My plan was to get something done last night. Sean was working on a case, something I hadn't been around for in a while. I had to get the kids up yesterday morning, get them to day care, get to work, get home and get them and so on. At times, Cora is starting to want to do more, play more and need more attention than me just sitting in one place nursing her. We did play outside for a while, but then it ended up being a lazy night and we watched a movie. It was bedtime and I was getting a little nervous - we got out of our good routine and it was the first night in a long time I had to put Liam to bed while I had Cora. It actually worked out well, we did some stories and then snuggled. Liam was too busy making Cora laugh to go to sleep, so I decided it was time for us to leave. He wasn't happy about that and we went through our normal, stay in bed or I shut your door, pitter patter feet, door shut, crying, me saying get back into bed and finally with Liam in bed, I sat in the rocking chair for a few minutes as he dozed off. I snuck downstairs, fed Cora off to sleep and watching some TV for a bit. Success, both kids were sleeping by 8:30 or so, of course Cora was on my lap, but so be it, it stopped me from getting up to get too many late night snacks!
We had a rough night, Liam woke up at some point and came into our room. He ended up spitting up a couple of times in our bed. Had to clean up and change the sheets - of course, Cora was actually sleeping at this point, until I had to move her for sheet changing. Liam went back to his bed and I snuggled him for a bit until I heard Cora getting fussy, so I went back to our room to try and get her settled. And then I hear him coughing so more, so I run back to his room to clean up a little more spit up. Thankfully, he had an extra sheet and blanket on his bed from when he went to bed in underpants the other night, so that was a quick clean up - he asked for more cuddles and he finally drifted off to sleep. This takes us to about 3:00 AM and Cora thinks it's way too funny to be awake right now - she was so not sleeping! I mostly assumed I was done sleeping for the night, but I got her to lay down and nurse - I have no idea when she fell asleep, but I finally did.
Sean came home around 5:00 AM or so, seeing a few bears on the way and went in to snuggle with Liam. Cora was wide awake around 6:30 when I got out of the shower so we went downstairs to get ready for the day. It was getting time for me to leave and I had to pry Liam out of bed, crying for daddy the whole time. I was worried we were going to have a really rough time getting to Sharon's, however, when we went in Liam's room to get dressed, we looked out the window and saw 2 deer eating, right there. Then, we kept looking and saw about 7 total deer, including a baby one. The mood of the morning changed, Liam was so excited to see the deer, he forgot about how upset he was...it was great. I was so happy to were able to turn things around like that. We left to go to Sharon's and a deer blocked our path to our car - a little alarming, but ran away as we got closer.
I feel like today is always a day we are told to remember everything about 9/11 - the bad things that happened, the way a country came together and most importantly, everyone that lost their lives. I always remember the trip my friend and I took to NY just a few days before and the run I took with no sound of airplanes. I remember the prayers I said on that run for everyone involved and how grateful I felt to be home with my family.
And today, I think about the same things, I think about how one day, Liam and Cora will learn about this in school and we will talk about it. But I also feel so grateful today, grateful to be where I am with my family, grateful to have a family and friends both near and far. I have been having a hard time getting my words and thoughts together today, perhaps it's the lack of sleep or perhaps it's the magnitude of the day, or perhaps I haven't been able to get my thoughts straight since the shooting in Fox Lake last week.
I've been wanting to make sense of another pointless tragedy that has taken place, but no sense can be made from it. And the more it is covered, the more those killers are sensationalized, the more it is about them and it wasn't about them. It was about Lt. Joe. I have wanted to write about him, about the situation for a while, and I guess today is the day.
I was so lucky to have met Lt. Joe. He worked with me on the Polar Plunge and I loved his energy, it was infectious. I remember asking him one day how it maintained it - it was a natural high, he would say, from being up at 4:30 AM working out that day. I'm pretty sure I had Liam just before that and I couldn't even think of being awake at that time, but he said, if it mattered, you'd make time for it. Since his passing, that's all I can think about when I read stories about him, see the coverage etc. I've been thinking about what matters, how precious life is, how you really never know when something might happen. And you can live in fear of it all or you can just accept it and make the most of life that you have, which is what I am trying to do. I'm trying to remember the conversations I had with Lt. Joe and the smile he always had on his face, and how anything you asked of him, wasn't a problem. It was so inspiring to see so many people pull together as a community, a community I was honored to work with on the Polar Plunge, a community that amazed me during those days and a community that showed America and everyone what one small community can do if it pulls together. And Lt. Joe was the reason behind it all, he brought the best out of everyone he knew, even the little bit I knew him. I'm sure I can keep writing about him and the situation, again, it has been in my head and heart for so long. So many people sad so many great things about him, the person he was, the spirit he had...and I am choosing to be inspired by it and by him and take this all as a reminder, a reminder that it really doesn't matter if Liam forgets to use the potty, or doesn't listen to something I say. What matters is how I react to it all, so that Liam and Cora can learn to be a happy and grateful person, because that is what I feel right now, grateful - to be here on earth to make a difference, to be able to embrace those kiddos and my husband every night and to be grateful that I have life and to make the most of it. All in all, it's a good day to remember, but it's a better day to be grateful.
