I discovered over the past few months that being a working mom is hard. I have nothing to compare it to and I imagine being a stay at home mom is just as hard. I read a great article about it once, about the challenges each has, but for me, I have the experience of being a work mom and gosh, it is hard. I wake up my little guy in the morning and have been feeding him (although today he was not in the mood to eat, which is hard, it means he is done nursing , but that's another topic for another day). I get him dressed and get him some breakfast as I get myself ready to go out the door. We drive to the sitter, which has been fun lately, he has been singing to me. I drop him off in the morning, kiss him, and tell him I love him. I rush off to work and get as much done as I can so I don't have to take anything home with me. Then I get Liam and hope he had a great day, chat for a few minutes about this and that and head home. He babbles on the way home, tries to sing and dances at times. It's time for dinner and I try and figure out what he will eat and hope I decide to make something for me besides a quesadilla. We have dinner, maybe play for a few minutes, depending on traffic, then it's time for bath and bed. Liam loves his bath time and I love sharing it with him. He also loves story time and play time, when it is supposed to bed time. But tell me this, how do I tell him to go to sleep when I laugh and smile at every move he makes. When he finally goes to bed, it's time to get things ready for him for the next day. And we get up and do it all over again. And he has fun at the places he is at, so it isn't terrible to drop him off, it is just hard some days, especially when I haven't seen him. And I wish I had more time with him, or more energy to do the millions of things I should do when I get home, I mean, I've been planning to make kale chips for about a week now...the kale is going to go bad if I don't get into gear. So, tonight, kale chips and sweet potatoes for my little guy...no excuses. Except the couch will look so inviting!
But that has nothing to do with why I started writing today, it was about being comfortable in my own skin, with the body I have, the imperfections, the strength, the power. And those last 2 have really been coming back to me. I have worked out the last 2 weeks, pretty regularly, which has been great. It have given me a peace of mind, it has calmed me down. I ran 3 miles the other day and was so happy. I laugh at how I barely considered that a work out in my marathon days, but well, it was something. It was the most I ran in months, perhaps even a few years and it actually felt great. I was so happy, I was slow, but I didn't care. I was running and I was feeling more comfortable with myself. And that's all I'm looking to do, eating right, working out, feeling good and being confident. I have been in a rut where I look at the ground when I'm walking around and I'm no longer all right with that. It's time to hold my head up and be proud of who I am. Sure, I might not fit in everywhere, ha, or anywhere, but at the end of the day, I want to stay true to myself. I don't want to change myself in order to make others think different of me, I have to remember that I am great just the way I am, even in the kale in the fridge goes bad, even if I want to eat that kit-kat, even if my house is a little messy because I chose to play with Liam instead. That's who I am and it feels so great to be comfortable with who I am, maybe not 100%, but I'm getting there!
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