Yes, it was time last Monday for me to go back to the office. No, I haven't been off of work since Cora was born, but I was working from home, which meant no commute! It also meant I wasn't really able to have a schedule. While I was happy to work from home as long as I did, I kind of wish I had a few more weeks, it was good for me to be back in the office. It is nice to be around other adults and it is also nice for me to be able to leave work at work - well, at least as much as I can. It was hard, though, hard to leave on Monday morning, when I left Sean with the kids all day. Of course I cried when I left and cried for a bit in the car. She has been attached to me in some way for the past 10 weeks and now I just need to forget about that, or rid myself of her. No way, too hard. But we made it, we made it through the first week.
It was funny on Friday, I was so excited for it to be Friday, it meant I got 2 whole days with the kiddos and maybe some time with Sean. I was so excited to be able to have nothing planned and just hang out with them. I was thrilled to be home on Friday, so thrilled. We didn't have any big plans, but I knew we'd find plenty to do. It was a nice weekend, nothing too crazy, nothing out of the ordinary for us, a nice hike at the dog park, some nice time at home to clean and get a few things done, a few projects to start and plenty of time to cuddle.
I think Cora had a little cold from her first week at daycare, which of course, also made me feel terrible for leaving her at day care. But what can I do? We have talked long and hard and it's not really possible for me not to work. Plus, I like working, I like my co-workers and I love what I do. I couldn't imagine not doing it. So, we make it work. Sean gets days to be home with the kids that are during the week, which makes me so jealous. I get the weekends to enjoy the kids as much as I can. Sean worked quite a bit this weekend, which left me with the kids. It was a good test of patience and for the most part, I passed!
And I sit her on Sunday night and I worry about the next week - again, will she be a good baby again? Will Liam be a good big brother? Will I pump enough milk for her? That's one thing for sure I don't miss, my pump - what a love/hate relationship we have!
Someone did tell me that is gets easier to leave the kids - never easy, but easier. I didn't cry today when I left, could be because I wanted to leave so early so I can come home nice and early, or could be because everyone was still sleeping at 6:30 AM and I didn't want to wake them, or maybe because I know she is in great hands at daycare. Whatever the case may be, I'm sure there will be more days where I cry again, where I am sad to leave the kids. There will be plenty days were I wish it'd work out and I could be home with the kids instead of sending them to day care, but one thing work has reminded me is how much to appreciate the time I have with the kids and with Sean - to not waste that time being worried the dishes are piling up, or the laundry needs to be done, but rather enjoying a few last snuggles with Cora or playing with Liam as he learns and get more creative. So, that's the plan - take care of what I have to take care of and get home to enjoy the time I have with my family - even the times when no one listens to me! :)
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