A busy few days and plenty to think about

We got home from the hot springs trip on Saturday and I knew I still had two days to make the most of.  Sean was on call yesterday and had some work to do during the day, but I had enough time to make so many things that I needed to make to ensure I was going to keep on track with my eating real and eating healthy.  We were running out of leftovers and other food to eat, so it was much needed.

I started the day making some butternut squash soup with a new recipe.  It was all right, ended up being much for full of other veggies and losing the butternut taste.  I also made some dried chickpeas in the soup.  Once I had that rolling, Sean decided he wanted some rice for a snack, easy enough.  Once that was done, it was time to make some peanut butter.  And next, on to the hummus, however, out tahini was bad, so I had to make that as well - roasted red pepper hummus with homemade tahini - so good, best I have ever made.  Then I was onto the cinnamon raisin bread, however, the only apple sauce we had was full of high fructose corn syrup.  Seemed silly to make a bread that's good for you with that in it.  So, Sean made me some apple sauce - even better than the jar stuff.  It's strange, I have made the bread 3 times and it has been different each time, always good, but still different.

I also decided I wanted to make some graham crackers.  I couldn't trick Liam with the goldfish crackers I made, would he fall for it with the graham crackers - success - as soon as he got up from nap, he had 3 of them.  Of course, I was kind of dumb to not leave them as big crackers as he likes, but it still worked.  I also whipped up a batch of some homemade Gatorade.  And then I was beat.  We had dinner in the crock pot, plenty of snacks for a few days and a nice re-hydrating drink.  It was great, exhausting, but great.  I think I washed dishes about 30 times.  We had a nice early nice and while the house wasn't perfectly clean, it was good enough for me for bed.

We got up on Sunday after Liam tossed and turned quite a bit, turning himself upside down leaving his feet where our heads were and somehow this all resulted in less kicking.  Sean had work to do so I decided Burton needed some dog park time.  We loaded up and head to the dog park.  It was so much fun.  Liam worked with me so well to get in the Ergo and Burton was thrilled.  I was so glad I wore my ice shoes, something I bought at REI years ago and used a few times.  They have the ice spikes already in them, no messing with attaching things to them and man, they worked.  There were plenty of spots where I saw people fall, or saw really bad ice, Burton even slipped a few times, but nothing for me.  We had a great time, did a couple of miles and I felt pretty darn good to not only carry about Liam, but also carrying his little sister as well.  I'm guessing that will be much harder when she is born.

I told Liam that I was so happy to go on a little adventure with him, I felt like at first, went  all the time, somewhere new, the same place, didn't matter, we just headed out.  The past few months we haven't been doing that.  And I'm not sure why, maybe we have been too busy, maybe Sean has been home so we stuck around here to hang out, but all I know is that I realized that I don't have too many more days like that - all right, I have about 100 more days, not that I'm counting, but well, before we know it, we will have another little one to take with on adventures, which is great.  But it made me a little sad, my little guy, I'll have to share my attention, he won't get all of my attention, which is probably a good thing.  And I think being a little sad about having to divide my time with Liam and the next one is normal, right?  All moms have to go through that, the feeling of having to let go of your first, moving on to the the second, figuring out how in god's name I will balance all of it when sometimes I barely think I can handle this!

Ah, but that's for another time, I have a few more months to worry about that, so for now, I'm going to enjoy this pregnancy (it has been much tougher than Liam's), bond with my little girl, and spend as much time with Liam as possible.  We have a million things we want to do before the baby comes and it'll happen, or it won't.  But in the end, the moments I have with Liam right now, as my only kid, will be the moments I enjoy.  I'll remember that his kicks at night means that I am supplying him with some love and cuddles.  I'll remember his throwing his food on the floor just shows that he has his own ideas and thoughts.  I'll think that every time I pick up one more car and put it away, it is Liam finding things that he loves to do.  I'll smile at him when he is playing and using his imagination instead of finding other things to do during that time.  I'll pick him up when he wants me to, I'll snuggle and read an extra book now and then if he needs me to stay.  And I'll happily pick him up when he stomps into our room and needs cuddles at night.  I know things will change when this little girl comes along, I know that I won't be able to give Liam all that attention.  And I know people will think I should start preparing him for that now, but for now, I'll just spend time with him.  I'll talk to him about his baby sister - which he has recently started carrying around a little baby doll calling it his baby sister - and I'll enjoy him, every moment of him, even the ones that drive me nuts.

