2015 already

It has been a very busy and full year, full of ups and downs, struggles and victories, laughter and tears.  I think I have learned more about myself in this year than I have in a long time, maybe more than I have about myself in a year than I ever have and it has been great.  As I said it hasn't always been easy, but when I wake up and look out the window and watch the amazing sunrise, I know it's the place we belong.  We struggled a bit at first, rather I did.  Sean was working tons and I was the one in charge, so to speak, of Liam, of the house, of just about everything.  I was learning a new job, trying to find my place and he was working his butt off to ensure that he could be with me more often sooner rather than later.  We had many great times, too many to remember, but hopefully the blog did the trick so I could go back and remember all the great things we did.  We were busy, running here and there and not even having nearly enough time to do all the things we wanted to do.

But beyond all of that, I learned so much about myself.  I remember when we chatted about moving in the past, Sean was worried about me being away from my family and friends.  True, I went away to college for 4 years and I lived in the city for a few before meeting Sean, but it was true, I was never this far away.  And I was a bit concerned, but I also had the faith in myself that I could do it.  I felt like I would have an open book in front of me.  I could continue to find the person I want to be, the mother I want to be, the wife I want to be.  I could do anything, be anything, open myself up to anything and share all of that with my family.

I have found a strength in myself that I didn't know was there.  Of course, that strength has been knocked down a bit with this pregnancy, all right, a lot, but still, I feel it, I feel the person, mom and wife I want to be.  I don't always have the energy to do it, or the patience these days, but in the end, I have become a stronger person by living here.  I have discovered changes I want to make in my life for the better of myself and I have made some of those changes.  Some of those changes are works in progress, and I think I will always be a work in progress.  Aren't we all?  Isn't that what makes life so exciting, you never know how the day will go when you wake up.  You get the chance each and ever day to be whatever you want to be.  Sometimes I forget that, I get caught up in a mistake I made yesterday, or a problem that is stuck in my head and I drag it with me.

Which sounds like a good resolution for 2015, wake up each day and see each day as a new day, each moment as a new moment.  I will take each day and I will make the most of it, even if I feel like crap, even if my nose is stuffed, even if and when I am waddling pregnant.  I will take each day and I will make the most of it, I will enjoy this little girl moving around inside of me, even if it means I can't breathe through my nose.  I will enjoy watching Liam try and play with his sister and give her water.  I will enjoy the energy that kid brings to my life instead of being too tired to play with him.  I will take his crabby days and I will try to make them better, even if I am crabby as well.  I will enjoy all the moments I have with him as my only attention seeker.  I will cuddle with him and not be upset when he stomps into our room for cuddles and sleep.  And I will take care of myself, I will keep working out and staying as fit as I can, while also eating well for my family that is here and the one I am carrying.

In the end, the year has been incredible, I have gone places as a part of my daily life that I used to dream of taking vacations to.  I have grown as a person, discovered how I want to live my life.  I have grown as a mother, remembering to enjoy the moments I have with Liam and not be in a rush for him to grow up.  And I have grown in my relationship with Sean.  There are hard times, with his schedule, like the fact that he worked on Thanksgiving and he is working tonight, but we always make it through  and emerged with smiles on our faces.  And let's be honest, it's not like I'd be awake at midnight for my usual kiss with him.  And that is what mornings are for, when he comes home and is beat, but gets to see his little man running around...that makes the night alone sort of worth it - sort of!

But we are living our dream, and how can any of that point to a bad year.  So for 2015, I will do all of the above and continue to learn about myself, as a person, as a mom and as a wife.  And I will remember just how bad-ass I am going to make the next year, and the year after that, and after that, and so on.  Happy new year, so looking forward to 2015 and beyond!

Christmas break - a quick recap

It has been a good and busy, too busy of a Christmas break for us.  I guess I shouldn't say it has been too busy, it has been good, really great to see friends and family and be back in Illinois.  We left on a Sunday, drove all day and got in pretty late that night.  We stayed with my parents for the trip and from the moment we woke up on Monday, it was go, go go!  Monday morning we took a trip to the dog park with Burton, I got to get my run, in the cold, icy mix of our old stomping grounds with Burton.  We got muddy, wet and I was happy to get a work out in, hoping I would be able to keep up the routine.  But nope, fail on that one - that was my first and last workout of the week.  Monday we headed back to my parents and hung out for a bit before my sister and her family and my brother and her family made it back to the house.  We celebrated Liam's birthday and my birthday, he got to blow out the candles, he likes to blow it out as soon as it is lit.  Some old work friends came by and we hung out, it was great to catch up.

