We are done!

Finally, it has been a long 14 weeks, that when looking back, seemed to go by in a flash.  But we are done, Sean graduated on Friday afternoon and is now officially a fireman.  It was such a wonderful fun, full of emotions, crazy kids running around and a very handsome husband in his fancy fire uniform.  I was a little worried about the ceremony, about me, about how emotional I'd be, about how'd I miss too many moments of it chasing the kids around and the list goes on.  I would get choked up the day before when I thought it, I spent the morning figuring out how to minimize my crying at the ceremony and then just decided to accept what would happen as it came to me.  We spent 14 long weeks counting down to this moment, working hard to keep our lives as normal as possible and finally, we were here!  Daddy was going to be a real fireman - so if I cried, so be it!

The first time Sean came home
with his gear to practice, Liam
had to get dressed as well.

I got the kids ready and as I was doing so, I was realizing this was the end...and a new beginning.  I was done being mostly a single parent, needing to drop the kids each morning and make sure I am there each night to get them...get dinner ready and sometimes get dinner started while Sean worked his butt off at academy, physically and mentally.  It made me appreciate him and our teamwork so much more.  It made me stronger, made me see I could do it all...mostly.  I was able to get the kids taken care of, get my work done and keep a mostly sane household.  It wasn't easy, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry and freak out a few times, but it seemed like at some point, my focus shifted.  I went from needing to be in charge of everything to picking my battles.  I didn't argue with Liam when he wouldn't get dressed up stairs, I worked with him to convince him to get dressed when he wanted to.  We had mornings where I yelled at him for not getting ready fast enough, not doing his chores and not getting dressed when I needed him to.  But we also had mornings where we all clicked.  The kids slept late enough for me to shower and get ready, but woke up early enough to get some breakfast and play time before we rushed out the door.  Those were the mornings I remember and I hope the kids do as well.  But the other mornings happened, and so did rough dinners and everything in between.  But we made it, and I learned to manage time a little bit better.  I relied on Sean when he was around so I could get my workout in.  I woke up early to not be rushed.  I went to bed early to not be tired.  I think we changed our way of thinking about a lot of things and I think it was all for the better.

Don't get me wrong, life has always been pretty amazing for me, with Sean and the kids.  I love every moment of us all being together, when Sean wants me to take time for me, I'd prefer we all do things together.  But something changed these past 14 weeks....something inside of me.  I realized how hard I can work on my own to support him, which was really working with him.  I noticed how my hard work at home carried over to my job.  I'll tell you it was not easy having Sean gone as much as he was when I was planning Summer Games, our biggest even of the year.  I woke up earlier than I care to admit, worked during hours I should have been sleeping and probably told Liam WAY too many times I was busy working.  But we got it done.  At some point, I knew I needed to get Liam to help me with work, so we'd run errands if needed to.  I remember going to Sports Authority to buy 15 soccer balls with the kids, all balanced delicately on the cart, until I hit a pot hole in the parking lot and balls went everywhere with me running after them, wearing Cora and Liam in the shopping cart.  I just picked us up and moved along, which seems to be something I got a little better at these past few months.  Not everything is the end of the world...we can always look past what we are doing and get to the next thing.  Sometimes that was much easier than I thought it would be and sometimes that was tough.

Liam is so happy daddy is a
fireman, I won't be able to compete!

Liam had a few mornings in a row of being rough, not sleeping enough, and just being crabby.  He would spill something and cry at each meal and in watching him, I learned to let it go, he was sad and crying, how could I get upset with him.  So, we started working together to clean it up.  I watched Liam grow so much the past few months, I gave him the job of being a big helper and he did great, most days.  Somedays, he didn't, somedays, I didn't.  Some mornings, I'd get so mad at him as he giggled an ran around the inside of the car so I'd chase him around opening all the doors...I'd just walk away with Cora until he was upset I wasn't getting him.  The same thing would happen at home, he wouldn't get ready and I'd tell him I was leaving.  Would I prefer to have dealt with all of that different, for sure...but I'll admit that somedays I didn't have anything else to give.  In the end of it all, I couldn't have done as well as I did without Liam stepping up as he did, on most days!

Twins!  

And Cora, little Cora, who is now my big walking girl...she changed so much too.  She had some rough spells, nights where we'd be up all night long, I'd thankfully have work to do, but her missing her sleep was not great.  It wasn't great I wasn't sleeping either.  She was getting teeth, or getting ready to walk, or whatever it may be, she wasn't sleeping.  So, we worked through that, thankfully.  And then, weeks before my big event, she got sick, had to stay with Mommy.  I'll admit, I didn't hate the extra cuddles, but trying to get all the things done I needed to while she was sick was tough, very tough!  But we made it, she made it and man, she has really started to become her own person - her own tantrums and wants and needs...forgot how crabby a little kiddo that can't communicate that well can be.  She is learning how to pick on her brother and drive him crazy and I'm learning it's not always Liam's fault - it might be mostly Cora's fault.

And now on to Sean, I'll keep his part short as I'm sure he'll get mad at me if I say too much.  I will say that Sean is the kind of person that is good at just about everything.  He'll go run a race after not running for 3 months and come in 3rd...whereas I will train for 3 months for a race and be happy I didn't die.  I'm so happy for him and how he can do that and so jealous all at the same time.  But he had to work for this, and he worked hard.  He studied more than I'm sure he wanted to and worked out at levels he probably hasn't reached in a while.  He got fit and strong and is maybe in the best shape of his life and now he is a firefighter and I couldn't be prouder of him.  I think that's what made me want to cry the most at his ceremony...how proud I was of him...of the whole process, of his desire to take on this new challenge.  He has always been pretty amazing in my eyes, and I know the kids have always adored him, however, now is so much more.  It's hard to put into words, but I'm beyond thrilled to have him back around and I know the kids are as well.

When you have a sick kid and you have to get
work done!

And finally me...there is time for me again.  I mean, not tons of time because kids and work and life and everything else, but there is still me.  I'm so excited to be able to leave for work early on some days and miss traffic, or stay late for an after work drink or workout.  I am also so happy that while all this was going on, working out is what kept me sane and on track.  My lunch workouts would be such a great pick me up, I'd never want to miss, even if it meant waking up extra early to get work done.  I'm proud that I still took care of myself during this busy time.  I ate decent, I worked out and was active and I was overall pretty happy.  Again, we had some rough days, days where I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to do it, but in the end, I did it, we did it.  And we certainly came out stronger on the other side.  This was just  a taste for me, of what I can do, of how much more I can achieve and of just how far I can go.

So happy it's done, so proud of this
man  and everything he did!

So, now we start again, a new chapter, a chapter of a different schedule, more days home for Sean, but more nights he will miss bedtime.  This new chapter is scary for me...now he's a real fireman and I've seen plenty of fireman movies and TVs - and that has to be real, right?  But honestly, it scares me a bit...the dangers of the job, but they go well with our dangers of life, so I will accept and move on and know that all will happen for a reason.  For now, I will enjoy everyday I have with everyone and look forward to life now that I have my teammate and best friend back.  And I'll hug those kids and Sean and each time I leave and see them again and let them know just how much I love them and I love the life we have created, even with the new turns!