We have time to figure out what to do when she gets here and even though we might have the best ideas, we never know what will happen.  So we will go with it and figure it out - all we need is the love that our family can provide, the rest will fall into place, or not, either way, we will all have each other!

Valley View Hot Springs

So, I've been complaining (I tried to come up with a different word, but if I want to be honest with myself, it was complaining) about needing more adventures, more mountain time, more nature, more new things.  So, it was funny when were gearing up for our Hot Springs adventure and I was a little whiny about it.  It was an exhausting work week, I worked my butt off, way too many hours, not enough sleep and thankfully I kept up eating well and mostly working out - that's all that kept me sane.  I was jealous I couldn't take any days off to join the crew riding, I barely even had time to hang out with Johanna and Clint, which I felt terrible about.  Anyways, Friday came, I got to leave work and mostly not think about it and get away, but somehow, I found things wrong with it.

The drive was about 3 hours, which was a little long for just an overnight.  At least that was my thinking when we left.  I was excited to go do something new.  Johanna had been to the place, made reservations and to be honest, I paid little attention to where we were going until we got in the car.  So, we drove, and in true Liam fashion, he didn't want to sleep - he wanted to talk, sing, scream, giggle, play and just about anything else except sleeping.  He finally dozed off when we were just about there, of course, but it was something.  We got to the springs and had to check in, Liam was still sleeping so I stayed in the car.  They group checked in and got all the information, it was about 4:00 or so when we got there.  There was still plenty of time to get hot springing in my mind.  I was a little concerned about being pregnant and being in the warm water, but the temperatures weren't nearly as hot as a bath I would take - which doesn't make my baths right, but well, I think she was all right with the temps.  We got to our cabin and I had some slight issues with the distance to the bathroom and the lack of kitchen - again, things I knew coming into it, but things I forget.  And yes, I like camping, love it I should say.  So, I often don't even have a bathroom, I use the woods and kitchen - nope, we use a tiny burner to cook food, but for some reason, I struggle with the middle ground, like either give me it all or nothing.  Anyways, I got over it...finally, eventually.

But before all of that, we got ready to head to the hot springs.  Johanna and Clint were going to hike about a 1/4 of a mile up the mountain to get to the most natural hot springs.  Sean and I decided that doing that, or rather doing the down part in the dark with Liam might be difficult so we went to the near pools.  And they were great, there were 2, one upper, a little warmer and a cooler one.  Liam had a blast, swimming around, splashing, talking to people, just about everything.  It was getting late and we decided it was time to head back to the cabin.  Somehow, it got really late, so Liam had a few snacks, a typical dinner for him and we laid down for bed.  Now, the cabin we were in was really tiny, a bed and a table downstairs and a loft up.  There wasn't a lot of room for anything other than being in bed.  I'm not complaining, I enjoyed the fact that I was "stuck" in bed.  So, we all dozed off until Johanna and Clint came back.  I stayed with Liam while Sean went to get us some food, make it, I mean.  He brought food back, we ate, had cake for Johanna and Sean decided we should head back out to the springs.  And we did.  Johanna and Clint watched Liam, thankfully he slept the whole time and we snuck off to pretty much heaven, a hot spring under the crystal clear starry sky, alone, in the peace and quiet of nature, again, pretty much heaven.

It was so nice, so nice to be away from everything, to be with each other and to just enjoy the mountains - something we moved here for.  The next day we went to the top - barely made it up and down, but it was amazing, the natural spring that was warm in the cold day.  I'm sure I could write more and more and more, but for now, I'll leave it at that, I'll remember all the good things and let it be.  It was a great place to go and we plan to go back.  It was a good escape, scratch that, a great escape.