Tuesday was when we celebrated the Foege Christmas.  We went over nice and early to let Liam play with his cousins and we could get started on catching up and holding the newest Foege, Clara.  Liam was amazed my her, he wanted to hold her numerous times, which was very sweet - I hope he wants to be that sweet with his new baby sister.  We had a great time, it was great to see everyone, spend the day there without worrying about anything, just hanging out, it was a nice feeling.  The kids were excited to open presents.  This was the first year Liam was interesting in opening presents, he still is of course, still talks about presents and opening them.  I'm a little bummed for the kid that he has to wait a whole year to do it again.  Anyways, we had a great time with the Foeges.

Wednesday, which was Christmas Eve we went to visit my Grandma.  It was nice to see her, she was happy to see, listen to and hug Liam when he stopped long enough to let her.  We stayed and chatted with her for a while, snapped a few pictures of Liam on the move and said our good-byes.  I hope she will get to meet her newest great-grand daughter in a few months when we get back in the summer.  I honestly barely remember what else we did that day.  We went to church, had some dinner with my parents and that's about all.

Christmas Day was spent at my parents, with the Badon side of the family.  It was nice to be able to stay put for the day, we took our time getting ready and just lazed around.  Until everyone arrived - then things got a little crazy, in a good way.  Liam's older cousins were so happy to see him, they played with him all day long, there was no stopping for him or them.  My little guy kept going and going, like the Energizer Bunny.  He perhaps picked up a few habits from them, or taught them a few things, or who knows how it all happened, but I know he had a blast and so did they.  There were some really sweet moments, were he sat on my nephew's lap and watched about 5 minutes of Elf, asking his usual "What happened?" and hearing Lucas explain what was going on.  The day went on, we played some games and chatted, ate plenty, laughed and enjoyed company, it was a nice day.

Friday was another running around day, we spent some time with the Foege cousins again, and then started to get things ready to go.  We went back on forth about when to leave, I wanted another day, in the hopes it would be relaxing.  We did end up staying Saturday, but we also made a few more trips to visit people.  It was a great time back in Illinois, but it was also nice to be home.

We came home to some snow and our temporary garage collapsed.  Thankfully Sean was smart enough to move the truck out of the garage so we at least avoided damage to that.  We got home and Liam was excited that Santa brought him a few presents, a shovel that he wanted to use right away.  We didn't try to make it up the driveway, since there was no where to park.  We also didn't unpack, didn't need anything and all just went to bed, Liam got to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed, mostly because I didn't feel like laying in his bed, but there we all were, all of us, Burton included, and home.  It was a nice place to be.  It's hard to leave the people we love, that's for sure, but for me, I feel like living our dreams are the place we belong.

2 years

Wow, it has 2  years since my little guy came into this world.  I re-posted his birth story and it's always crazy to go through that.  I wonder when I won't think about that, thinking that on his birthday, that's what I should think about, his birth, his life, his energy and joy that he has.  I love that little man so much.  It's crazy how much he has changed in one year.  He is walking, talking, exploring, climbing and just about anything and everything else to find ways to cause trouble, make messes and drive me a little crazy.  But it's so fun, it's so fun to watch him learn, to watch his personality form, to be a part of the person he is becoming.  A few of my favorites from him right now:

• The way he says "ummm" when I ask him a question, the way I watch his wheels turn in his head to figure it out and come up with an answer, it doesn't matter what the question is, whether it's what's for dinner or why are there stars in the sky, he always pauses and thinks so hard before he spills out some silly answer that makes me laugh.
• His adventurous spirit to try almost anything that he isn't supposed to try.  The way he approaches something new - he still needs mommy and daddy to help with things, but once we get him going, he loves what he has attempted.
• The way he talks and spends each day trying to say new things, learn new things and share new things.  He rattles off the numbers 1 - 5 all the time and is starting with ABC's, it's hard to believe he was barely babbling a year ago.
• The way he puts himself to sleep like a big boy after a few stories.  And the way he sits up and cries for me if he needs me, or the way he stomps into our room for cuddles and water, even though he typically brings the water with him.
• The way he sits up in the middle of the night, needing water and then telling me to move my arm so he can cuddle me, or the way he turns me over if my back is facing him to get me to cuddle him.
• The way he picks out his pj's or his shirt for the day, even though they might not fit any longer - there is no changing his mind.
• The way he leans on me (painfully) with his elbows to see what book is next.  It digs into me, so now I tell him to get the book and come back to bed, he slides out of bed, stomps to his books and squats down until he finds one of his liking.  I also love the way he kneels next to me, knowing that I am tired of the Curious George dump truck book, but he buries his head in my tummy, picks it up, covers his face and says George dump truck, laughs and buries his head again, how can I resist that.
• The way that each day there is something new that he does that cracks me up and how he remembers that and does it time and time again to make me laugh.
• The way he will laugh with me when I start to laugh about nothing, just to hear him laugh and how hard he will laugh
• How he wants to sit on my lap and read books, I'll enjoy it while there is still a lap for him to sit on.

