One bottle

So, this morning on my way out to the car on trip one, taking the bags and things for the day, I held a bottle of milk for Cora, about 9 ounces, pretty good amount of mommy milk for her to still be having.  And it slipped out of my hand as I was trying to get Burton, who is coned and leashed at all times, to pee.  I was so made, the bottle dropped and broke and I was able to save about 3 ounces while I watched the rest soak up into our driveway.  Then I watched as Burton smelled this, somehow blaming him or everything for it.  So, I picked up the broken bottle and saved what I could and somehow managed to get everyone out of the house on time again.  I've been in a good groove with that, but man, I am sure am ready to not rush out the door tomorrow morning.

I took then kids and went on my way, it was only during my drive to work that I really started to think about that bottle.  That particular bottle was one that we got for Liam when he was on his nursing strike, we were told it would better as it came with some fancy slow flow nipple.  We used it for a while, but it turned out that Liam figured it out and the milk was coming out too fast, not what we were hoping for to get him back to nursing.  It was a bottle that I used for pumping when I was back at work, watching the ounces fill, always worrying if it would be enough for the next day.  It was a bottle that reminds me of so much and while I know it seems silly that one little bottle can you remind you of over a year of nursing with one kid, remembering the struggles and the victories we had, and then meaning something totally different with Cora.  With Liam, I didn't seem to make as much milk, I did everything and I was able to get just about enough, but with Cora, I've been lucky.  I never had to supplement her with anything, so it was a joy pumping in this large bottle, after all, the first pump of the day used to fill it at least half way.

But now the bottle is broken.  And it makes me sad.  I am so happy my nursing journey with Liam ended so positive, it got me ready for the amazing trip with Cora.  She has been great, always wanting to be close and nurse, even if I need a break, always having enough milk and filling this bottle that shattered today before me.  So, while I'm sad about it and realizing what it all meant to me, I feel all right letting this bottle go, it means we are on to the next part, the part where Cora doens't need me as much, but still wants me, and that's one of the best parts I remember with Liam.  The mornings when he'd wake up and want to nurse, nursing him to sleep and snuggling him close.

There is no way to know when she will be done, when she will just be over it like Liam was, I feel like it happened so suddenly with him and it might be the same with her.  But I also know that I won't make her stop nursing.  This bottle breaking is just that, a bottle breaking, a way for me to remember how far I came with Liam and how great Cora and I did.  I remember the struggles and the joys of the first latch with both kids, the sometimes pain of Cora's newborn little mouth, the first teeth that made things a little more difficult.  But in the end, I wouldn't trade either of my journeys.  While Cora's might have been easier, I don't know if I could have done it without knowing all I learned from Liam, the groups I attended, the strangers that reached out to help because we had the same goal.

So, the bottle, it's still in my sink, I didn't get to dishes today, and it makes me a little sad to see it broken, but I know it's just another step in the journey.  Now it's time to nurse little Cora to sleep and enjoy every moment I have left with her.