Moments

We have been busy again still since my last post.  We went on a family sailing vacation to Wisconsin with Sean's family.  It's always a good time and I'm always reminded how much I love hanging off the side of a boat - still a bit strange, but wonderful.  Something very difficult to describe to someone who has never done it.  And this year, we just decided to enjoy instead of film and take pictures that I am not going to touch on it either.

So, what am I going to touch on?  I have no idea.  The last month has been such a crazy ride, I don't even know which way is up at times.  But it has all been great.  I have spent so  much time with Sean and Liam that it will be a huge bummer when I have to go back to nights alone, or rather just with Liam.  Looks like that will be tonight and I'm thinking I won't rush to get Liam in his big boy bed tonight.  Things just seem to be happening so fast.  I know everyone always said the time goes by so fast, and I know I've thought it, but just over the month, so much has changed.  We bought a house, moved, I had one of the best work experiences of my life, we went on vacation and now we are back, finally getting settled a bit.  And Liam has just taken it all in stride and been a wonderful little trooper.  And I think about how far he has come and how far he has to go yet in life.  And I'm thrilled.  I'm thrilled this little guy came into our life.  I wasn't so sure I was the right one to have kids.  Sean and I had so much fun on our adventures that I never really knew if we should change that.  We decided to let whatever happen, happen and we got the most amazing kid out of it all.  He has been tough, he has taught me to work hard, he has reminded me to be patient and he has opened my eyes to see things like a kid again.  And I'll be honest, some days, I'm still not sure I'm cut out for it.  But that little guy's laugh makes it all worth it.

I read some great blog or story on the internet, about how you should see things through the eyes of a kid, about how simple everything is, about how new and exciting things are.  And this reminded me to take a step back.  It's all right if my closet is still not unpacked (let's be honest, I could probably get rid of whatever is not unpacked) and if I still have a few boxes here or there.  The time I spend with him, the words I hear him say, the way I get to watch him learn makes it all not matter.

I get worried sometimes that something terrible might happen to him, it is always in the back of my mind, but I guess that is how it goes being a parent.  I am thinking I will have that for the rest of my life.  Do you ever stop worrying about your kids?  Anyways, when that though pops out in my head, I always go back to the moment I'm in.  It often happens at night, during story time.  I stop my thought and I look at him, most likely try to tell him to lay down and sleep, probably try to not laugh at his bouncing on the bed, and even offer to scratch his back (which happens to be his favorite right now).  Every now and then I wonder what I do, if something happened.  I don't take it too far, it's too hard to think about and it's not something I want to think about.  The good thing about that thought is that I pull myself back into the moment, the moment I'm in with Liam, the way he lives his life.  And during those moments I am again reminded about the moments that matter, the snuggles, the struggles to get his runny nose wiped, the giggling boy, the back scratches, the kisses he gives (which are especially great when that nose doesn't get wiped) and the love he has for me - for no reason other than he knows nothing else.  And that, that makes all the moments worth it.

I didn't know where I was going with this, but I knew I wanted to write, I guess I had more to say than I thought.  I'm also missing my guy after a long day at the office, thankful that Dot and Papa are in town taking care of my monster...whom I love more than I even knew possible and whom I love more and more everyday.  Can't wait to get a booger kiss when I get home!