Breathing

It's such a simple thing, right, just in and  out, move the air and life goes on.  Then why I am sitting here with a nebulizer treatment at home.  When and why on earth did breathing become such a chore for me, and why now?  I guess I should back up, I had some issues, was on some inhalers, one of which was a steroid and I stopped that about a month ago.  Things seemed to be all right until some allergies and or sickness took hold of me.  I had a few doctors appointments and mostly again no one really knows what's wrong with me, which is quite frustrating.

So, I came home on Wednesday, after I thought I was all better and things got worse, way worse.  At some point, a cloud settled on our house and things got bad.  Liam even started to cough and wheeze, I have no idea what was in the air or our systems, but I do know it sucked.  I was worried about not being able to breath, Liam wasn't as concerned with his wheezing as we were, he was just playing around with Dot and Papa while I was upstairs with Sean not sure what was going on.  I'll mostly keep it brief.  I tried to tough through it, I tried a few medicines, I tried a hot steamy shower and that was my breaking point.  I recall being in the bathroom telling Sean I needed something, anything and I couldn't breath.  Now, in my head, when this happened I knew was Sean was thinking, he was thinking what he has told me about patients that are telling him they can't breath - if you are talking, you can breath.  I tried to make that make sense in my head, but I couldn't, I just couldn't.  I was upset and freaking out and at a loss for what to do.  Thankfully, Liam was still downstairs having a great time staying up way too late once again.

So, finally I told Sean we had to go somewhere, I needed something and we didn't have it.  I did feel better after my freak out, but knew that I wasn't fine.  So we went to the ER, got in pretty quick, did a quick nebulizer, got some steroids and went on our way.  I felt better, not great, but better for sure, until I hit the stairs to our house, then I was gasping again for air.  So, I took my time, slowed everything down and mustered up enough breath to make it upstairs to get to bed.  I slept decent enough and was up the next day, getting ready to make my doctor's appointment with an allergist when Liam started to cough more.  My parents were leaving that day and I was just in rough shape.  Sean was off at work and it was going to be me, who can barely catch my breath and a toddler with a little cough.  Now, I could have taken him to day care, but I wouldn't felt right about it, he maybe had something, so I made an appointment for him.  My parents left, with plenty of tears from me, feeling bad I was sick when they were here, but being grateful they were here.  The morning went well and I got him down for a nap pretty successful, along with me.  And of course, when I was setting the alarm for us to get up, I forgot that I was going to some issues rushing.

Finally, we made it where we were going, a few minutes late, but made it.  I took a few tests, got another treatment and met with the doctor.  She was very concerned about me, I'm thinking I shouldn't have told her about the shape I was in last night, she might have had been intubated.  Anyways, Liam was a pretty good kid, considering, she was very through and we worked out my best plan on action, sending home a nebulizer with me, prednisone for a few days and a different steroid inhaler.

So, I put myself on bed rest on Friday.  Thankfully I got to work from home and Liam went to day care.  I moved from the bed, to the couch, back to the bed.  I did get up at some point and eat some dinner and played with Liam.  But I felt like I needed to make myself sit still and stop.  It's like this breathing issues was a warning for me to slow down and not forget about me.  See, I have lots going on, more than I even realize sometimes and sometimes, I forget to take care of all of that.  I recall this happened to me once a few years ago (probably more than a few years ago).  I ran my marathon, and took maybe a day off and was back at it.  The following Sunday, I twisted my ankle worse than I had in a long time...not fun, but again, a time to slow down.  And while I long to be in that great running shape again someday, I'm not going to get anywhere until I get this breathing thing figured out.  Maybe it was a bug, bronchitis again, maybe it was allergies, but who knows.  I'd like to know since no one seems to have any idea.

So, I am going next week to a lung doctor, which is good, I guess.  I mean, let's be honest, we all know how I feel about doctors, especially the last one that used his iPhone to give me something of no help.  I mean, I probably could have figured out how to fix myself had I remembered last year around this time when I was sick, etc.  But the lady I saw last week had genuine concern for me, which was nice.  She wants to help me and make sure that I'm on the right road and she is enlisting help.  Of course, who knows how much all of this will cost in the end, but I guess if someone figures out what is wrong with me, it'll be worth it, right?

So, yeah, breathing, it's a great thing, it feels so good to be able to do it again.  And even though I am still doing a few treatments and drugs, I'm getting there.  Let's just hope the drugs were all worth it and I have no other issues.