Choose your own adventure

It was another weekend passed and another weekend full of fun, adventure and good times.  I'd be great if that's all that the weekend encompassed.  However, I have been having a few rough days, struggling with my limitations, forgetting all the great things I am doing while pregnant, feeling less like myself and more like I'm falling out of the loop of fun things.  I've been feeling like plans are made without me, like I'm being left behind in all the adventures that are ahead of us, or what was supposed to be ahead of us.  We moved here for adventures, to be outside, for the mountains and I feel like the last few months, we have not taken advantage of that.  We have been dealing with the house and going to the same parks, and I have been wanting new and new and new adventure for quite some time.  So, when I found out Sean was taking a new adventure, I thought it was great, good for him, but felt left behind and forgotten about.  I mean, when do I get to take an adventure - that's a new one, that's something we haven't done before, that challenges me and takes me to the mountains.  Perhaps I need to find one on my own, and I'd be happy to, but mostly I'll have Liam and this other baby to take care of.  So, what am I to do?  Just wait around for an adventure to come and get me or make a plan to have one.  It's been a hard balance and I can't ever be sure I'll find the answers to it, but this weekend sure did help.

Sean and I went back to the place we went to the day before - of course, we didn't take our snowboards, just our snowshoes, Liam in a back pack, our hiking poles and we headed on our way - and we got out of the house impressively quick, it's nice to have some sort organization, makes going on the trips that much more fun.  So, we went, after debating and me being upset about this or that, or everything...and it was amazing.  We went to Berthoud Pass, Sean took most of the pictures, but I got a few to start the day - this was what I think might be our first family selfie - Burton had to stay home, or rather, was too tired to get off the couch to greet me last night from his adventure with Sean.  So, it's not a full family selfie, but you get the picture!

Liam wasn't looking so he gets his own - with his super cool shades that he put on by himself.  Oh and yes, those are the most awesome long underwear ever - some cuddle duds for him, a matching set with the cutest little forest animals on them...picked some up for his sister so one day, they will be matching!  And the first picture, he needed to take his socks off, and yes, we were still in the driveway.  

So, off we went, to do some back country snowshoeing, so I can see what it would be like to ever back country snowboard, so we can get some fresh mountain air and beautiful sunshine, so we can spend some time together, as a family, lost(ish) in the mountains as we always dreamed about.  We drove about an hour or so to get to the area we were going to walk in.  It was a bit crowded, most people seemed to be wrapping up their day of skiing or riding, but we had plenty of time to hike...so off we went.  I'm sure I can spend much more time of this hike, like that we joked to set up base camp after about 10 minutes of hiking, or how I fell into some deep snow, up to my knees and hate to fight my way out.  But, I think more was learned and we talked, and experienced the nature as we hadn't in a long time.  The views were amazing, the air was clear, the hills were steep, and through it all, we discovered a few things.  

We need to have a plan - some plans or things we want to do this year, set them and accomplish them.  I want to sleep under the stars for 12 months (stole that from another outdoor blog), but in all reality, that might be hard with a new baby, so we will shoot for 6 months, hoping that the first will be in a couple of weeks.  We want to climb 14ers, but with 2 kids and no llama to be our Sherpa, that may not happen this year, that doesn't mean we can't clime 12ers, or even lower peaks to see how the kids handle long hikes, etc.  We want to do so many things, I think we forget that the world is ours, it's open and it's ours.  The world we want is in our backyard, it's 5 minutes away, it's 4 hours away.  Regardless, we can pick what we want to do, and I have a say in it, pregnant or not, newborn or not, we are going to continue to experience the life we moved here for and now that we are more settled, we will be able to do that more and more.  

So, it's time to choose, I can continue to feel left out of adventures, or I can turn ahead to the next page an I can go climbing today over lunch to get ready for next summer's climbs.  And my choice, will be to turn the page, move ahead and live the life I want and that we want, remembering who I am deep down inside and letting that person out, whether I am pregnant, nursing a newborn or lugging around a toddler and a little kid in a few years, I can still be me and we can still choose the next page for the best adventure yet.  

The year of...

...me being a complete and total badass, but not in a bad way, in the best possible way.  It's been a great year since we moved here, I learned and grew a great deal, but there is always room for better, in my mind.  In my mind, if I am content on where I am in life, that is great, but it also means there is room for more in my life.  My life seems to be fuller and more complete when I have a million things going on that I can't keep track of.  My life seems to be happier when we are busy and on the go.  So, that's why I am going to become a complete and total badass.