I'm sure I can go on and on about him, about the kid he is becoming, about his energy, and everything else, but for now, I will stop and I will smile.  I will think about going to get to pick him up and spending the next 2 weeks with him, playing, exploring, making messes and driving me crazy.  I love watching him grow and I am working hard to enjoy each and every minute of his crazy childhood, especially now, while I can, while he is my sole attention getter.  I worry a  bit about how things will be next year at this time, but that's not worth thinking about, Liam is going to be a great big brother and for now, I'll enjoy him and just him, and when #2 makes it's appearance, the dynamic will change, but one thing one, that I love my little Liam more than anything in the world.  And he will always bring this joy to my life, soon he will get to share it with more.  Happy birthday little man, you continue you amaze me and you continue to change the world and me all at the same time.  I can't wait to see what this year holds for you.

Liam birth's story - a couple years old

I posted this on Facebook soon after Liam was born, but I wanted to have it in my "collection" here with all the other stories I have.  It's long winded and reminds me of all we have learned to prepare for the next one and it also makes me smile in the end to know what I ended up with, a wonderful little baby that has grown to an amazing silly boy!

Liam was expected to join us on December 4, 2014.  My joke was that December 1 worked much better for our schedule, so let's go for that one!  Well, turns out the joke was on me.  The due date came and went with not much progress.  I had learned that I shouldn't rush these things, I should wait, it isn't that odd to go that overdue, especially with the first.  But it didn't seem like anyone else agreed.  We did what we thought was best and continued to wait.  We got to the one week past date and my doctor wanted to push things along with induction.  I was able to convince them to at least wait until 2 weeks to get the ball rolling, if it doesn't on it's own.

And then that time came.  Tuesday, December 18 at 3:00 PM – that was the time they were going to “intervene.”  I wasn't thrilled.  I was quite bummed.  I wanted to go into labor on my own, stay at home as long as I can and then go from there.  Tuesday at about 11:30 I started to feel a contraction – or as I told Sean, something very different from what was going on.  And this time, they were coming at a consistent pace.  They weren't really intense, but it was something!  I was so happy I at least started to labor on my own.  We made our way to the hospital and hoped a bit they would just let me hang out and see how things went.  We got checked in – thankfully, Sean remembered to ask for the room with the tub in it (couldn't deliver in it, but we were able to at least labor in it).  So, after laying in bed for a couple of hours while I answered silly questions and was monitored and poked and proded, it was time for the Cervadil induction.  They inserted the Cervadil in me and I was then told at that  point that I had to be monitored for the 12 hours the insert was in me.  I was only told by my doctor that I needed to be monitored for the first 2 hours (in bed) and then 20 minutes of each hour after that.  So, great, here we go – I am stuck, I have to follow their rules, I can't make my own at this point, we are on the train – the train we hoped to avoid of intervention, drugs and who knows what else that will be out of our control.  We expressed our “unhappiness” to our nurse in a nice way – she understood, but told us that this was the policy.  I also couldn't get in the tub, however at least when I was hooked up to the mobile monitor, I could get in the shower.  So, yes, I was able to get up and move around after 2 hours, however, they were still monitoring me – so much for as little monitoring as possible!  And the worst part was as I was walking, the device would have a hard time reading the baby's heart rate, the nurse would track me down to adjust me and we couldn't walk very far. 

The nurse must have told my doctor and midwife (switched doctor at 36 weeks due to this doctor being more on board with the natural methods) because soon they were down checking on me, apologizing for not knowing that was the new policy.  I felt at bit better at and ease, like maybe we can stop the train and get back on our course of action.  I continued to labor throughout the night, sleeping at times, showering, falling asleep between contractions, etc. 

