not being able to address all the comments I have heard, not knowing who to address. So I move on, or at least try to. I look at how I can make the next year better, I work with the group to ensure them I am on thier side and I move forward. I get up, right? Isn't that the point, you get knocked down, but get up? So I get up, I pull my cow-whale self together and I move forward to basketball, summer games and so on. But I don't forget, I take my lessons with me and learn...that's how we get better, right? So, that's the plan, better and better - for the athletes, for the volunteers and for the passion we all feel.