I read this book recently about how to stop living the same life and rise above and be a badass, it's great, it's about believing in yourself, not doubting yourself or who you are and just overall kicking some butt.  It's about how to change your same old stories that plague you.  The book has done wonders for me, it was very sad to be done with it.  I have already gone back and read parts that helped me get through some tough times.  And I plan to do it again, make it a workbook for me to keep living an amazing life, a book that someday I can hand to my daughter when she needs it and talk to her about it and work with her on how to get it.

But it isn't that easy, it's not just like you read a book and become a badass, there is some work involved.  And it was working, I was doing great, then fell off the badass wagon and became a little less than badass.  I was still doing well, just not as badass as I felt when I was in the depths of the book.  And when I was in the book, I liked being a badass, I liked not making excuses to not get things done, I liked the calm approach I had with Liam, I liked the energy that surrounded me and my life.  And I'm ready to have it back.  Not just while I'm reading the book, but at all times.  I want to feel the sense of peace that has come back to me since I started working out and eating right.  I want to feel the power and strength of my body as I get back into my running and walking work outs.  I want to be the strong and powerful person I am at work, at home and everywhere in between.

It's hard to get out of a routine, we were out of a routine, being back in Illinois, not working, not going to day care, but now is the time to get back to it, to make habits out of it, to make being a badass a habit and part of who I am, not just a part in a book that I am interested in.  It's time for me to shine.  Yes, I'm having a baby, but that shouldn't stop me from keeping myself fit and sane with my workouts and things I love to do.  Ooh, it feels so good to be on the track I'm on right now, eating well, eating real, working out, staying fit, being active.  It's a place my life is the best at and the place I belong.  So now I work to find my balance.  My balance between not being too hard on myself and being a badass.  The balance that life needs so much of, and that I think sometimes I use as an excuse.  The balance that can derail me with excuses - so, then, the question is - how - how do I balance all I want to do and be with what is reality?

And if I learned one thing in my book it was about stories, about how your same old stories of falling off the wagon don't have to be your stories of the past - my excuses of balance don't even need to exist to be honest.  My new story is that I will maintain my life as is and continue to work each day to be more and more badass, through reading, writing,  yoga, running, playing with Liam and anything else that makes me feel the way I want to feel at all times.  My new story will become my habits and will become my life - no more excuses of the holidays, pregnancy, this or that or anything else, just me becoming the best badass that I want to be.  I can do it, I will do it, the time is now, today, to continue the ball rolling, the ball that will never stop!

Getting real

It has been something I have been toying with since the summer, then I got sidetracked with the pregnancy and feeling not so great...so I pushed it aside, but I figure what better time than the new year to start something new - totally new.  Getting real - with food that is, eating Real Food.  I got a great new cookbook for my birthday that I asked for along with a great bottle to make your own salad dressing.  And I had a few days off to shop and get a few groceries.  And I had some time to find some recipes and cook and I decided it's going to happen.  Now, I know it won't be a 100% of the time kind of thing, and I also know that in addition to keeping the food we eat real, I also have to be realistic about what I can and can't do.  There are many websites out about it, 100 Days of Real Food is the one I have read the most - and somethings seem hard for now, some things turn me off, some things make it easy to make excuses - for now.

So I have to adapt, to make it work for me.  I might not be able to ensure my meat is within 100 miles of my hometown at this point, but I can ensure that it is as good for me as it can be.  I also know that we can meals at night that are whole and real, perhaps not perfect, but not processed, not chemical, not terrible for us.  Sean is sort of on board, I'll be impressed if my wanting to make this change will get him off his Mountain Dew and junk food snacks, but I can do the best I can to get him on board.  I can work with him to make ice cream that is more natural than what the ice cream he has.  I also am completely aware that this will be more work, but to be honest, the last few days haven't been so hard.  I made some peanut butter from nuts I got.  I made some caesar dressing for salads we had the other nice, I even made some croutons - again, not big deals, but still something.  I made a great more natural version of hamburger helper that Sean was impressed with and it wasn't even that much harder than opening a box.  Tonight we had a great little tossed together, nice and easy and super tasty rice and beans.  It got me excited to have easy meals on hand, meals I know how to make so I'm not looking for a recipe ever night for dinner.  It made me realize that we have sort of tried to be more real with our food over the last few days and the majority of our meals met the standards I have been shooting for.