It was then 5:00 AM and it was time for the Cervadil to come out.  The nurse pulled it out and checked me at that time – I was 3 cm.  I honestly think this had nothing to do with the drug and I would have progressed this much or more if I was able to be at home or more mobile than I was.  I asked if I could get in the tub, however, the doctor wanted me to wait until I was 4 cm.  Since my progress was slow, we (the doctor strongly suggested) agreed to start Pitocin at a very low level, to see if that would speed things up a bit.  I continued to walk, shower, try many different positions and do anything else I could to get the ball rolling.  After a while, they wanted to check me again – I was on board, I was hopeful I was going to be able to get into the tub and labor in there – c'mon 4 cm!  And I was – finally – 5 cm and I think it was 80% effaced.  They stopped the pitocin, I was finally not on any monitors or anything and I got into the tub. 

Now, at this point, I am not sure how much pain I should be in as well as where the pain should be.  I was in the tub for over 2 hours and it was time for me to get out and get checked again.  I was hopeful, and in retrospect, shouldn't have stopped moving at that point.  When the doctor finally came down to check me, I was still at 5 – no progress, or hit my NAP.  But at this point, it was Wednesday at 7:00 PM.  I had been having contractions for 30 hours or so and I was beat.  It was hard to hear I was stuck at 5, even though I know that isn't a good indication of anything. 

And then it was time to “talk.”  Never a good thing when your doctor says that.  We have a few options, she says – first of all, you need to sleep.  If I wasn't going to get any sleep, I was going to be no good when it came time to push.  And second of all, we need to get this going – I had been in labor in over 24 hours, how much longer could I go?  So, the options, of course, included drugs – epidural and pitocin, the 2 things I was hoping to avoid.  Granted I had a bit of pitocin already,   I really was hoping that was all I needed and was really not wanting the epidural.  But everyone was right, I needed to sleep and so did Sean.  We went back and forth about it, we called some people to talk about it, we talked and cried about.  I felt like I was quitting, giving up, failing my plan if I gave in and got the epidural.  However, there would be no way I could handle the contractions with pitocin (strengthens and shortens time between contractions) and get any rest, especially in the second night of all of this. 

So, with an awful feeling inside of me, I agreed to get the epidural.  It was right about the time of a shift change, which sucked – I loved my nurses, they were great, they were on board with my natural ways, they were understanding...but not this new one – she didn't know me yet, she didn't know my situation, there was no way she could understand how it felt to have this shot in my back after I had tried so hard to do everything else right.  How could this be happening?  How could I be in this position?  I sat there, with tears rolling down my cheeks, trying to go back and retrace my steps, seeing what I could have done different, wishing Sean was there to hold my hand and cry with me.  They made him leave the room – the only time he wasn't with me.  And it was the hardest time to get through.  I think maybe they thought it hurt, which is why I was crying, they were small talking like I wasn't even there, it was awful.  I had lost my fight to do this without pain medication and the one who I needed there the most had to leave the room while strangers got to poke me.  I cried a lot that night, while the epidural was happening, after it happened, when Sean came back into the room to comfort me – I was beyond consolable.  Now I was stuck in bed, needing to be monitored and needed a cath since I can't get up to go to the bathroom.  I felt awful about myself, wondering why I couldn't do it on my own, wondered why this was happening if I did everything else right, wondering why I didn't get my chance to prove that I could do it without drugs.

Oh, and I did forget to mention that at some point, Liam turned, so it was face up – so even better – back labor for all that time!  Before the epidural, the doctor tried to get him to turn, pushing and proding on me like an experiment, hoping this would get him to move down a bit more and get him in a better position.  So, finally the epidural kicked in, I felt nothing, I didn’t feel my legs, I couldn’t move them, it was terrible.  In a way, it was great, I didn’t feel anything, but I knew that wasn’t how I wanted it.  I wanted to feel it, I wanted to feel the pain from my contractions, I wanted to know I was getting closer.  I was woken up about 5:15 by the nurse who was going to check me again.  At this point, I was about 8 cm.  This was great news to me, feeling rested and hopeful that I could let the epidural run out so I could feel when I wanted to push.  I believe it was at this check that my water broke as well.  Again, couldn’t feel that happen since I was still feeling the epidural.  So strange to not feel a rush of liquid leaving your body.  I rested a bit more, contracted a bit more (from what the monitors said) and felt like I was getting closer.  The new nurse came in, she was the nurse I had yesterday and she had mentioned that the doctor had a busy day, so we were going to deliver between a few other deliveries. 

