Liam was up very early for himself, and I decided it was good sign to do the 10ish mile loop to the peak of Bergen Peak (http://www.protrails.com/trail/644/boulder-denver-golden-fort-collins-lyons-bergen-peak). We had done parts of this trail before and I wanted it to do the whole thing. Today was the first attempt at it. So, we got in the truck and I was missing our walking poles. Sean had them. At this point, it was either give up and be upset (which I was - very upset - tried to blame Sean, even though he asked if I needed anything) or move along and see what I can do. So, I went in the trailer - still upset and on the phone with Sean - being angry and taking anything he said very personal. I found my cross country ski poles and I thought, what the heck, this is the only way I am going to get to do this hike...and I was especially itching to get some mountain time since we are heading back to Illinois next week.
I got the poles and everything else in the car and we headed on our way. The drive was pretty uneventful, Liam fell asleep and I was excited to get to the parking lot before it got crowded, which has never happened. We started our hike around 8. I was ready to go and determined to start my day over on the trails.
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| Ready to go! |
So off we went. We went up the trails. We stopped a few times to catch a few views. Liam pointed at trees and imitated birds and ate crackers and nuts and anything else I gave him. My Endomondo was on, telling me how far I had gone and I knew how far I had to go. I'd check my watch from time to time to see how much higher I had to go. And we kept walking. We stopped for bikers and a few trail runners. Liam counted the bikes and dogs and we climbed higher and higher.
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| One of the many great views along the way. |
Liam got very upset a few times, wouldn't leave his hat on, I asked if he wanted to go back to the car. I had to take him off a couple of times and put his glasses and hat back on. Finally I added his shade and he chilled out - and kept yelling top, top, top!
We finally made it to the 1 mile path that would take us to the peak. There I spent a few minutes deciding what to do. I knew at this point it would be another hourish back to this point. And then 3 more all the way down. But I knew Liam could get out and it was hard to be so close and not make it. Then I remembered my expectations. If it was just me, no question, I would have gone, but I had someone else to worry about. I had Liam. Could he sit for another 5 hours? Would he be entertained the whole way down? Should we go for it? I took his sleeping as a sign to keep going. He dozed off and this was a great chance to extend his nap...and make the top.
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| Passed out - my sign to keep going and take this kid to the top! |
I did spend a few minutes thinking about it, and after thinking, I thought I should go for it. It did help that there was a trail runner on his way back down that just passed us. He told me he was impressed I was powering through, so I figured it was a good sign as well. We pushed onward. We passed a couple bikers that were on thier way down and the older gentleman was excited to see a baby going to the top - said it'd be the first of the day! We made it just about all the way up and Liam woke up. Actually, the family passing us woke him up, but that's all right, we were just about there...the goal. We arrived to the top! We made it! We did!
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| We made it! |
And we saw a mountain biker that passed us a couple of times, he had a great attitude and chatted with us along the way. He was excited to see us and just loving it - chatted for a few minutes until we found our spot, I took Liam off and we sat on a rock and had a snack.
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| This was our snack rock and the start of his collection. He seemed to like the really big rocks! |
Well, Liam had a snack - I was able to snag a few nuts. He was so cute and curious and excited. He picked up rocks and made a collection (I did take one for him - I know, it's silly, but it was our first mountain top - if he didn't need to remember it, I did!), he climbed rocks, with my help...he even got a diaper change on the summit. And he had so much fun. He wanted to go everywhere, of course, that'd be a little dangerous, but he did explore. There was a lady that ran up - was chatting with the mountain biker about their times up and was so sweet to tell me I was better than both of them since I carried him the whole way.
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| The view to the west |
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| The view to the east. |
It was a very eye opening comment - as where a few of the other ones leading up to it - someone thinking I was powering up the mountain, someone excited to see me getting a little one used to nature and then this - these people that just ran and biked up this mountain telling me I'm awesome? That's just crazy, I spent so much of the walk up admiring the people that ran past me, or the ones that biked past me...I just kept thinking someday, I'll be that awesome, someday I'll be that awesome. I'm getting in shape, I'm getting there. And in the end, a couple of those people were admiring me...how does that work?
Oh, you mean, all the things I've been told by Sean and other people about how great I am, those things are all true? Really? It gave me such a boost of believing in myself, of thinking I can do anything I want to do. It's me taking that time to acknowledge that I did something pretty amazing. Not only did I climb over 1900 feet and reach the height of 9500 feet, but I did it with a baby on my back. Not only did I have to do the hike, I had to take care of myself and Liam...and entertain him. He was on my back for almost 5 hours, just hanging out. And we looked a flowers and trees, we smelled the smell of the hikes (a smell I can't even put into words, a smell that invigorates like no other, a smell meant for those on the trails), we stopped and touch trees - rough bark and smooth bark.
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| Bark, bark, bark - Liam loved exploring, even in his pack. |
We looked at bikes and dogs and smiled and waved at everyone we passed. We had fun...I had fun, I hope he had fun. I know he won't remember these things, but me doing them know will allow me to take him up his first climb like this and his first 14er and anything else he wants to do.
And we did it. We made it. It was a slow ride down, my knees were killing me and I was getting tired. I couldn't miss a step, I couldn't NOT make it down. And this was a great feeling. I had to rely on me to get down, no whining, no complaining, just going. Sometimes these solo hikes or rides or whatever it may be help me so much more than I think I even need. I did trip on a few rocks, which were great reminders to keep paying attention. I turned my ankle pretty good that seemed to recover for the rest of the way. But I kept going. He finally fell asleep on the way down again, near the end. I was a little nervous, I was out of water, he wanted more - could I have neglected him? I'll be honest, I didn't think there was a huge problem, he had been eating and drinking the whole way, but maybe I messed up. I mean, what kind of adventure would it be if there wasn't a little fear. I was also worried that I was out of water. It has gotten hotter and I knew we were close and was very happy I knew there was some water in the car.
We got to the car and all was good, the milk in the cooler was still cold, Liam was thrilled to be goofing around in the backseat. We unpacked and chilled out for a couple minutes and went on our way. I was going to stop for lunch - a date with my little man...but I just wanted to get home. We headed home and were just about to turn onto our street when all of a sudden a bear cub ran out in front of the car in front of us. He stopped and we stopped, I rolled down Liam's window and told him to look. We had not seen a bear, actually, in all our vacations to Yellowstone, the only bears I have seen were in a zoo. But nope, this little guy ran across the street and jumped up the stairs on the side of the yard. It was so fun to see a bear, so fun to be in this area, so fun to have my mountain fix complete more than I knew possible as we head back to IL for the 4th and some family time.
So, yeah, in the end I adjusted a lot of expectations, I slowed myself down to make sure Liam was happy. If given the chance, he may have touched every tree along the way...but the ones he did touch were totally worth the happiness I saw as he felt something new and learned more. And that was much more exciting to be a part of than a neck breaking pace up the mountain. I learned I might not always make it where I want to go, but it's the journey that matters. I starting thinking more highly about myself, about the things I am out here doing, about the life I am choosing to live. And I started to see just how much more awesome I am - I don't need to say that one day, I'll do this or that - or be as good as that, I'll just be me and work hard and enjoy every minute of what I am doing. That's the plan - that's the new expectation - is to continue to expect great things out of myself, but not knock me down for all the things I still want to do - I'm going to enjoy the things I am doing and the person I am continuing to become...and the vision is more and more clear everyday. And what a day it was today!
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| Passed out - I'm surprised he fell asleep before me, love my cuddle bug! |
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