It has been a very busy and full year, full of ups and downs, struggles and victories, laughter and tears. I think I have learned more about myself in this year than I have in a long time, maybe more than I have about myself in a year than I ever have and it has been great. As I said it hasn't always been easy, but when I wake up and look out the window and watch the amazing sunrise, I know it's the place we belong. We struggled a bit at first, rather I did. Sean was working tons and I was the one in charge, so to speak, of Liam, of the house, of just about everything. I was learning a new job, trying to find my place and he was working his butt off to ensure that he could be with me more often sooner rather than later. We had many great times, too many to remember, but hopefully the blog did the trick so I could go back and remember all the great things we did. We were busy, running here and there and not even having nearly enough time to do all the things we wanted to do.
But beyond all of that, I learned so much about myself. I remember when we chatted about moving in the past, Sean was worried about me being away from my family and friends. True, I went away to college for 4 years and I lived in the city for a few before meeting Sean, but it was true, I was never this far away. And I was a bit concerned, but I also had the faith in myself that I could do it. I felt like I would have an open book in front of me. I could continue to find the person I want to be, the mother I want to be, the wife I want to be. I could do anything, be anything, open myself up to anything and share all of that with my family.
I have found a strength in myself that I didn't know was there. Of course, that strength has been knocked down a bit with this pregnancy, all right, a lot, but still, I feel it, I feel the person, mom and wife I want to be. I don't always have the energy to do it, or the patience these days, but in the end, I have become a stronger person by living here. I have discovered changes I want to make in my life for the better of myself and I have made some of those changes. Some of those changes are works in progress, and I think I will always be a work in progress. Aren't we all? Isn't that what makes life so exciting, you never know how the day will go when you wake up. You get the chance each and ever day to be whatever you want to be. Sometimes I forget that, I get caught up in a mistake I made yesterday, or a problem that is stuck in my head and I drag it with me.
Which sounds like a good resolution for 2015, wake up each day and see each day as a new day, each moment as a new moment. I will take each day and I will make the most of it, even if I feel like crap, even if my nose is stuffed, even if and when I am waddling pregnant. I will take each day and I will make the most of it, I will enjoy this little girl moving around inside of me, even if it means I can't breathe through my nose. I will enjoy watching Liam try and play with his sister and give her water. I will enjoy the energy that kid brings to my life instead of being too tired to play with him. I will take his crabby days and I will try to make them better, even if I am crabby as well. I will enjoy all the moments I have with him as my only attention seeker. I will cuddle with him and not be upset when he stomps into our room for cuddles and sleep. And I will take care of myself, I will keep working out and staying as fit as I can, while also eating well for my family that is here and the one I am carrying.
In the end, the year has been incredible, I have gone places as a part of my daily life that I used to dream of taking vacations to. I have grown as a person, discovered how I want to live my life. I have grown as a mother, remembering to enjoy the moments I have with Liam and not be in a rush for him to grow up. And I have grown in my relationship with Sean. There are hard times, with his schedule, like the fact that he worked on Thanksgiving and he is working tonight, but we always make it through and emerged with smiles on our faces. And let's be honest, it's not like I'd be awake at midnight for my usual kiss with him. And that is what mornings are for, when he comes home and is beat, but gets to see his little man running around...that makes the night alone sort of worth it - sort of!
But we are living our dream, and how can any of that point to a bad year. So for 2015, I will do all of the above and continue to learn about myself, as a person, as a mom and as a wife. And I will remember just how bad-ass I am going to make the next year, and the year after that, and after that, and so on. Happy new year, so looking forward to 2015 and beyond!
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