At this point, I was lost, I didn’t know what I wanted anymore, I didn’t know how to handle anyone telling me things and I naively thought that what everyone was telling me was right, that they were on board with me and my plan.  WRONG!  It wasn’t until later when I was talking to Sean did we realize how much they worked to fit me in the “schedule.”  The nurse started the Pitocin again, she said she wanted to get the out of my contractions and it seemed like a fine idea.  In retrospect, a terrible idea.  Looking back now, she really gave me this to speed things up to get this baby out of me, because of their schedule, the baby was still fine, I was still fine…no reason other than their time line to push things along.  One thing did work for me, I did let the epidural run out just at the right time to feel the urge to push.  However, I didn’t fully listen to myself as far as when to push and for how long.  I fell into yet another trap of them telling me when to push.  They could still see the contractions coming, the Pitocin was bringing them on stronger and quicker.  If I still had the epidural going, that would have been fine.  However, at this time, I was feeling my legs, able to move them…and not able to rest.  Not able to relax between contractions, not able to focus on calming myself down, the contractions just kept coming, over and over, more intense and more difficult to work through. 

At this point, I had been pushing for about 30 minutes, not that long, but pushing at a  very intense and difficult rate.  I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore, like I wanted to give up.  I was aware there wasn’t anyway I could give up at this point, however, I was done.  I was exhausted, I was tired, I was emotionally drained.  Nothing was working out as planned – this wasn’t supposed to hurt so bad and wouldn’t have had I not got this last dose of Pitocin.  The doctor asked if she could use the vacuum.  Liam was stuck in not sure a great position and she wasn’t sure that he would come out without.  I also think she wasn’t sure I was going to be strong enough to keep going, however I gave in.  I told her to do it.  Around this time, she also performed an episiotomy, which we had written in our birth plan not to do.  Nice, right?  Sean saw that happen, I had no idea.  In the end, Liam started to make his way out.  He had turned and was facing down, however, at some point while he was coming out, he turned to move his shoulder down in the way.  He finally popped out, causing a 3rd degree tear, which we feel may have been less without the episiotomy.  And with much resistance, Liam Joseph Foege entered this world on December 20, 2012 at 2:29 PM.  He was 7 lbs. 14 oz. and 20 inches long.  He was also 2 weeks and 2 days late.

But he was here, and he was placed on my chest immediately.  He was awake and alert and very aware of what was going on.  He cried a bit and just laid with me.  I cried a bit, Sean was so happy to see our little guy…we almost forgot we had to name him, maybe because we both knew he was going to be Liam before he came out – we strayed from our rotating names.  I felt happy that he was awake and aware of things, felt like the drugs perhaps didn’t have the effect on him that I thought they might have had.  In the end, we had a wonderful, healthy baby boy – Sean said he saw something in me change as soon as he was placed on my chest.  I know that every time I see Sean look at him, there is a look that I have never seen.

Looking back, there are a million things we would have done different.  Could we have put off the induction longer?  Could we have denied the second dose of Pitocin?  Could we have prevented the episiotomy?  Had I been able to labor at home, would I have progressed quicker?  What if I wasn’t stuck in bed?

I guess you live and learn right.  Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful I have an amazing little baby boy that is healthy and happy.  I have a family and friends that were concerned about me and my new family.  And I got to go through the toughest thing in my life with the man that means that most to me.  He didn’t leave my side for the 50 some odd hours of labor and birth.  He was there the whole time (unless they made him leave) and put up with sleeping on an uncomfortable chair with his back issue to be there with me.  He did everything he could, he spoke up every chance he could and all he wanted was for me not to have pain.  He was the most wonderful and supportive coach I could have had and I feel closer to him that I ever have after having gone through this.  See, I can explain this to everyone and no one will understand like him, no one else was right next to me during it all.  Just him.  And while we didn’t want to spend that long in the hospital, I am grateful for the time I got to be with him and the love I felt from him.  I am also so grateful for my new family that I have.  Liam is a joy, even when he is crying.  He reminds me to forget about all these details and enjoy the moment with him.  I watch him sleep and eat and look around and I know I am reminded that he is here and he is healthy and happy.  And he reminds me that while things didn’t go according to plans, plans are meant to be broken, from here on out. 

