...and go be it. I bought a shirt with this on it at the Avett Brothers show that Sean and I went to a few weeks ago. And the statement just sits with me. Decide what to be - well, that's easier said that done, how can I decide what to be when all sorts of things happening in my life are mostly telling me what to be, dictating how to use my time and not giving me a huge chance to decide for myself. And then just go be it...it's just that easy, right? Just go be whatever you want to me...just decide.
I struggled with that over this weekend a little bit. We had a nice weekend, stayed around our house and had some mini-adventures. It was so fun. Yesterday we decided to take my new bike out for a ride while Sean pulled the kids. It was a new path in Clear Canyon running right along the creek. It was a great, the sun was out but it hadn't gotten too hot yet, the water was running along the creek and the path wasn't too crowded. Then we got to the end, and it ended right at some mountain bike trails. Perfect, right? Well, Sean told me to go ride and I just couldn't. I decided I wasn't going to do well and it happened, I sucked at it and just bailed for some reason. So, I guess it work, I decided I wasn't going to succeed and I didn't. How come decided what to be and acting on it is nice and easy when it's negative. Boo to that...boo to the thoughts that continued to tell me that I'm not really good at anything anymore. I used to be good at things, soccer, running, biking, climbing...but to be honest, I don't do these things on a regular basis anymore, I'm too busy. Another great excuse. Too busy working, having a house, raising the kids, being a single mom a few days a week and the list goes on. But I call bullshit on myself on that one. I am so quick to find an excuse as to why my pants don't fit, or why I want to just have one more beer, but let's be honest, it's all crap.
I am very capable of making wise decisions for myself, I have will power to not eat the bars of toffee sitting next to me and I have to be able to stick with it. It's frustrating to have to work so hard on everything, or at least that is what it seems like to me. Like, why can't I just eat pretty decent and then fit into my pants? Why do I have to be spot on with my nutrition, my working out and everything else? Why can't I just get a little slack? Again, I call crap on myself....
It's time to really decide what I want to be and make it happen. I have a goal that seemed like I had so much time to accomplish...when I turn 40, I want to be in the best shape of my life. So, here we go, it's a year and a half away and I am getting there, I know I am getting stronger and maybe some of those pants won't ever fit, but honestly, I'm ready for it. I'm ready to kick some butt and work my tail off, yet again. Of course, today I opted to eat lunch instead...perhaps a nice walk will get my juices going before my meeting...but I need to find the balance. The balance of having my life, being with my kids and also being the best me I can be. It's hard to remember that I'm a priority, it's easy to be stuck doing everything else for everyone else. I need time for me. Sometimes I need to fit in my workout with my kids, sometimes I need to spend time with my husband, but I also need time for me. I need time to breath and stretch and relax - in comes yoga. Yoga will be my peace for now, just a few minutes here and there, but something, getting my head in a place I know I can be successful.
Yep, I'm all over the place today, but basically, I needed to get this out....I'm awesome and amazing and I can do anything I put my mind to and that's it, it's time to put my mind to it, to getting to the next level of fitness for me. And I have to remember that not everyday I'm going to feel like going out there and kicking butt, but at least moving is something and it's more than better than nothing...so, off I go, to get some fresh air and recharge for my meeting...and be the best me I can be.
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