Sure, we have a long way to go.  I'd love to make my own bread, get meat from closer sources, always have two fruits or vegetables at dinner, but I'll take the strides we have made so far, in just a few days.  I'm excited to get more quality ingredients to make more good food.  I have a great recipe for some cinnamon raisin bread that I'm excited to try - just thinking about that toasted with some melted butter, yum...a perfect addition to my smoothie for breakfast.  The "goldfish" crackers I made a few times were quite tasty and I'm hoping with a little more practice, Liam will decide to eat them.  I found a great brown rice pasta at Costco that I plan on getting when we are low on pasta again.  I found a great recipe for homemade Gatorade, tasty and good, but no dyes.  It is exciting, the more and more we do, the better I feel about what we are eating, the more I want to find things that are good, easy and natural, not processed.

I guess in a way, I've always thought about things like this, wanted to eat better, and by better, I think the less processed road is the way to go at this point.  There is so much out there about eating real - there are at least 3 or 4 easy to find documentaries on Netflix all about it, and yes, I'm watching one now.  I can't know that Liam or Sean or even me at times will follow all the rules, but I feel that I owe it to myself, to my family to do what I can to teach them and me about the best way to live.  I know, I know, there are always so many new things going around, new fad diets, etc.  And I'm on this band-wagon so to speak.  But my plan is never to diet again, I have been through them, did weight watchers for a while, looked for the food with the lowest points, didn't care about the ingredients and while I dropped pounds at times, so it worked.  But to be honest, I don't want to teach my kids to deprive themselves of things.  It makes sense to eat food that is natural and not processed.  It makes sense to have fresh food and cook that food for myself - not just heat it up, not just buy it pre-made.  I want to teach them to taste food, like it, have fun with it and enjoy it.  I want Sean to learn to like food and want to choose good food - I want to make good choices and not make it be hard, I want to make it a habit.  That's my plan....and maybe starting slow-ish will backfire on me, perhaps I should just overhaul the kitchen, throw out all the food that's processed and start from scratch.  But the reality of that isn't going to happen and work for us.  It'll be a slow process and I'll never totally get rid of Oreos in the house (although we haven't had them for a while), I'll never make my kids not enjoy what they want to eat at a birthday party and such, but I will do my best to keep this house as real as can be - and food is only the beginning!

Love the snow

Today was my last day of vacation, well, actually, I was working from home, and I fit in pretty much all the work I planned on taking care of, meaning I am headed back to work on Monday, not having to weed through tons of e-mails and I can just get back into things and fully into planning Winter Games...and well, everything else so that when I have this baby, things will be all in place come April when this kiddo is born.  So, today was also a day where I took a little bit of a long lunch break.  Sean, Liam, Burton and I went over to Mt. Falcon Park for a snowshoe adventure.  I'll be honest, it was a rough start.  Burton was pulling his leash, Liam was crabbing for some reason or another and I just mostly wanted to some peace.  I wanted to use my new snowshoes.  After about a half a mile, if even that, I was ready to turn around and go back, I was done, Liam was crying, Burton was pulling the leash, ugh, just rough.  Anyways, I stopped, took a breather and decided to change my story.  My story wasn't going to be about how I went back to the car and quit, it was going to be about turning it around and going for a nice snowshoe hike, to get some great mountain views.  So, we went along, we hiked and Liam fell asleep and Sean and I talked, hiked, rested and had fun.  We also let Burton be pretty free, which was nice...he had a blast, he wasn't annoying me, overall, it ended up being great.  We went out for about 4 miles or so...or less, but it was fun.  I forgot how great it felt to be outside, hiking, in nature, in my element, where I belong.  It was a little bit of a bummer to realize it was my last day off, it has been a great 2 weeks and while we didn't get to play in the snow all the time, we had our moments.  I have one more weekend to make the most of it, and I plan to.