Birthday celebration

Yesterday was my birthday, birthdays are so funny, and become so interesting the older you get.  At this point, it comes and it goes, and we celebrate and do things and I get to use it as an excuse to eat out one more time, take one more day off, you know those things.  But this year, my focus was not on me at all.  Yesterday was my 20 week ultra sound.  I was looking forward to, who doesn't want to hear that everything is all right with your baby.  We were also going to find out the gender of this little wiggly worm.

But we had plenty to do before that day came along.  Sean was off over the weekend and it was the only weekend we would both be off and be here this month.  I wanted to make the most of it.  I always have this grand idea for some great adventures that turn into just the opposite.  On Saturday, we decided Burton needed some dog park time, so we went out to Elk Meadows.  I had to get my run in so I split off from the boys for a while and did that.  Once I caught back up to them, we walked our usual loop and headed back to the car, we had plenty more to do that day.

After a quick shower and lunch (in which I had to throw out at least 2 pieces of bread due to burning while making my grilled cheese sandwich, that didn't end up being very grilled due to me not wanting to burn more bread), we got in the car and headed to Olivia's birthday party.  It was a fun time, Liam was the youngest and was more interested in her toys than the activities, but he still had fun.  Once he was just about in melt down mode, we hit the road again, back to Kittridge, we got work Santa was going to be there.

We got to the park he was supposed to be at and it was quite dark, there were about 20 people hanging out, there was a table with some cookies and hot chocolate and a few garbage cans with fires to keep everyone warm.  Santa and Mrs. Claus were there as well.  We waited in a line of one whole person before Liam went to see Santa.  He wasn't so sure about what was going on, sat for a bit while I held him, cried a little, but managed to cry out that he wanted trucks for Christmas.  It was a cute little moment.  And Santa was so nice to him.  Liam was happy to grab a cookie when we saw the sleigh rides pull up.  Liam got to meet the horses, Kit and Kat and we had to wait for the next ride.  I had some hot chocolate with whipped cream (which I thought was a great addition, forget the marshmellows, that's what I want!) and we waited with a few more cookies for the horse ride.  We got on and went around the neighborhood singing Christmas carols most of the way.  It was a fun night and time to head home and get to bed, after all, I was ready for a big adventure on Sunday.

So, Sunday morning came and we hadn't made any big plans to go and do anything.  We did get some snow, which made me quite happy.  I love the look of the snow on our evergreen trees, the brightness that fresh snow brings and we were pretty sure we weren't going to do to much.  Sean always has a good way of spinning things around.  Instead of being upset about the lack of adventure, he viewed it a different way, we would have a stay mostly home adventure.  We went shopping to get things for me to make cookies, cupcakes and a few other things for Liam's party.  We invited over some friends, we lit a fire and we had a stay home adventure day.  It was great, we baked a bit, played in the snow and got to hang out.  The dogs had a blast and were tired by the end of it all, as I was.  Of course, a few things we made didn't turn out, due to me having a pregnant brain, but in the end, we got a few yummy things from it.

I came to work on Monday and let the boys hang out.  Sean had some plans in town, so we ended up meeting for a sushi dinner at our favorite place.  Our waitress, who just loves Liam, is having a baby in a few weeks and she might look less pregnant that I do.  We had a great time, Liam was being super cute and silly and we headed home.  I took that as my birthday dinner and it was perfect.  I took Tuesday off and we decided to go to Copper to hit the slopes.  It was a great day, they just got some snow the day before and slopes were nicely groomed.  We stuck mostly on greens and threw a few blues in, but it was a great day.  At some point, Sean and I got seperated and I found the most amazing run...situated between evergreens covered in snow, I was the only one on it...I had to stop at some point and just enjoy the amazingness of being there, alone, totally silent, in the middle of a ski resort, being in my my moment.  I tried to take Sean back there, but it didn't work out, he said that maybe that was my moment to have with myself, and it was true.  I loved it.  We left to get home to get Liam and spent the night making cookies, or rather messes and having fun.  Liam thinks it is quite funny to be covered in flour and cover me in it as well.  I plan to make our Christmas cookie making a tradition that I hope he always wants to be a part of.

Then it was my brithday, of course, Liam decided he had no desire to sleep in past when Sean got up to take a shower to think he was going to work.  But he did give me some lovely birthday cuddles to start the day, I'll take that over a kick to the face anyday!  I was hoping Sean could come with me to the ultrasound, but he had to go to work.  He took Liam to day care while I wrapped presents, it seemed like a million, I think we overdid Christmas this year.  I went to my appointment and got to see baby wiggle pants squirm all around as they were trying to take pictures.  Since Sean wasn't there, I had them not tell me the gender, but write it down so we could find out together.  All was good, the baby was healthy and all things looked good.  I even got a follow up e-mail from the doctor confirming the baby was all good.  As soon as I left I called Sean to track him down.  Thankfully he was on his way to a case and had a few minutes to chat, so I met him there and we learned what we are having.  It was nice to share that moment with him instead of finding out by myself, I love that we have moments like that to share and that I didn't peak to find out.

So, there we have it, my birthday celebration.  The night ended with Liam helping me decorate cookies and dumping all the sprinkles on the floor.  I had a nice relaxing and lazy day at home, which is rare for me, but I certainly took advantage of being lazy while I could.  Now, to get back to the million things I have to do before we leave for IL on Sunday!  And Liam's party on Saturday in between!  I'd call it a great birthday, maybe even an awesome celebration weekend!

Thankful

Boy, we have so much to be thankful for, I'm not even sure where to start.  We have food on our table and a roof over our heads.  We have our wonderful family, close and far.  We have an amazing little boy that is turning into such a sweet little kid, it's hard to believe he is only two.  We have a healthy baby on the way in a few months.  We have so much to be thankful for, it's hard to remember it all and put in all into words, so this year, I will just focus on that, our Thanksgiving weekend of 2014.  It started on Tuesday when my parents arrived.  I invited them to join us, thinking that perhaps it'd be too busy of a time, but hoping they would come and spend the time with us.  Sean was on call, so it was quite possible he was going to be gone for the day and I'd love the extra company and help I knew Liam would love the extra attention.  So, I was excited as well as a bit nervous they were coming - now I had to make a Thanksgiving dinner, something I had never done before.




Sean and I got most of the items we needed over the weekend, even the turkey.  I had a terrible vision of us forgetting that, and not having turkey on Thanksgiving.  Sean would have to go out and hunt on, we'd have to de-feather it and the comical scene in my head continues to play - even though we had our turkey.  My mom and I picked up the last few things we needed on Tuesday, got Liam from day care and let the fun weekend begin!  I had to go to work on Wednesday, so my parents kept Liam home that day.  Thankfully, we got to leave at noon and we were able to start the long weekend.  Liam, Dot, Burton and I took a walk down to Miss Sharon's to give her a Thanksgiving Day treat.  It was a lovely walk, but of course, someone seemed to get tired on the uphills.

 I spent some of the morning convincing my parents we could go to the Hawks/Avs game.  They weren't sure, thought it would be too tough for Liam and such, but then I pulled the trigger and we went.  We got some great seats and had so much fun.  Liam watched quite a bit of the game and he got to meet Bernie.  Now, I know we will keep our promise to be a Hawks fan, but it was too hard not to tell Liam to like Bernie, the Avs mascot.  We went and took a picture with him, harassed him a little bit about the Hawks and Liam got a stuffed Bernie to take home with him.  He sleeps with him at night.  But don't worry, the day after the game, Liam found Burton's chuck-it and was tapped in on the ground yelling "Let's go Hawks!"  He learned his lesson!

With the late night, we all slept in nice and late on Thanksgiving, well, except for Sean who had to go off to work.  I was bummed he had to work, but thrilled he got to join us at the game last night.  I knew I had tons to do to get ready for Thanksgiving dinner, but first thing first, I had to get me and Burton and everyone else some fresh mountain air.  We loaded up and head out to Lair O' the Bear to do some hiking.  It's a great place to hike, nice and flat so Liam can hike and not too tough for me to carry him.  We walked for a bit and then Papa decided to wait for us as we explored some more.  Liam found a bridge and plenty of rocks to throw off.  While Dot and Liam were busy doing that, Burton and I got to sneak off and do a trail "run."  I was going my running and walking program, but it felt so nice to do that on a trail.  The part I did most of my running was snowy, right along Bear Creek, the air was fresh and clean, the path was empty, the water was flowing and all I could hear were my footsteps and my breath.  It was so great to to be out doing that again, out in nature, so good for the soul!

 I was gone for about 20 minutes and during that time, Liam and Dot just walked up and down the bridge finding more rocks to through in the water.  The sun was warm and the air was great.  I think we could have stayed there all day, but there was a Thanksgiving feast to prepare.  We headed home, I organized all my recipes and got everything going.  We had a few appeitzers to tide us over until the later than planned dinner.  I think my favorite new thing I tried was twice baked sweet potatoes, they were great.  And yes, of course they were topped with marshmellows.  We had a yummy turkey, I followed a pretty great recipe that covered it in butter and made it nice and juicy.  We had green bean casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes (that were a little less than perfect) and gravy.  It was a pretty traditional Thanksgiving feast.  Of course, Liam wanted nothing to do with the feast, nor his mac and cheese, but he did mostly leave us alone to enjoy our meal in quiet.



The spread looked pretty good, not super fancy, but I think if I continue to host, I'll update a few items, perhaps there is something a little better to serve the turkey on than a hawaiian flowery plate!

We ate, drank and were merry!  It was a wonderful time.  Of course, I would have preferred Sean to be home, but I know how it can go, I don't always expect him to be around, just am thrilled when he is.  Goodness, that only takes us to Thursday!  It was when I woke up Friday morning that not only was I going to have a 2 day weekend (hadn't had one all month), I still had 3 more days to hang out, explore and do whatever else we wanted to do.  Since Sean was working, we decided to leave the house and let him sleep.  We started the day by taking a trip to downtown Evergreen.  We picked up a few donuts and headed down the lake to eat them.  Ice skating hasn't started yet, but they were putting lights up on the tree.  There is a big ceremony they do to light that up and downtown Evergreen.  We plan to go next week and maybe even make it a tradition.

It's fun to be settled somewhere again, and even more fun with a little one.  I always wanted to have certain traditions we did that could pass down to our kids, or things that our kids can have memories of.  And not that I think he will remember anything we do at this point, but to be here now, to be home and to be able to have traditions to start is very exciting.  I wait with excitement until the kids get older to do more things, bigger things that they will remember.

All right, so, Friday, we walked around the lake and then decided to take a ride out to Maxwell Falls.  I had read that it was only a half mile hike to the falls.  We went to the upper trailhead and started on our way.  I forgot to start my phone to see how far we had gone, but I'm pretty sure we went more than a half mile.  We crossed a frozen river and hiked up and up to see what we could see.  We hiked along the creek that was mostly frozen, but in a few spots, water was running through.  We weren't sure how that worked, but it was so pretty.  Liam did some walking at first, picking up rocks along the way.  We decided to go a little father and went up and up.  Liam got in the backpack for this part.  We saw a few other people and some dogs swimming.  Liam enjoyed that.  We weren't quite sure if we made it to the falls, the rocks were mostly snowy and frozen, but it was a pretty hike nonetheless.  We made our way back to the car and decided to head home since it was getting late.  Had some lunch at home and Liam took a nap.  From what I remember, we stayed home Friday night, had some leftovers and tried to figure out what to do on Saturday.

It was another day of sleeping late for Liam, so I will often stay in bed with him, just to make sure he is sleeping, right?  We got up and got the day going and headed out to Staunton State Park.  It was a place my parents came with Liam, but Sean and I hadn't been.  Some of the trails were closed and hidden pretty far back, but it was a great place to escape.  We did a great little loop and after some walking, Sean and I hit the trail running - which is much harder when going uphill and at over 8,200 feet.  I was dying!  But we made it and just as we finished, we found Liam with my parents.  He was being silly with daddy, getting snow and throwing it at Burton and everyone else.  He was cracking up everytime he touched the snow.  This is a better reaction than last year's crying to the touch of snow.  We headed to town for lunch and some errands with enough time for Sean and I to get home, showered and ready for our 5 year anniversary date.  He took me to cook some fondue downtown.  We also walked around and looked at lights and the Chriskindlemart.  It was a lovely ending the the perfect weekend.  Yeah, we will just end the weekend there, no need to mention the germs that have entered the house...

My parents left on Monday, too soon, if you ask me.  But we will see them again soon.  Liam  had a great time playing with the new BBQ set and other toys that Dot and Papa brought.  He was also excited to find an early St. Nick's day present.  Which reminds me that I need to get MUCH more on the ball with things if I want to start family traditions - not that I missed that yet, but, well, chances are I might!

Again, so much to be thankful for, but this weekend, I was thankful my parents came out and that they are willing to out and explore a bit, even if we don't find what we are looking for, it was such a great reminder that the journey is the destination.  Now, to start decorating and getting ready for Christmas, which will give me even more to be thankful for!